Why There Is So Much Negativity On Social Media and How To Fix It
Is social media a microcosm of reality and society? Or is it instead a world unto itself, largely detached from the full spectrum of human experience? I argue that it’s the latter. If anything, social media is presently just a mostly negative caricature of the real world.
Most everyone, including psychologists and sociologists who have studied the matter, agree that social media is awash in negativity. But...why? Is the world really that negative? No, not by any objective measure.
Today the world is safer than at most any time in recorded human history. Crimes (and especially violent crimes, including rape) are near record lows. Life expectancies are near all time highs. Worldwide rates of poverty have declined by more than 80 percent over the last few decades.
So, if reality isn’t all that bad, then why does social media portray it to be so?
I think there are multiple reasons. But one of the biggest and least appreciated (IMHO) is our human reluctance to celebrate life or express joy in the face of others’ pain or angst. And since there are always people suffering somewhere, we unconsciously conclude that sharing our joy is improper.
This reluctance to share joy is usually anchored in one of two (or perhaps both) of the following thought patterns (which are often unconscious):
- It’s not acceptable for me to be happy when there’s so much suffering and injustice in the world,
OR
- It’s not acceptable for me to APPEAR to be happy when there’s so much suffering and injustice in the world.
These two thought patterns are similar but slightly different. The first describes those people who actually deny themselves happiness and joy as a way of sympathizing with, empathizing with or displaying solidarity with the less fortunate or oppressed. This is not a large percentage of the population, fortunately, but they are definitely overrepresented on social media and so cast an outsized shadow over it. It seems to me that people who self-identify as social activists or “Social Justice Warriors” are way overrepresented among this group.
The second second thought pattern describes those people who actually do experience joy and wonder in real life but who decline to share their positive experiences on social media for fear of being deemed a braggart or being viewed as insensitive to the plight of others less fortunate. “How can I share my joy over my promotion when Johnny just told the world on Facebook that he’s got cancer and Trump’s about to bomb North Korea? I’ll look insensitive at best or self-absorbed at worst.” Most of the world probably falls into this group in some form or fashion.
Even when we make positive statements on social media, we usually feel compelled to offset them with something negative just so that we don’t appear too fortunate or too pleased with ourselves. This has lead to an epidemic of “humble bragging”—the practice of making a self-deprecating or modest statement that’s actually intended to draw attention to something about which one is actually excited or proud. It seems that it’s just not okay to be genuinely excited about one’s life anymore, or at least to convey that excitement to friends via social media. How sad.
Interestingly, we seemingly have no similar reluctance to share negative things on social media. There’s no unspoken requirement to offset the negative with something positive. Unlike humble bragging, there’s no compulsion to engage in “joyful lamenting.” Instead, when we lament, we implicitly reaffirm that we care about the plight of others and that we are engaged with the “important” issues of the day.
By underweighting the significance of the positive and overweighting the importance of the negative, we unconsciously guarantee that negatively is way overrepresented on social media as compared to real life. So, social media is not a microcosm of reality at all. In many ways its actually Bizarro World. Is it any wonder then than that study after study demonstrates a positive correlation between time spent on social media and rates of anxiety and depression?
Interestingly a new study out this week finds that people dislike humble bragging far more than...well..actual bragging! By denying our readers the full and authentic expression of our unabashed joy, and instead by offsetting it with some contrived self deprecation so as to maintain appearances, we both come across as disingenuous and also deny our readers an opportunity to fully celebrate life with us. When we assume that our readers will be offended by or jealous of our success or our delight, we assume the worst of them. And that implicit insult does not go unnoticed.
What a sad and dismal world it becomes when people feel safe fully expressing the negative while downplaying or dismissing the positive. I for one would LOVE to read more about your unabashedly positive experiences (no humble bragging please!). I hope you’ll trust me and the world to celebrate them right along with you and that you’ll resist the temptation to assume that we’ll be jealous or think less of you for being happy. I promise to give you the same courtesy.
Wow, I read this and digested it yesterday and just came back to it. Really good stuff. I appreciate the fact that you pointed out that so much of it comes from a place of empathy and insecurity. I think often, especially in sociological observations, it's easy to lean on the "Here's everything you're doing wrong" approach, which I didn't feel from you here.
Imagine if we did feel some kind of pressure to offset our bad news with good news. For me, one of the biggest things that has offset this social media insecurity is coming onto Steemit. When I'm not feeling the eyeballs of these people that know me and all of my business in real life, I feel more comfortable being myself. Even if that means all good news, all the time (or vice versa).
Spot on - was thinking the perfect description of Germans on social media! Probably people now have access to anything (news / scandals whatever) in real-time - many people can not handle this and think only / mainly negative.
Positivity is a good thing - was my motto when I started but even I got into this #toxic mood once in a while and then try to step back and look forward with re-energized positivity. Some kill you when you write about being positive though lol
Glad to read such a post.
Thank you, I was actually waiting for an article like this.
My interpretation of what you just said: When people consume absently what media presents (daily news & co) they aren't in physical touch with worlds poverty, crime and war. What they think they see of "others" seems to be just a backflash of themselves and the pain one feels in watching arousing TV-scenes or newspaper-news is like self-watching. One watches and relates to the hurting part of the self. The pictures and headlines seem to activate pain memories.
