Hold On, Hold Onto Yourself, This Is Going To Hurt Like Hell Part 2

Over the next couple of Sundays I'd peek in on him to make sure he was doing his usual fiddling around on the internet. I felt sort of guilty for leaving him so defenseless against her. All the warning signs were there she had no intent on doing what was best for him like telling him she'd get him another bottle of CBD oil when she had a whole bottle of it sitting on the end table in the living room for herself, or not giving him the CBD paste I went and bought him just out of that reason itself...I found the syringe of CBD paste lying behind a picture in the dining room unused the weekend before his death or the fact she started medicating him after I told her to make sure he keeps getting up to rinse his cans, feed the raccoons, squirrels as any exercise was going to be beneficial to him. Instead everything she did do was meant to weaken him, send him spiraling quicker to his demise. For the most part she was just happy to let him eat yogurt all the time. When I'd go there I'd bring soup, eggs and tell him he wasn't getting more yogurt unless he promised to eat something else later. I'd have to bring food because she was to busy going down to the Cheesecake Company and buying herself a seventeen dollar six inch cheesecake with the grocery money he'd give her explaining it away as "it's the only luxury she grants herself for having to put up with him". If he'd only knew she was spending seventeen dollars on a six inch cheesecake it'd sent him to his grave. I finally pressured her into getting some soup but it just sat in the cupboard as she had no intentions of making sure he was getting any semblance of real food. About six weeks with her there he was rapidly losing weight.

The last full Sunday I spent there she wanted me to hang out with her for awhile when she got back but he had other plans as he kept calling her to help him rearrange his bed because he couldn't get comfortable. He was trying to tie one of those body length pillows to his headboard so it'd stop slipping down in between his mattress and headboard. Instead of just staying in there until he had it secure she kept coming back outside. I attribute this to the catalyst of anger that drove her to finally finish him off as the third call had her steaming, stomping off that I might as well go home because he had no intention of letting her enjoy herself. As the events that would fold out over the next few days became evident I really do think that whatever drove the pain he came to experience in the next couple days was due to some mixture of drugs she more than likely gave him.

On Friday I get a call from her and she tells me that Hospice, him and her had started the process to let him die and she needed my help. I was totally blown back as in how can you help someone start the process to die...that's not even legal, that would be assisted suicide. It seems he started having chest pains, she called the hospice nurse and when she arrived they didn't call a ambulance instead she offered to order the drug needed that'd finally lead him to his death. He asked all that would be involved and she told him he'd be medicated so he wouldn't know he was dying, that over the course of a few days they'd slowly start to withhold food, his body would break down and that would be the end of it. He asked her if he'd feel like he was starving to death and she reassured him that he wouldn't and that they'd moisten his lips with a sponge until he no longer desired to press down on the sponge with his mouth to hydrate himself. Now don't get me wrong I don't want to see anybody suffer but the fact that he was still alive the next day when Fed Ex brought the needed drug showed them this wasn't a heart attack, this wouldn't have been a call to resuscitate which is the requirement that must be met under a no resuscitation order. No resuscitation means the person has died and they do not want to be resuscitated....this didn't happen here, what happened here was assisted suicide, the law is the law and it should have to be followed by everybody including Hospice. Though I argued the fact with his sister she was just this is what he wanted and no amount of this isn't legal did she care to hear.

When I got there she said she was exhausted as he kept her up calling her constantly. This is on Friday evening so it left me wondering how on earth if they were keeping him medicated that for three days he was still aware enough to bug her that much. She says he told her not to call me so she doesn't want me to go into his room even if I hear him claiming over the baby monitor he wants yogurt as this will just delay the process of him dying. She takes me down by his door to look in and he's laying in a hospital bed they brought in with his arm up in the air and a finger pointed toward his mouth. After a few minutes she decides to go lay down to get some sleep while she instructs me to keep an eye on his concentrator as she had been having trouble with it earlier in the week, she tells me if it starts to blink red to come get her. I knew it was never going to start blinking red, just as I knew he shouldn't have been as awake as he was, something wasn't right here and if his concentrator was blinking red it was because she was doing something to it. I waited long enough for her to fall asleep and I go into his room.

