The Risk to Offend

All photos courtesy of GraphicStock.com

I'm very much a people pleaser. I go to great lengths to avoid upsetting other people. If I make someone feel uncomfortable, even if it's by accident, even if I apologize profusely, it still keeps me up at night. So needless to say, I'm naturally pretty careful about not saying things that are offensive.

So when I saw this video making the rounds on social media a while ago, while I thought it was laugh-out-loud funny -- pretty much everything by JP Sears is. -- I also found it was a little too true for comfort.

Because lately, the risk of causing offence is so high that even I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

Everywhere we look, someone is offended about something.

It's OK to feel offended sometimes. It means that we've set boundaries on how we expect to be treated. It means that we have standards. The problem is not that we feel offended. It's how we react to feeling that way.

Where once we would stand up and say, "I don't like that" or "I disagree," now we demand that the offender be punished, fired, put out of business. We seek vengeance with a vengeance. And we are prepared to boycott and protest and throw a public tantrum until we get it.

Look, I am 100 per cent supportive of the right to peaceful protest. And there are certainly times when it's necessary to take a strong stance. But when our gut reaction is to respond to extreme views -- or even moderately disagreeable ones -- with an extreme response, we lose out on an opportunity.

Instead of shouting about how offended we feel and demanding immediate action, immediate change, maybe, just maybe, we could use the situation to start an actual conversation. We could take the time to share why we're upset. We could listen to what our offender actually has to say.

Now I know what you're thinking. Some things are so offensive that there is no room for tolerance. Some people are so extreme in their beliefs that there is no room for reason. And that may very well be true. But I think there are many cases where, if we try, we could at least learn something in the process. Or better yet, we could educate others who are watching the situation unfold.

Every time we shout down someone for saying something that we perceive as wrong or intolerant, we silence another person who simply doesn't understand. A person who has questions that they're now afraid to ask for risk of causing offence. I know this because I have heard many people say, literally, and quietly, "I don't understand this but I'm afraid to ask about it because I don't want to piss anyone off."

I live a largely privileged life. There is a lot in this world that I don't understand, and that I haven't experienced. I don't know what it's like to discriminated against because of my skin colour or sexual orientation. I've never had to listen to someone spew hatred targeted at people who share my religion or political beliefs. I can only imagine how that must feel, and how badly I would want to shut that person up, and make their offensive words go away.

But I truly believe that the way to achieve this isn't by forcing these offensive ideas into the shadows. It's be addressing them in the light. By using offensive remarks as opportunities to engage, explain and educate. By inviting others off of the sidelines and into our circles, and by ceaselessly, passionately working to find a way forward.

If you enjoyed this post, follow @redhens. You may also be interested in my writing series': RedHens Writing Advice and Writing Grit. Here are the latest posts:

• Writing Grit: Resources for Beginners
• RedHens Writing Advice: Making Time and Space to Write
• RedHens Writing Advice: Write Every Day