SO MUCH TO SAY, SO MUCH TO CENSOR
So Much to Say
So Much to Censor
It is not easy to live in the world of illusions where everyone is so bought up to their abstract reality that they can't even see what is right front of them. Just like every single one of you, I am an actor, and like some of you I have studied it. I guess it was my first love as far as arts go, but it is not my only love. I like all forms, though I really enjoy the ones from the heart and consciousness, the ones that has nothing to do with serfdom.
So Much to Say
So Much to Censor
I really liked the idea of Bitcoin when I heard about it the first time. It was almost like an answer to my prayers, (I don't pray, I envision) I wanted to see a currency with no military behind it for soooo long. And it was finally here!! I didn't get into it, I didn't seek to have some, I was just happy that finally there was such a currency. Of course this was years ago.
I just got into Altcoin market 10 days ago. It is fun, there is a lot to learn. Everyone is in it to make some money.
I have never cared about money. I am trying to do so, but my heart will never allow me. A friend of mine warned me the other day "You can't get emotionally attached to an altcoin!!". He is in it for the money. I got into it, because I am supposed to change!! and I am supposed to care about money!! I am not supposed to sell myself short EVER!!!
I am totally in agreement with not selling myself short. But cmon!! I am an artist. If I feel someone is going to understand me just a little bit, if I feel like I will make a difference and for a second show the glimpse of what we really are to someone.... I will use it. I don't give a shit about money!!! If I have a chance to be understood... Here it is!!! take it!!!
I am emotionally attached to xvg. Because it is working on privacy in the world of surveillance, because it is open source, and because some people call it people's coin for a good reason.
Shady people suck when you are trying to be benevolent.
(my total worth in the altcoin market=$140)
So Much to Say
So Much to Censor
I studied film-making in Florida. It was a "very special program" where only 30 people a year were chosen from many applicants. It was an hands on experience with a lot of opportunity to get special attention from the faculty. I applied, and in the mean time waiting for the application to go thru, I took couple of generic classes I would have to take. One of them was being taught by a professor that was in the judicial faculty that went through the applications. The class I took with him had over 300 students. After a month or so, he had recognized my name from the essays we were writing for him, and he pulled me aside, and told me that I was definitely going to get into the "program" he said the faculty was extremely impressed with me, I was one of the first choices, and he personally thought that if anyone from that program was going to have any kind of future, that person was me. He loved my thoughts, and my views.
Couple of weeks past, and I got a letter from the school. It was regrettably informing me that I was not chosen for the special program, but still had a chance to get in, if some of the students who applied decided to not get into the program. I was dumbfounded. After my next class with the mentioned professor, I asked him what happened. He said he was shocked as well, and it was pure politics. He passed away before I graduated from that "special program", I never got to take any of his classes again. He was a very humble guy, loved by all his students. Rest in Peace Tom!!
I applied to the program as an artist. I thought there would be other artists I could bounce with, be creative and produce some world changing light beams on a screen. My classmates were just bunch of pretentious idiots who wanted to be the next Michael Bay. Also the United States was about to declare an unjust war on Iraq. Anything against Bush was considered unpatriotic. I was a guy from Turkey :O and even though I really tried to shut my mouth due to the patriot act, the truth would oooze from my pores. I became isolated pretty fast.
Do I really have to explain that some of the "chosen ones" didn't show up, and I got into the program?
I like writing little bit like a riddle. I don't like riddles!! but I don't like to spell eeeevery fucking thing out for you either.
Figure it out!!!
So Much to Say
So Much to Censor
My best writings come out after I argue with people about politics, religion, and sex. I love arguing. NO, NO, I love discussing :D
I have been bottling up a lot of thoughts since 9/11/2001. A lot of people who know me would say "really??" Of course when I find people who are little bit close to my wavelength I start vomiting my thoughts on them. Actually I am very good at one one communication, because then I can get into their wavelength, and then bring them to mine. It is so gentle that way. People get pretentious extremely fast when among others. All the defenses goes up, all the subconscious programming kicks in.
Two things I hear people say to me in such conversations; "I feel like I can be myself when I am around you" and "you are very real"
So Much to Say, Not enough Time!!!