He's still laying there with his hand up in the air, he looks up at me and he said, "you are not suppose to be here you can't handle it", I reassure him it's okay as I start to rub his forehead. He asked for yogurt which at that point tears start streaming down my face, I was like oh my god she is starving him. I go out and get the yogurt which he lets me give him three or so scoops myself then he takes the spoon to feed himself. His coordination is way off but he's stubbornly independent so I help guide his arm in the right direction. When he gets done with what he can get on his spoon he puts his finger inside the container and starts to run it around inside then puts his finger in his mouth. That just made me cry all the harder as it's then I realize what the pointing of his finger towards his face was all about, he was way more hungry then I could even imagine. I asked him if he wanted another one and he responded yes. I stood there helping guide his arm and rubbing his forehead, when he was done he looked at me and he said I want you to have my bird feeder, I told him that bird feeder wasn't going anywhere until his days were done, then he closed his eyes and fell asleep as I kept rubbing his forehead. When she gets up I tell her I gave him yogurt because he wanted it, if a dying mans last wishes is for some yogurt then he's getting it. Later when he wakes up again he ask for yogurt but he wants his favorite yogurt which she says they are out of. So I offer to run down to the store and pick up some black cherry yogurt. When I got back she's smiling like a Cheshire cat next to his bed telling me he's out again.

We go sit outside and she tells me her son has flown into town to help her move his stuff out of the house when he passes. She said he spent the night there the night before but she doesn't know if he's coming back tonight but in case he does I know who it is coming into the house. That set off alarm bells as to why she'd choose to be starving him, she wants the process to move right along as now she has him here taking time off from work to help her. I mean she really wasn't about wasting anytime going to pack up his stuff and take off on the announcement of his death. Her son didn't come that day he came around noon the next day. She asked him if he'd go get some food for us as there's nothing in the house to eat which of course comes as no surprise. She tells him she wants something good to eat, she's tired of fast food...and I can't help but notice the way she's acting, the change in her demeanor, like he's helpless now, near death, I can waste however much I want ordering steaks. Then her brother calls her, she stomps her foot on the floor, exhales deeply and tells her son see what I have to put up with as she marches off to the bedroom. I ever so regretted telling him I didn't think I could handle seeing someone die. Then her son looks at me and says while she's gone I might as get in on spending his money like I was wanting to, like I was there to get my hand in the cookie jar, I just stared him down like don't you even go there with me. We went outside on the patio to eat when he got back. I asked him if he was going in to see his uncle before he left and he told me he doesn't talk to him. He said why should he he never bothered to come see me when I was living down the street. This whole thing just seem to get worse by the minute, now we have two people who can't stand being around him standing around like vultures ready to take a dive. This would be the same person who left a gif of a greedy looking raccoon rubbing his paws together in response to his uncle changing his profile status on Facebook to a picture of the raccoons who'd gather on his patio, something I didn't see until after his uncle passed and noticed he left me a final message on Facebook. To be honest I was just horrified to see that, the kind of unappreciative monsters he got left to deal with laid a heavy burden on my heart. She asked her son to take her to get some videos before he left. I was sitting out on the patio and I figured I might as well clean up the mess as she probably wasn't going to do it. I open the patio door to go in the house and I heard the back door shut. I open the door and look out into the garage but no one is out there, then I go downstairs to look to see if someone was down there but there wasn't anyone down there either. I go back upstairs and I start doing the dishes when they walk in the backdoor. Now I know there was no way they went to the store that fast and got videos, nope, what they were doing was seeing if I was going to get greedy and run through the house nabbing things...but upon close inspection the only thing I nabbed was the plastic silverware in wrappers left from dinner which I stuck in the side pocket of my purse. Her son goes over there and takes a look and I said to him I have a picnic basket at home that I put stuff like that in, it comes in handy for a impromptu picnic with the grand kids. I really wanted to say to him that not all birds of a feather flock together but that shameful look of being sorry for his suspicions was punishment enough....and no they didn't have any videos. When he leaves she tells him he can stop by tomorrow if he wants as she isn't going to go home Sunday, she cancelled plans to sign the land contract with her landlord....I was like she wasn't even going to wait for him to die to spend thousands of his dollars, omg.