A very funny & positive answer on depression I found yesterday:
There is this guy here who said that he suffered from depression and started recording himself on his computer. He more and more enjoyed the self talk and it felt as if he talked to someone ELSE who was responding. Isn't that interesting? It has helped him as one part of his own created program to overcome his depression.
I do have physical and emotional contact to refuges and very poor and miserable people through my work. I find it important to find something in the lives of those people which activates their pride, hope and dignity. The poorest people are very much generous, I often was offered presents and gestures of grace. I do not pity them and I try not to worry or be afraid of their states of mind and heart. I do feel empathy a lot but don't take home their biographies and destinies. I feel often deeply touched. And that is over all a POSITIVE feeling.
From what you describe - no problem sharing negative stuff - I would add there is also no problem to broadcast positive stuff - yellow press and mass media is a very good example of a "manic-depressive" phenomena.
Where, on the one hand, there is always a shiny mood, where all superlatives of the language are exploited and laughter cheer even more up the sunny minds.
Moderator: "Well, what a wonderful day this is!!! HaHaHaHa!! Susie, tell us, what awaits us today on the sunny beach of Waikikiriki?!!!"
When the gold medals and successes of gigantic projects can hardly be any more gigantic, the "fighting in Gaza" and the many "brute violence" are read aloud in a cold, sober tone show a form of subtle dismay. jaddajaddajadda
I would say that two extremes express themselves and the media, by their very nature, live on such extremes. Nobody should buy that. But of course, we are humans.
To stay in the middle is quite an art, no? I like though to experiment with uneasy stats of mind for it gives great opportunities to mature.
Good evening for you! :-)
I love reading your posts, @sean-king. :) I just noticed this past year that any media (social or other kinds) focus primarily on negativity and fear. And I started consciously retraining myself not to add that "polite hue of negativity" to everything I say or post, not to focus my own thoughts on what's wrong in my life, but rather on what's right in my life. It's not easy to do, I must have been trained somehow to do just the opposite. Yet I persevere :). Thank for this post!
This clearly explains everything.
Another thing about social media is the depression it causes. It's a well known fact.
Social media has also become a place where people do all their braggings and pretense. Everybody claims to be rich, handsome and beautiful on social media.
When someone else all of this, think about the depression that will follow.
Others resort to crime just to make money and please others (those on the social media).
Thanks @sean-king for sharing this well researched and incisive article. Thumbs up.
Happy Steeming
Social media has so many negative effects on the masses... Denying or simply pretending not to be happy is good if you want to become anxious and depressed... I think way too many people fear to be happy, because people tend to be like others. If everyone is unhappy, then I must be unhappy as well or I'm not going to be human anymore. Yeah, the psychology part is screwed up and social media is a big part of that screw up. I tend to stay away from social media, because it's destroying the way we communicate and interact in real life, we seek recognition in the form of likes, shares and whatever more. People tend to forget about the present moment and their lives, because they are trapped inside the virtual world.
From a superficial perspective, social networks bring people together on the Internet, but when we get deeper we can actually see that individuals are abstracted. People spend more time on social networks, face-to-face communication has been greatly reduced. Many scientists have studied the concept of "isolation" in many studies, and they have reported that this concept leads to many other mental, psychological, emotional and physical disturbances as well as many other anxieties such as anxiety, somatic complaints and depression. This is because the abstraction caused by the use of excessive social media weakens the hormones that act on the brain and therefore it can be said that high levels of stress, aggression and anxiety are seen in socially isolated people. @sean-king
Reading your post as you shared about reluntant to share joy and appeared to be happy. This reminds me of a story about a man who had a terminal disease and he was supposed to have left a couple of days. He decided to die happily by renting funny videos and locked himself in the hotel room and enjoy and laugh over the videos. Amazingly, he recovered. Perhap the main sickness in most of us is the lack of the enjoyment of what happiness is. We are easily worried about life issues. Even not as many of us are in steemit is concerned about the fallen in price for almost all cryptocurrency. We are also struggling to see when a minnow like to ever will get an upvote from a whale as we keep posting non-stop. Fear and worries are the source of all sickness. I guess your post help us to reflect and be more aware of our emotions. Thanks for posting and I will continue to follow you!
Most of us have not been taught the skills to appreciate another's joy. So when Johnny shares about his promotion, people who have not been taught how to experience unadulterated joy, will find jealousy instead. On the other hand, people who have been taught to feel their feelings without worry about an authority smacking them down for their giddiness, will be able to share that joy right along with Johnny.
To relate to someone else who is sharing his joy is a skill, just like breathing, walking, talking, reading and writing. A more enlightened view of Johnny's sharing of a promotion could be something like, "Wow. If that could happen to him, that could happen to me." It is this exploration of the positive experiences in life that keep me coming back to social media.
Yes, I see all the negativity, but I don't let it represent life as I know it. As an analogy, rather than watch the news, I'll watch "Lucky Dog". I just change the channel or change my mind.
This is something that I have come to enjoy about Steemit. Most people here are pretty upbeat and civilized. Even in a contentious debate in the comments section of a post. That is what keeps me coming back.