Actually I do have time. But I don't want to take yours. I don't believe people's attention can go so far if I write too long. I will write again... I also do want to get some feedback before I babble out more thoughts. I have to know, I've got some kind of audience. :D
Peace and love!!!
Tan
PS: Photos will always be by me unless I quote someone else! :P
Marina Del Rey, October 2016
I also have to get used to asking for something... I ve been used so much, I don't wanna feel being used ever.
My xvg wallet D87dZNbub5uowtyntQ2ff5gnBvhZBj9PrB
Peace again!!
@OriginalWorks
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You and I philosophically, emotionally, intellectually, politically and mythologically have a lot in common. Your tongue is a bit smoother, though. From here on out, all my blogs are going to have tidbits of who I am and what I am about. I appreciate the attention and advice you have given me and can't wait until you author more blogs. You are from Turkey, interesting. I have not had the pleasure of having a conversation with anyone from there. I too knew about Bitcoin a few years ago and didn't get involved. I wasn't convinced it was as advertised and was correct. I finally broke down and purchased a small amount in September and will be converting this too SteemIt. I too dislike the concept of money. I just want to be, without needing a place to be. Unfortunately, in a land with a large amount of lazy skilless people, a representative currency is necessary. My advice for perceiving the usefulness for the gain of value for crypto is support. The more your holdings gain, the more popular your choice is. By purchasing more, you are helping to popularize your choice and helping to push out central control. I am not sure how you earn enough to survive in this sick culture, but it can help you to simply live and not work, if you so choose. I just wanted to touch base with you, because I believe we could become friends and was hoping to give you an upvote, but you have nothing current. You definitely are a great writer and SteemIt is a great platform for you to benefit from your skills. Keep safe and sane, brother. My intentions are to create community and strong relationships to change the world and I believe you are an Allie in this. Your photograph is majestic and it inspires a meditative daydream.
I have been little busy, little depressed, little disheartened. Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me. Yes I am from Turkey, but spent most of my life abroad (in the US). I love the fact I am from Turkey, but I really do dislike the idea of any nation. Nations, and nationalism is just another way of keeping us under the control of the certain groups. We were supposed to be done with the kings, and all that but we are not. It sickens me in many ways that people are not awake to these facts. I might say that I learned whole bunch by being in the US as a Turkish person. Maybe I learned too much!! I am in constant arguments with both Americans and Turks, and whomever else who doesn't see that we are just being used and abused by the systems of our governance and education. Since patriot act, I have been bottling up and shutting up. Now that I am out of the USA I feel freer to talk, but actually I am in a much stricter environment. I am not really afraid of a lot of things that can happen to me, but what I am afraid of is actually being labeled too fast... not being listened due to it, and etc etc... anyhow, I hope I will write soon. Thanks for replying to my post, and lighting a candle under my seat :P I should be writing more often.
I agree with everything you said and I feel the dread you label as depression. Every label, border, or fence is just another division, which is the opposite of enlightenment.