After he leaves she says she's going to go take a nap and to wake her up when the Hospice nurse gets there. I was going to wake her up alright but not until I asked that nurse a few questions. She was a young Hospice worker, had only been on the job less than a week, she got rather frazzled at my questions of don't you think what you are doing is more like assisted suicide and why can't he have something to eat if he's hungry. She scurried out the door so fast it'd made your head spin. A few minutes later the phone rings and it's the Hospice office wanting to know what's going on. I ask her the same things. She just keeps saying this is something he wanted and I kept insisting it's not what someone wants it a question between legally resuscitating someone whose heart has no beat and assisted suicide not to mention the fact he's in there starving to which she claims if he's hungry then she should be feeding him. She informs me she'll send out another nurse to talk to me.

In the meantime his sister wakes up and she wants to know why I didn't wake her up when the nurse came. I told her what transpired and that started a big argument between her and I. I just looked at her and I said think about what you are doing, this is the end for him, you are never going to see him again, when all the money's gone one day you'll be standing there wishing you still had him, just think about that, no one is ever going to be there for you like he was, he doesn't deserve to die like that. Then I went and sat in the living room. A few minutes later she came in there and she said when this is all done and over with we have to stay in touch, if I was ever in a situation like him I'd want someone like you on my side because you'll fight to the end for me. So you see she knew exactly what she was doing to him, an admission of her own guilt, otherwise there would never be a reason she'd ever feel compelled she'd need me unless someone was going to do the same wrong to her. But as usual it was all about her, she totally lacked a compassionate bone in her body, what I said went in one ear and out the other.

When the other Hospice nurse got there she really knew what she was doing. Her first concern was about him and getting him back to feeling comfortable and not restless. When she opened his box that administered his meds the bag was empty. She said this is the problem his med bag is empty. She tell her to go out and get another bag. She comes back with the only bag left in the refrigerator and it was the wrong medication. The nurse looks at tablet and she immediately knows something is wrong. She told her there must be a mistake as the medication ordered should have lasted for a week and it's only been four days. She says if there's no more medication then something is wrong here to which I give her a look of tell me about it while his sister can only stand there looking guilty as heck. It pretty much spelled out what I think she was doing before and she was back to doing it again, giving him his meds in the amount to knock him out so she wouldn't have to deal with it...only this time she ran out and that is how he came back awake and drove her crazy beyond being able to get any sleep. The nurse informs her she can't give him the only medication left, she'd have to remove his IV and they'd have to put it back in when they got more ordered. While she is doing this she notices his bed is wet. His sister tells her they tried to catheterize him once but he kept screaming in pain. The nurse looks over at me as I take it at this point from the look on her face there's no trust in what's going on here left, she tells me we have to get him over to one side and get the wet bedding from underneath him then we can work with him to get him catheterized. Once we got him rolled over the stench was just horrible. The nurse said the diapers she was using wasn't very good absorbing...to which I gave his sister the evil eye as I know he had her order the expensive quality diapers to which she said he was going through them to quickly to justify the expense....but it was his money, she should have reordered the best. He did scream like crazy when we were moving him but the catheterizing went better than we expected, I just kept telling him be patient this will work out for the best.

After the nurse left he asked for some yogurt, she knew her game was up and she have to give it to him so she goes out in the kitchen, brings back the yogurt with a spoon in it, slaps it on his belly and tells him to have fun with it and walks out of the room. I think he's gotten a bit tired of her attitude and he tries to lift himself out of the bed. She comes back in the room and ask if I want to go outside and I said I am going to help him with his yogurt. She notices he's trying to get out of the bed then starts a sermon to me that's why they have to keep him medicated because they get restless and she fears he's going to fall out of the bed. I told her it doesn't matter, he can't, he's too weak, leave him alone, if he wants to try and assert the last bit of his independence then let him be the one to realize he can't not you. When he got done I picked his legs up and put them back in the bed, helped him eat his yogurt, rubbed his forehead until he went back to sleep.

It was a long afternoon so I decided to take a nap. When I woke up I could hear her taunting him over the baby monitor. He was asking her for a cheeseburger and she was in there saying so you want a cheeseburger, you want me to get you a cheeseburger sarcastically. A Wendy's single and a frosty were his favorite foods, he was always sending us to Wendy's for a single, frosty and on Tuesdays a double order of chili. I went in there and I said I'll go see if Wendy's is still open and get him a cheeseburger. Wendy's wasn't open so I had to drive a few blocks until I found a Burger King open. When I got back she was standing there once again with her Cheshire grin proclaiming he was out again....I really wanted to ask her where that last bag of medication she couldn't use earlier went but I knew it would just start an argument.

