Learning to embrace my emotions, especially negativity
We are lied to.
I'm not sure if it was the same for you but all through my life I've been told that my emotions were wrong. When I was three my Dad would smack me hard for crying, often following with the phrase, "keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." It was ridiculous in essence because mostly I was crying because they had me out late whilst they drunkenly partied. I was tired. From an early age, I learned that crying wasn't normal, it was bad.
Then as I grew older I was taught that it wasn't healthy to be angry. That being angry was for bad people that couldn't control their emotions. Angry was for people like my Dad or the bad boys I'd see roaming the street. It wasn't good to be angry. I couldn't be sad either, although I received lots and lots attention for it, but sadness is a crime on the happiness memento in the household, no-one wanted me to be sad, they only wanted me to be happy and experience good emotions and be positive for it. It's the general way of things.
Pray you don't suspect either. Suspicion is for the suspicious, and suspicious people sit over with the shady people that don't trust anyone over there. It wasn't good to doubt in my household, because everyone told the truth, even when they weren't. I was told that the way I was feeling was stupid and that I shouldn't be feeling the way that I was. That's mostly why I grew up not trusting my inner self, because my Dad lied through his back teeth and told me that I was being like my Mum for thinking he was a bullshitter. My Mum lied to me too on occasion. What was worse was that she told me that she hated lies, and yet, she told the odd massive porky on occasion. I'll never lie to Alex. Never. I haven't yet.
I expect most of you will have experienced what I have in a greater or lesser fashion. Growing up, thinking that being happy, or positive is what most people should feel like all the time. Being told off for being rightfully mad, or having suspicion thrown back in your face as stupidity when you just know Mum has something she isn't telling you. If we think of it realistically it is traits that have been passed down from generation through generation in one big bullshitty snowball of carnage.
Such a freeing experience when I learned it was all shit.
To fully understand this, I had to start thinking about how other people would feel or react when they are feeling emotions like I do. It was hard at first because when there's applications such as Facebook wrapping us up in our own little worlds of 'I'm the only important person in the room' then thinking of anything else didn't come naturally to me. Yet, I prevailed through self-observation and watching others.
We often forget that Mum and Dad are feeling, thinking humans too, and my Mum was terribly insecure, as was my Dad. They were passing down what they had been taught onto me, even if it was incredibly toxic. My Dad, barely had any parenting because his Mum and Dad were always at the pub, and My Mum had a super strict upbringing, a little Catholic girl was my Mum, and as it happens she was rebelling hard, from her Mum, her ex-husband, life, everything. See where I'm going with this? As I grew up my emotions were conflicted, fighting against one another as the wayward Dad inside me fought hard against the do-good Catholic school girl with a rebellious side. I was essentially fucked. Hardcore screwed. I understand why professionals had destined me for face down in the gutter.
I'm glad I met such amazing people in my life at the turning point. I'm a firm believer that life gives you what you feel at the time. Previously, I had hated myself so I had positioned myself amongst people that despised the ground that they walked upon. Then when I wanted to seek knowledge, truly wanted to change for the better then I found myself amongst people that wanted the same, wanted to better themselves, albeit they were much further ahead than me. They could see the dark path that I was walking and helped me out into the light. It's how I continue to grow now. I feel there is so much more to learn. I would be ignorant if I said there was nothing else I could learn about humanity, because I'll be honest and say it surprises me every day.
I let my emotions exist now. If I feel sad then I know I am right to feel sad. The same with anger and unhappiness. I feel those because I am right to feel them. I was told long ago that my emotions were wrong, that negativity was bad. I disagree wholeheartedly now. I think if I feel devastated I should embrace that. I should let it consume me and know that what I am feeling is spot on. After all, I am the expert on me, no-one else. I had to learn again to feel my emotions. I was like a baby awakening up to the real world for the first time. I was no longer rejecting the way that I felt. No longer was I telling myself to get a grip and just cheer up. I knew that whatever I was feeling in the moment was just and for the right reasons. It's why I'm at one with myself now.
I am at peace.
Thanks for reading :)
yes I tried to block them all the time till a moment I dicided to enbrace them aswell. It gives a feeling of freedom, like you are released and finally you are telling you can feel how you feel, no more no less.
Exactly it, friend :)
Good story And nice to meet you.
Please follow me @patricksanlin and upvote. Thanks
Thanks dude
actually your post is so logical. see you around
Use the force, Luke! :)
This article will probably blow up if people will take the time to read it. Most people have experienced something similar and can relate for sure. Some people think I'm crazy for not lying to my kids about Santa Clause, or Easter Bunny, Etc. You are right about everything being a big fat lie
Truth in this world is much needed and I'm inspired by your post. One thing for sure is that you do get out what you put in. If you eat junk food you'll usually feel bad. If you don't exercise your body will show it over time or if you do eat well and exercise your body will show it over time. I think mentally it is the same. Too much sadness and negativity will show its effects to the mind over time. Too much all positive bull crap will do the same. In a way you can kinda control how you feel. A healthy balance of feelings is just right for me.
That's so true. I totally believe in that. You reap what you sow
do read the theory of transactional analysis (TA), you will get a lot of answers to your queries and will feel much rejuvenated. also i have an incident to share.
i remember during an office party last year our team started discussing about emotions after getting drunk and the senior manager who earlier was a Navy Officer, gave a piece of advice to everyone to be open and confident about the way they feel. He told openly that there are times he cries when he is alone at home and he misses his family, but it is important he considers this healthy.
I agree with the senior manager! :) Oh, and thanks for advice, but I've already digested TA :)
Thanks for the post. My father was the "show no emotion" type and my mom said to let my emotions out. Bottling up your emotions just makes your emotional outburst that much worse. I'm glad you were able to see that emotions are healthy. If they weren't healthy then I think we wouldn't have ever had them.
Your Mum did you a massive favour then. I'm glad you had such a positive influence in your life :)
ohhh man! What a refreshing post filled with transparency! I love this! :D Followed you :) @raymondspeaks
Thanks! I've followed you too. I get excited when people get excited with my posts haha
I am all about owning my own emotions. I think is very counterproductive to tell someone to stop feeling what they are feeling or that their feelings are "inappropriate" or "wrong". I have a good cry and a good shout every so often and it helps make that happie times happier.
Definitely! Sadly, it's all too common amongst men. We shun our feelings, tell ourselves we're being like a 'woman' but mostly it's our insecure fathers still talking to us.
I hope that my boys all grow up knowing that they can feel however they are feeling without judgement...as a mom of all boys I hope I am doing right by them
It's the most important thing. If you're getting them to own their emotions then you're doing well in my books!!
As long as you found your inner peace, that's all that matter. Thank you for expressing your feelings and a brief synopsis of your childhood. Brace to share it with strangers yet it's relaxing because it feels as if you are releasing the weight off of you. Remain focus on what keeps you balance and strive for constant self improvement. 👍🏾👍🏾
Thanks man :)
No problem. Thank you again for sharing your experiences
You need to be surrounded only by positive people
I agree. That does help!