It's Christmas and we're still missing you, Tatay :-(

Christmas is just around the corners. Nobody can't stop it, as the song goes "tuloy pa rin ang pasko".

(Photo credits: printscreen)

It will be our second Christmas and New Year's Celebration, without our tatay (father). The moment we lost him last year, our lives were never the same again.

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We celebrated the holidays last year, with a heavy heart. Of course, Christmas is the season to be jolly and everyone is happy and celebrating it to the full. But for us who have incomplete family, be it a loss of a loved one or an OFW, celebrating these holidays, are never the same. We continue to miss them and wished they were still with us. I feel you, those who have lost loved ones. And believe me when I tell you, that it is indeed, so hard to go on, so hard to move on.

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I thank God that my tatay is with the Lord already, no more pain, no more tears. He is now in a much better place. But his presence will always be missed by us. We have a not-so-perfect father and daughter relationship, just like the others, but I am sure that my tatay loved me and my ading (brother). We're not that showy of our affection but we do love our tatay. Yes, I do have some regrets, though. I have planned to treat him out for dinner before, but due to some unavoidable circumstances, it did not materialize. I wish I had a time machine, to turn back time. As of this writing, my eyes were already filled with tears. I just couldn't help it. I terribly miss my tatay so much, specially this holidays, you know, we don't have that much, we don't go out of the country or out of town to celebrate the holidays, but we are happy and contented because we have each other back then, we are complete. We don't have the most delicious and sumptuous foods on our table, but we eat together during the holidays, back then. I am certain that I am already in my old self again, missing my tatay and wishing he was still here, with us.

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It's been a year already, but those painful and sorrowful pictures on my mind get clearer and more visible to me. I do not hate this feeling whenever the Yuletide season gets near, it's just that I embrace it and accept it because, it has become a part of my being already. I cannot just forget about those times, when I was still looking after him and relieving my nanay in the hospital. It's a part of me and I cannot do anything about it. But I am moving on, we all are, by God's grace. There were also times, in my prayer that I am asking God, why didn't He extend his life even just after his 69th birthday. I pleaded God for this but He was deaf to my prayer back then. I still don't know His purpose, He has not yet revealed to me, but I keep trusting Him, His heart and His will, for me and for my family.

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I don't know how others in the same situation like us, process their suffering and pain of losing a loved one. There is one thing I know for sure. They continue to trust and obey God. Yes, this is always easier said than done, but it's also the only way to move on. God created our feet to move forward and not backward. So with our life, no matter how sad or how bad things turned out, we need to move on. No matter how hard we fall, we need to get up.

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I am writing this entry today because I feel empty and heavy and I really miss my tatay again. It's Christmas, the time, a perfect time for families all around the world, regardless of religious beliefs, customs, traditions, colors, anything, come together to just celebrate it and spend time with each other. I know that it is Christmas, it is all about love, giving, caring, and forgiving. A part of me tells me too, that Christmas, is not only just being with the family, it is also giving a part of us to them whom we love and cherished the most. So for this coming season, I know a part of me is missing because, I've given it to my tatay. I will always miss him as long as I live and I will always have this feeling of incompleteness because he is not with us physically anymore.

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I am very sorry to make you sad about this post. I do hope that you understand my predicament. It is very hard to lose a loved one and during the holidays, we missed them the most. I am sure that some of you can relate to this. So for this coming Christmas, we planned to go to our cousins to bond with them. After all, Christmas will still be Christmas with or without my tatay. It is still the best celebration in the world. Why? Because it is the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. And the very essence of this joyous event is for us to be united in giving ourselves to others, to share our blessings to them. Let us not allow the sadness and the loss of our loved ones to hinder our giving our love to others, especially this season. Let us continue to give love on Christmas day. In spite of our losses, our pain, our hurt, let us continue to give meaning to Christmas to those who are losing hope, to those who needs our love. Let us continue to celebrate it with our loved ones who are still with us, no matter what. Enjoy our moment with them and cherish every time spent with them.

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And to all those who are still complete and intact, all the more enjoy it also to the fullest. Don't find the time, instead make time for them. I have made a post about the difference of these two (finding time versus making time). Here's the link for your reference, thank you. https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@shirleynpenalosa/family-matters-most

Merry Christmas to all of you, from my family, the Navarro and Peñalosa Family. :-)

Thank you for stopping by and God bless us all :-)

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