You are totally right. Thanks for pointing it out. :)
First of all: I LOVE that photo. I love the ocean, would live in it if that were possible, or at least as close as possible. Regarding crypto and money. I don't care for money either. And downright hate money in its physical form. I am not a clean freak, but after touching money I always feel like scrubbing myself down completely. That being said, dealing with crypto and being here on Steemit has changed my life in incredible ways. But that's a long story. I started with less than $350,- and made it to Steemfest with that and added a few numbers to that. As a single mother of 4, who's been struggling pretty much since number 2 came along, it is fantastic to be able to finally bring the kids to foreign places, or even just discover the country here. But at the same time I teach them that other things are more important than money. But maybe it is not the money that's the issue, it's what the most of us have to do for that money. I work harder but less hours now than I did before, and sometimes I work more. But now it is all mine. I don't do it for a corporation to fill their pockets, and I don't do it for the tax office. It's for me and my family and friends. I love to do things for others and now I am in the position that I can. Before this (7 months ago) I was barely getting by as it was, let alone that I was able to do something nice for another. In regards to the emotional attachment to crypto....I know there are some people who are purely in it to make money. That's how I started out. But then, I started learning more about the coins I bought, and knew I was in it for the long run and all of a sudden it became almost impossible to sell those coins. So now I developed a healthy relationship between my long term crypto and day trading. At least, I think it's healthy. And I got really good at it. I think that a lot of people get attached to their coins. Especially here on Steemit. Yes, of course, it is great to see a post make some nice money, but I got so much more here on this platform than money. The people are absolutely amazing. I've seen initiatives come to life that actually change lives all over the world and I've seen communities form that change the world wherever they are. So I don't agree with that person who said not to get emotionally attached. I read your story and it's like reading mine. With the one difference that I always wanted to get into acting (film making) when I was a child, but found out later in life that I would panic and freeze up getting myself in front of people in public...I took a short acting course in Vegas when I was living there and just couldn't do the exercises the teacher gave us in front of an audience lol. I am more one for being behind the scenes...Behind the camera or writing. As a writer, I can do anything. As an actor, not so much. OK, I will stop it here, because I don't want to write a book right now. Reading your post proves that there was a very good reason why I somehow found you in the intro posts. Again. I am glad you are here, because there are many more like us. This is not Facebook...(Pfew...). And Turkish? I already thought the name sounded a bit Turkish :)
Hahaha, I just clicked on your profile again and noticed I wasn't even following you lol. I know for sure that I did, so I must have pressed twice by accident.
Yeaaah... I was wondering why you weren't following me. And Yeaaah, Turkish :) Land of contradictions according to a lot of western books I read in the USA. :) I kind of love it because it is really stuck between the East and the West. I am hoping one day I can partake in the positive change Turkey and the whole globe desperately needs. I always looked at Turkey as a great opportunity for the western thought and eastern thought to infuse and disappear. But again, when I look at the whole thing I actually see the same culture fighting itself for the gain of the "powerful" There is no east and west. There is just the idea of "One God" that hasn't really been allowed to flourish to encompass all. I found oneness through Tao, or while I was seeking the Tao found me :)
Well since this is all public, I have to CENSOR myself a little, and change the subject. But before I do that I should make a statement I like to give " When the Judaic religions can understand the Hinduism, then there can be a total spiritual enlightenment."
So you are from Vegas?? In the year of 2000 of their lord, I could not touch money at all, if someone gave me money I would immediately throw it on the floor, or give it to the guy next to me. It was a big no no for my consciousness, for it to be free. I followed my breath and witnessed many miracles as well as extremely supernatural phenomena. I followed that path for 9 months only. Within those 9 months I ended up in the mental institution twice, and the first one was in Vegas!!! :D My only found memory of Vegas is ending up in the Southern Nevada Mental Services :) I refused to take any medicine and was discharged after 16 days as mentally sound. While I was in there I convinced one of the doctors that were giving us lessons in psychology and the pharma-cures, to teach us meditation for our cure. It was great!!
The story of how I ended up in there is a long one, but!! I can say that I was captured by cops because I had stopped an intersection, all naked, bowing down, to the 4 directions of the earth to show respect before I was taken by a spaceship. (thats what happens when there is no one to ground you, and keep you hydrated etc) If there were drugs involved, I don't know, but I don't see anyone wasting any drugs on such person as I was.
Anyhow, I don't want to write a book here either. I know why you found me. I was advised to find my cosmic family. I am always promoting the idea of the global family... but when cosmic family is concerned... I think it can only be found organically. Thank you for finding me in a digital realm, and showing me how digital can also be organic :D
Namaste!!!
Wow, that's some story how you ended up in the mental services in Vegas. Funny enough it reminds me of something that happened there when I was there. (by the way, I was in Vegas in 2000...). I was in the car with my boss and two others in north town. It was about 5 in the morning and very quiet on the streets, it was starting to get light (not sure if it was 5, but I believe that's what it was) but still very dark. We drove down a road and there in the middle of the road, there was a street block (whatever you call those things) and there was a tall man standing there, looking up at the sky....Somehow, the same song came to mind, all of ours, because the four of us all started singing Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden all at the same time. I will never forget that, it was one of the weirdest things that happened to me there and the man seemed completely out of place. Well, he was, because it was that early in the morning and no one around....