Goodbye 2017 - Aims for 2018

^Source

Farewell 2017

Overall, I have to say, you were not kind to me. Since being diagnosed with ME ~12 years ago this is possibly the hardest year I'd have. Don't get me wrong, I've had worse days or even weeks, but they were exactly that, weeks. The past 6 months have been one long hard slog that has drained me to almost the breaking point.

It was only a few weeks ago that I was seriously considering doing something very stupid and very final. I was tired, I was tired of being tired and I'd just received the news that all the work I'd been doing to provide for my family was actually hurting them financially. They were better off without me...

I'm happy to say that (spoilers!) I didn't do anything stupid. I'm still here writing this and you're all still stuck with me. There's only 2 people "in my life" (i.e. not online friends) who know about this, I can't/daren't tell anyone else. I'm in a better position now, a clearer frame of mind, but I'm not dancing in meadows hugging kittens quite yet. For some reason it's easier to say it here than out loud.

But 2017 wasn't all bad.

I discovered Steemit. It was my business's most successful year yet. My son started high school and has gone from being "needs a little help" to "top set" in his new school. My daughter has flourished from toddler to proper little madam, 4 going on 14, she's more of a teenager than her brother (11). And my wife, @scarletleonard, has been there for me, through the bad and the worse, taking up the slack when I couldn't bring myself to crawl out of bed some days, putting up with my foul moods and abuse (no, I don't hit my wife - I just lash out when I'm down, verbally) and of course working her butt off for the family. She is my rock and my angel... my rock angel...

^{BBC - Dr Who}

Onto 2018

So what does the new year hold and what do I want to make of it? Well I know for sure it will be my busiest business year to date. I have months of work queued up, more projects planned to market to customers rather than working on demand and the office move to tackle. Since Boxing Day I've felt that itch that I should be working, should be earning, but I've forced myself to relax or at least try to.

After 7 months on Steemit, with a big 3-4 month gap of no posting, I'm not yet technically a minnow, sitting at 380SP, 120SP off. I'm not going to judge myself on follower count, there's no way of verifying whether a "follower" actually follows you unless they vote/comment regularly. So my aim for 2018 is to become a minnow, not a huge aim I'll grant you, but I think aiming higher than that is shooting for outer space, plus I'm intended to spend some of my Steem...

I'll be powering down some Steem and selling it, possibly to @pennsif thanks to his post here, in order to fund some household and "homestead" projects. I've never spent any Steem before so this will be a novel experience.

I mentioned homestead (gee, this is segwaying pretty well!). I run another account over at @NotQuiteAFarm where I'll be putting out some content this year, especially since most of the Steem money will be going towards projects to push this side of my life forwards. That account is TINY and has barely had any attention or love given to it, so I'll be trying spend more time over there and maybe delegate some of my SP to it to balance things out.

Today I learnt

TIL is a series I started a few days ago and while it won't be a daily posting (I doubt there will be one today, but there's time yet) it should be little and often. I want to not only learn things, but retain that knowledge. To have a log of things I have learnt and to write those logs in such a way that when I look back on them there's enough information that it makes sense (something I struggle with) along with sharing the experience and information with others.

There will be lots to learn too, this year will be a learning year. We have this plan you see, a plan to buy the house we're renting (there's a discount), sell a few years later and buy a plot of land to build our own house. Somewhere with some land, some outbuildings, worksheds and the like. It may be that we buy an existing farmhouse or homestead, it may be that we move to North America to achieve this (land in the UK isn't cheap and building is heavily limited if you're not a construction company - rant on that another day!). To this end I'll be picking up some life skills...

By trade I build websites. I occasionally tinker with computer hardware. I've even been known to grow some veg... I want more life skills. For Xmas this year my wife got a half-day course with a master glass-blower. She's a glassworker and makes amazing jewellery and sculptural pieces which you can read more about here. She picked that herself, we always buy our own presents from each other (little bits aside), it's just easier. But this year I didn't know what I wanted and I knew money was tight (her course was booked months ago) so I didn't get anything... until now.

We haven't booked it yet but sometime this year I'll be going on a blacksmithing course! I'll be learning how to craft blades, axes, swords and the like along with more "useful" items. To back this up I looked at the local college and they run courses on construction, joinery (my Dad's a joiner so I know a fair bit already) and... welding! Not just welding either, but also side courses on auto-repair featuring welding. I've done "some" car mechanics, changed the turbo on our old Volvo s40 successfully, but welding bodywork (including fibreglass) and other accident style repairs too!

Alongside all of this, going back to my "keyboard warrior" roots, I'll be learning some new computer based skills too. I want to dive back into 3D modelling (and drag @gmuxx back there screaming and kicking too!), both for rendering pretties AND 3D printing. Is a 3D printer in my future? Maybe a steemit present to myself if things go well?

I also want to work on my video editing skills and start putting some videos up here. There's a whole host of hosting platforms (pun intended) available now, starting at youtube but also going to vimeo and dlive. I do a LOT of online gaming, I take it quite seriously, so sharing some videos of that could be fun. Any other EVE players out there?

I know that next year my son will be learning Python at school. Now I can program in over 40 languages but Python isn't one of them... yet. I'll be diving in head first and making sure that he aces that subject, the family honour is on the line. He also has an arduino board which he hasn't really put to use yet, we'll be getting that out and having some fun making lights flash and coming up with ideas of what to do.

Side note

Writing this post... it's really helped. I'll admit, since the Xmas rush faded off I've been anxious. Not just a little concerned about things but full on under the surface boiling panic attack in the making. I focus on the worst case scenario and making sure it doesn't happen without thinking of all the good things around me. I play whack-a-mole with problems without appreciating the fun of the game. Writing all the fun things I plan to do in the new year has helped, I can even feel the weight lifting off my shoulders.

Being social

Part of the reason I stopped posting ~3 months ago was the slump I was sinking into making me less and less social. I didn't want to go out, in fact other than work and my weekly get together with my BFF/war-gaming partner, I didn't go out. I didn't go to the nights out with my wife, she went with friends, I looked after the kids. I was the designated babysitter. I sank deeper and deeper into what I now realise is probably the word I despise, depression. I hate the word because it's so ambiguous, are you unhappy or are you actually ill. Being depressed can be anything from fed-up to a full blown suicidal chemical imbalance in the brain, the word conveys no exact meaning. Well, I'm not sure which side of that line I fall on but I can say I came pretty damn close to the worst case scenario.

I need community, even if it's not in real life, people on the internet who "care". Not just upvote, but ask how your day is and then read what you write back, rather than hoping for a "fine". I haven't spoken to anyone "medical" about this, I'm actually worried where that may lead. I do know there are services available to talk to in times of need and, touch wood, thus far haven't needed them, I've managed to talk myself down from anything bad. EVE Online (my main game) has an amazing service called "Broadcast for Reps" (playing on the ingame mechanic of asking for repairs from a logistic/healer ship). EVE is such a toxic game filled with the worst excrement of human existance and yet I've never met a single asshat on there that wouldn't stop and talk to you if you were genuinely down. It's amazing how one of the nastiest social communities can be the closest - truly unique. But anyway, does Steemit have anything like this? Are there communities on Steemit for people to talk in times of need, just vent or get reassurance? Even if not for myself I'd be very keen to help promote them.

Plans for tonight

Par for the course, my wife is going out, taking the kids to a local disco at the village hall, and I'll be sat at home, relaxing and enjoying the quiet. I should probably go with them but I won't. But I'll be home, keeping the house warm and ready to tuck them all in when they get home.

Anyway, I've rambled enough, what are your plans for tonight, for the new year? Will 2018 be THE year for you?