“He’s your fourth baby and he’s not even yours.“
I imagined I would be a mother to four. My third child showed me that should not happen. Mothering three is challenging enough. No matter the excess of love, I do not have the energy or patience for one more baby. And yet fourth babies keep finding their way into my life.
My KID1 noticed. In fact, that title is a direct quote. Ha!
Kid1 getting his goof on.
The first was our dog. He was mistreated by his trainer. He had a lot of fear and was just a puppy. The result was pooping in the house and Velcro tendencies. He was a baby and he needed to be babied. Now he’s not the service dog he was intended to be, but he does an enormous amount of emotional support for our family day to day. I still coddle him. He still vies for the position of youngest with Kid3. Their “sibling” rivalry is hilarious.
The rivalry between these two is less hilarious.
There are others who have held this fourth space. Most notable is the newborn in my arms. I only get to keep him for a week (which is honestly just fine), but he inspires such love that I am awake past midnight writing about him and his arrival in our home.
When I look at his sleeping face, I wish for the energy I had 20 years ago, when staying awake all night was a fun challenge rather than a painful chore. I’m so happy to hold this little fella! I’d love to stare at him all night, but I will only last a couple hours more before I find someone to take my place and cuddle this cutie while I sleep. Honestly, I may last longer. I need the sleep less than his mama. And he really is a sweetie.
I wonder if the puppy we’ll be getting in June will be another fourth child.
We have a couple of kids in our family whom I didn't give birth to, but they've become family nonetheless. A child that I met and mentored starting 10 years ago who reached out in her time of need and then kind of just 'stuck' (and later when she came out as gay, her family pretty much refused to accept it, so she's become even more a part of our family) and another friend of the family who has been around since my kids were little. That, plus dogs, the kids who call me mom and flit in and out of our lives here and there... I love being the 'safe place' for kids who don't feel that they have that elsewhere.
I was taken in by my best friend's family and it was the best thing that could have happened at that time in my life. I have actually been wrestling with a story about it. Their family had its own hardships as all families do, but they showed me what unconditional love looks like. Also stability.
3 is so hard! I am happy to know someone who opens their heart and home to help others, that's amazing.
My sister has 2, she wants another, her husband doesn't. I know it's hormones at that point in life. Being 12 years older than her, she's told me plenty of times how right I was. I told her, this is going to be another one of those times. 2 is perfect. 3 adds on another whole dimension that you don't even realize until it's happening.
While I am bone weary, I am really loving having Lili and her wee bairn here with us. My kids are what amaze me most. They have been working to adjust their behavior to be make sure they are supporting Lili's rest and recovery. We don't have to ask them. Seeing their compassion and empathy is rewarding, especially as it has taken the place sibling rivalry. Working together for a common goal. <3
That's amazing and a true testament to how you parent :)
We have two boys, and two children was all we wanted. Did I want a daughter? In some ways, yes, but it just didn't happen.
Now, however, I have found my daughter in my 2 year old niece. I am one of her favorite people and she fills any void I may have had that we never had a daughter of her own. I help to spoil her rotten with all the hair bows and dresses I can afford (and wayyyyy more than she needs), but she's the only girl I have to buy for!! :)
Oh my gosh. I love this. You know, the family we make is everything. While your niece is already your family, you are creating a stronger bond than was born. It's wonderful that she fulfills that longing for you. Now I'm missing my nieces. I have 5. <3