Stigma is a Locked Door: Being Honest About Mental Illness
My following has grown considerably in the last two months. Each Thursday, I like to do a throwback post. This one is from my earlier days on Steemit. Because I write often about mental health, this is a good introductory piece. If you are just getting to know me, welcome! If you are already a friend, let's dive deeper.
I'm not shy about sharing my mental health experiences because I don't believe mental illness should be stigmatized. Stigma stands in the way of progress. It prevents understanding and limits access in varied situations. Stigma also breeds fear. An example is the way popular media has applied the idea of "bad" to specific religious practices or groups, vilifying them in the public eye.
What I'm saying is it's important to ask questions, to get curious instead of afraid and angry, and to be honest.
This is a picture I shared on my private Instagram feed. In it, I am deeply anxious despite literally everything going right for me. There was no reason for the anxiety. It's just part of me.
When I share my mental landscape, I'm being honest even though it makes me vulnerable. Don't for a second think it isn't frightening to me each time I hit "publish." What keeps me sharing is the incredible number of people who show up and say "me too."
The truth is, we are not alone in our experiences. Anxiety, depression, autism, PTSD, OCD, disordered eating and so many more diagnostic terms and codes apply to most of the people in our lives. Not because there is something wrong with any of us. These labels are simply ways of understanding the ways our experiences vary from the accepted norm. They help us apply a framework and seek the best methods for self-care, allowing us to live our best lives.
It's when we deny possibility that we suffer.
We don't need diagnoses to know if we are feeling bad. They are a tool to tell us if there is an ongoing reason why a state of mind persists, especially when it defies logic.
Take me, for example. I am the happiest I have ever been. My business is at its best. My children are amazing. I live in a home and on a property I love. My husband and I have created our best relationship to date. I have multiple tools at my disposal for self-care.
Here I am totally relaxed in my hammock yesterday.
But I'm depressed.
I can't shake it, even though I've been aware and working on it very actively using multiple therapies and interventions for years. My brain keeps firing those patterns. Depressed and anxious is my baseline. I can't remember a time I didn't feel this way. I have dealt with this since I could think, and I'm told even as an infant.
This is my norm. And I could hide it or mask it and, through those choices, further stigmatize my experience.
Or I can be honest and state flat out that this is me, I'm okay with me, and live in the open.
Staying open is a challenge. But, stigma is a closed door. Closed doors lead to fear. We can't see to understand what's on the other side. So we imagine. We fill the space beyond with monsters. We produce reasons to keep the door shut so we don't have to reach into our own pockets and recognize we hold the key.
That key is compassion. And through compassion, acceptance. Understanding. More honesty.
Those of you who are reading, thank you. I appreciate you keeping those keys handy, that door open. In my experience, most of us have experienced both sides of the door. I hope one day we can remove it entirely.
How are you practicing self-acceptance?
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Well I am one of those "me too" people. My ups and downs have been a central theme in my own blog. Often it results in my absence for a time. I find when the lows hit it can trigger a worsening in my physical health (of which there are considerable issues, but often quote stable).
Sometimes that feeling of "is this too much?" when it comes to something I post hits me. Too vulnerable, too raw? I'm grappling with that at the moment with something I have recently written and still torn on whether to publish or not.
I appreciate the honesty, I get the issue of stigma. My thanks to you for publishing this.
@naquoya, would you like to touch base privately about that work? I am happy to support you confidentially, even just as a pros/cons conversation. You know how to find me on Discord if that speaks to you. Knowing when to hit go is important for self-care. And I hear you. Yesterday I was slogging through depression that manifested as physical pain. It was . . . well, it still hurts, but one day at a time.
Thank you again for publicly sharing these feelings.
I feel a lot less alone.
Thanks for the invite to look over the work I have referred to. I will contact you at Discord :)
Hey! I just highlighted the same line!
Gotta remember to read ALL the comments before commenting, myself. ;-)
No harm in sharing the same line if it speaks to you :)
Although if I'm not careful I could end up highlighting the whole article.
Honestly, you are almost an angel to me. Everytime I start to believe in myself something triggers my fear, anxiety and rage defense--/and i upset or hurt someone else.
Its not easy to find that balance of self love yet also taking responsibility for screwing up over and over and over.
But people like you and many others in #teamgirlpowa help me to keep my head up.
I'm glad you reposted this and i intend to write more for mental health on my day off. So many posts to write.. do much distraction...so little energy.....
Arg. This is obvi @limabeing aka capn girlpowa
hello @limabeing!
I remember a few months ago, both of us at a place where things trigger those old feelings -
and I remember door slammings -
It is never my intention to hurt someone else.
I hate knowing my screw-ups inconvenience others (or cause them stress and over-work).
I just want to shut down and hide my thoughts, my words, my feelings,
because nobody else needs to be affected by them.
And yet, I can't seem to be alone too long. Something in me keeps seeking out human contact.
And so it begins. Again. The same old cycle.
Doctors, pills, books, determination, awareness -
I'm at the point of thinking only Diet and Exercise will help.
No sugar No Grain No Dairy No Legumes
The AutoImmune Protocol
It's that, or I die sooner rather than later. Do or die!
Sorry. Bless you @limbeing - you are not alone.