Needless to say the next day when another Hospice nurse came all hell broke loose, this Hospice nurse was a real bitch. I told her this whole thing isn't making any sense because he doesn't appear to be in any pain, he's eating okay and his breathing is a bit labored but nothing his old medications couldn't fix. I told her what they are insisting upon is euthanizing him which is illegal. I told them I didn't see anything wrong with anyone wanting to spend their last few days having a friend help them eat some yogurt and rub their head. The debate got really heated to the point where his sister told me to go out in the garage or leave. Over the baby monitor I could hear him screaming no no no he didn't want the needle reinserted but they did it anyway. After they were done she came out in the garage and said the Hospice nurse was going to stay the day with her so I'd no longer be needed...which is illegal also as Hospice is forbidden to intervene keeping a relative or friend from a dying person but at that moment I didn't know that and I left, I really didn't have any more say in the matter.

I went home I was so upset. I told my son you should see what they are doing to him. I was livid, I grabbed the back of the couch cover in a grip pulling it up and down yelling how this was revenge for him asking her to get me this and get me that, looking at him helpless taunting him with you nothing short of saying you want some god damn yogurt, here's your god damn yogurt, eat your god damn yogurt, want some more god damn yogurt until my son gripped me in his arms as I wept.

I spent most of the night looking up stuff on Hospice. I found literally thousands of stories just like mine. Relatives, friends thrown out by others after putting up objections after watching viable and alert relatives put down like vegetables by Hospice. These people are being euthanized, these are not stories of resuscitation, resuscitation is when you have stopped breathing but yet of all the calls I made the next day absolutely no one would intervene, all of them complicit in breaking the law, all of them complicit in the inhumane treatment by unsavory relatives in what would otherwise be murder. The only people who took my complaint was adult protective services...and I doubt they even went there as I never got a follow up letter that I requested. This is the exact same thing that happened to my brother, the doctors couldn't say he'd die in less than six months so in order to go into a nursing home he had to agree to go in under Hospice care. What he didn't understand was when they told him they'd be taking over his medical care that meant denial of medical care until he passed. It took them less than three weeks to kill an individual that no doctor would swear would die in less than six months. I even had to call adult protective service on them when he bloated up and they refused to take him to the hospital, he was in agony, adult protective service made them take him. When I threatened to take him out of the hospital they banned me from entry...like I said earlier that in itself is illegal.

The next day I called and left a message with his sister that I wanted to come and get my puzzle books, dictionaries, and crossword dictionaries, she could leave them on the porch if she wanted. When I got there she was outside in the garage as usual. First thing she said to me was I bet you called all sorts of people on me. I said I sure did and I wouldn't be surprised if you got a visit by someone. Then she tried to accuse me of emptying his medicine bag...I said no that'd definitely be you, I said you go ahead and take some of your thousands of dollars and have that box fingerprinted and you won't find one fingerprint of mine on that box but I am sure yours is all over it. I told her one day when it's all gone you remember that I told you you'll come to regret the inhumane way you treated the only person willing to help you. The next day he was dead. I know in all my heart and soul they killed him, there's just no way he would have died a little over twenty four hours later. Maybe they removed his breathing tube, smothered him, gave him an overdose, who knows what method they used but they'd come to far in their scheme to have anyone coming around asking questions, they wanted out before that would be allowed to happen.

Personally I don't think this was her first rodeo either, standing in the garage telling her I told him I didn't think I could watch someone die to which she replied she has watched a lot of people die. Coincidence or planned? What are a lot of people? Why a lot of people when she seems to be around? She shouldn't be allowed around helpless, defenseless elderly people. I think any death she was reported to have been around should be investigated, the relatives talked to to see if money or other stuff came up missing or anything else that seemed amiss. This was to well organized, to much confidence in knowing what they were doing, the lack of any compassion. I wonder if they even returned the SUV that still had money owed on it or did the son take it down to Texas to a chop shop, he did coincidentally just bought himself a new house last month. You look at his Facebook and I find it curious there's no communication between him and her in the last couple months, with an endless supply of dying elderly at her fingertips, and a crime partner thousands of miles away and using Hospice as a cover up.....the perfect murders?