RE: Hard night but I ain't got no memory of it.
I think what some people are trying to say is that they're afraid for you, lauralemons. You're dealing with a lot of issues/bad experiences/conditions and based on the pic you posted, things aren't going very well. I know that with clinical depression or anxiety, it's not as simple as saying you want a better, safer life for yourself and then working toward that goal. The fact is often we can't control things in our lives when we're ill ~ physically or emotionally. I'm saying this out of admiration for you and a lot of the things you've written here. You need the strength and guts you've shown in the past, to actively accept that you need professional help. Then you need to go get it. If you don't, this could end very badly, and none of us want to see that happen. Good luck. Don't give up. You are an amazing person and can have a more peaceful yet exciting life if you get the help you need. Hugs.
I very much plan to get professional help. It was one of the best factors in moving to a place with expanded medicaid. I have never, ever been under the impression that I can get better entirely on my own, I just couldn't afford help before. I was often times homeless even. But yes, I do need help, professional help, and agree with all that you said. Thank you.
I'm really happy to hear that. I was in a bleak position at one point in my life. Not as bad and complicated as the issues you're facing. But it was scary for me. I was fortunate to get some professional help. It took a while, but even when I was in therapy hashing things out, I relaxed a little because I had hope. It turned things around for me. I'm not sure where I'd be if I hadn't gotten the help.