No daiirrryyyy,?,??!??? I cant. Ps u r teh sh!t
Oh, I love this - identify with this - and feel for you - and with you!
Thi:
When I share my mental landscape, I'm being honest even though it makes me vulnerable. Don't for a second think it isn't frightening to me each time I hit "publish." What keeps me sharing is the incredible number of people who show up and say "me too."
Only minute ago, I wondered why I bother speaking. Why tell anyone what I think and open myself up to the criticism or disapproval that so often follows? Some days, nothing I say seems "safe" - except silence.
I think there might be solition to your healt problem.
There are solutions and I am pursuing them through proper self-care, eating and medication. I'm not sure you intended this comment to be judgmental, but it feels further stigmatizing to me as it suggests I am somehow not doing the "right thing" and that's why I suffer from mental illness.
Wow, you sound like me.
@ctuka, I have to ask if the solution you speak of is (horrible term!) "Leaky Gut Syndrome" and the horrifying diet (no sugar, dairy, grain, or legumes, but sauerkraut and kombuchi, all you want - uh, I don't). I know, I know, cut out the sugar, Job #1. It's in everything. And gluten!! It helps immensely, but ALL GRAINS (no rice, no corn, not even popcorn) - most days I don't follow the AutoImmune protocol diets. And I pay. And everyone who interacts with me pays.
@carolkean—what you just described-yep. No grains, no sugar, no dairy, no gluten, no soy, no legumes except I can tolerate peanut butter (thank the goddess for small favors). Most tree nuts are also a no for me. Staying in ketosis helps immensely but is not always possible. I love all the research that is coming out about the gut-brain connection!
That key is compassion and through compassion, acceptance, Understanding and more honesty.
A note to take home.
Thank you for this read
You are so very welcome.
Such an important post, I find it really upsetting the lack of understanding that people have for something that effects us all. We all have our mental health and no one is happy, stable 24/7. Stigma around mental health really isolates people and that for me is a huge reason why people suffer. Like you said acceptance is the key. We need to be standing together and supporting one another.
We need to move away from this idea that we should be happy all the time. Our emotions make us who we are, they are all valuable to our being.
Thank you for sharing this @shawnamawna
Thank you. Yes yes yes. We need to stop isolating and start embracing. I appreciate you affirming this.
My favorite part is how you say the best thing to offer is compassion. I've been withpeople with depression but had to suck in my Rage, knowing compassion Wonks gives me hope in the future to not offend. Thank you for you honesty and sharing! keep on Keeping on.
I think there is no situation in which compassion doesn't help. @raymondspeaks has a great video on how we can be supporting of those we know with mental illness. I hope he'll link it here. An honestly stated, "That sounds really hard" is almost always helpful as it validates, allows the person to know they are heard, and shows caring. Getting angry is very natural, especially when dealing with someone who insists there are only problems and no solutions. I like to offer, in those cases, statements such as "if you'd like to brainstorm some solutions, let me know" and, when I'm overwhelmed myself, "It's really hard for me to hear this right now. Could we revisit this subject later?"
I love that you are thinking about how not to offend. That in itself is compassionate.
I think its great that your so open about your mental health. Your an inspiration to others.I feel like by being open is a great coping mechanism and build a great support community.
Thank you! Openness is absolutely wonderful for coping. Staying closed off encourages shame. I am not at fault for my mental health needs. We are only at fault if we do not seek to become our best. Now, the privilege I have in pursuing proper health care is not a road open to everyone, but if we can dismantle stigma and grow understanding, we can pave the way to proper support for everyone.
I agree i am sure it may have been difficult at first for you to e open about this topic. But i'm sure you had a great and supportive team to cheer you on. You are truly an inspiration and are making a difference to bring awareness to mental health.
I never get disappointed when ever i visit your blog, like i auto notified your post notification.
FYI this does not look depressed atall 😁, it looks beautiful. And how coincidentally amazing i was thinking today about honesty and self acceptance which comes through happiness and self fufillment,
Nothing beats that, you should try it, take offence at nothing, be happy and do what you want and love to be fufilled. And it amazing how i have grown to connect with your blog and sire @nat5an. Wel honestly i came for the prize, but now its has definitely moved beyond that even though i always wish i win, but i always learn something anytime i have the time to visit your blog.😊
Thanks for treating us to awesome post everysingle time🎊🎊🎋🎋🎉
Thank you! You know, depression often is beautiful in its way. And most people can't tell the difference between one who is depressed and one who is feeling well unless they state it. Mental illness is mostly invisible. I actually practice smiling at myself in my phone camera or mirrors to increase my own joy. This image was one of those moments.
Its is one moment to cherisch for life then😁
"came for the prize..."? what prize?
Reading the post is the prize.
Seeing someone who looks so young and beautiful owning up to the inner darkness - it's sad! - but at the same time, it's uplifting. Because you keep moving, keep trying, keep going on, instead of giving up.
Well said 👏
What a powerful and insightful statement which most just don't get.... "I am the happiest I have ever been....But I'm depressed." This seeming dichotomy is a state of existence for so many, where function exists, but doesn't stop the irrational thoughts, anxieties, and fears. It is this reality right there that confounds those who see others as emotional or attention seeking or whatever. To understand that statement is to dive deep into the life of one who is suffering.
Exactly. Function is no indication of faring. And outward expression is the skin of inner experience.