Listening to Hear

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While enduring the torment of my most recent public humiliation life lesson doled out by the universe, I had ample time to contemplate some ideas that had been swimming in and out of my consciousness recently. One of those ideas was a restaurant that sells variations of creations from the skin of fried chicken. I must admit that not all of the ideas that meander through my head should be considered for any length of time. Another of the ideas was about how we, as a society, have become increasingly guilty of listening to others in order to prepare our response as opposed to listening to others to hear what they have to say.

When I think back to the life-altering conversations I've had in the past, the ones that where the foundations of relationship breakthroughs, each and every one of them involved both parties intently "hearing" what the other had to communicate and then expressing themselves back in an open, honest way without fear of judgement and confident the other party was truly "hearing" them as well.

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Most people familiar with the blueprint for effective communication will attest that the art of communication has a set structure and that following that structure is more likely to result in the desired results being reached. To say that communication is a two-way street is a monumental understatement. Communication is comprised of multiple steps and attributes that would be impossible to cover in just one post. The goal of this particular piece is to impart the information that listening and speaking are integral parts of communication. One party must formulate an idea that they want to transmit to the other party. Then they must effectively communicate that idea through the use of words and body language. Most people consider this to be the pattern for communication, but to ensure that your communicating effectively, it is imperative that the message reaches the other party and that they receive and process the message properly to ensure the idea was not lost in their translation of the idea. One way the transmitting party can confirm this is by asking, "Do you understand my point of view?" and then waiting for their response and clues, verbally and non-verbally, that they have received the message. The party receiving the message can confirm the proper reception by saying,"If I understand you correctly, you are saying.........." and then repeat your understanding of their idea. If both sides are seeing clearly, eureka, we have hit communication gold! If there are still misunderstandings, then the process can begin again.

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This is were listening to hear becomes so crucial. In order for the message to be formed, sent, and received properly, it is of the utmost importance that the person receiving the message engage in active listening and sincerely concentrate on listening to hear the message that is being attempted as opposed to listening to form a response. Far too often, we allow our pride and ego to enter the equation by fighting to make sure what we want to be heard overpowers the courtesy of truly listening to the other party express their ideas and feelings. If you are so bent on making sure you get your say, you are likely missing out on the messages being sent my the other party. At this point, you are in a futile tug-of-war with the other party for message dominance. There can be no resolution to conflict until active listening is being practice by all parties involved. Have the respect and self-assurance to really hear what is being communicated to you. You never know, you may be closer to a resolution than you may think.

Throughout my career, I have been to dozens upon dozens of classes on communication and speaking. I didn't fully understand the practice of the theories until I opened myself up to hearing what my wife was saying about the importance of communication and that messages were transmitted and received properly between people working on an issue. Truly hearing her wisdom on the practical use of the communication theories was a game changing revelation to all areas of my relationships, business, social, and personal. We may not always agree on a subject or path to take, but we very rarely have issues with our relationship because of differing opinions. Communication is the key to successful relationships and listening to hear is pivotal in effective communication. Thanks for reading and keep steeming!

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All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter,
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost
-Tolkien