Day One: Defeated
Do I fear success? That is possible. I've lived most of my life being invisible. Not by choice, most days. I will admit to being a complete outsider. I know nothing about you fine people or what this site can truly offer all of us. Social media has been a complete failure to me. Just as in life, I feel like an outcast in the online world.
I have no formal training, in anything. I feel my writing won't be taken seriously, because I do not have the papers to prove that I can write. I will make so many mistakes. The grammar will give pedants nightmares for years. Sometimes I may even struggle to make sense. It will sound so great in my head. I will transfer it over to this little box...and fail.
My thought process, some of my opinions on things, my own original ideas....many of these will make people feel uneasy at times. I may even anger people. Though my intention is to never hurt feelings, it's impossible to avoid. I do have a great way of stirring shit up and getting people talking. There will be days where I might actually be right about something, and days where I'm wrong. Being an outsider, this means I can't take sides. If I'm speaking about something, I do not mean something else. There are no hidden messages in my words. I'm always in the middle, able to see things from a perspective many on this world don't realize exists.
It will be the first thing that comes to mind. I will never make attempts to polish anything I say. There will not be any particular subject. I will bounce around a lot. Some days it may be about me, other days it might be about a current event. Some days I may seem like a bit of an asshole, other days I might be someone who you've come to know, trust and respect. My goal in life is to be as honest as possible. That is truly the only thing I care about these days. I see the mask society puts on. Behind the paint is a scary place at times. I will go there so you don't have to.
I have both the potential to change the world and go completely unnoticed all at the same time. I've lived my entire life knowing I have much to offer this world. I hope I do not wall up and vanish. I hope I do not give up. I have lived a very strange life. I see a very strange world. I would now like to share.
When I first signed up, I was under the assumption this place was all about writing. I see it's more than that. I also produce a bit of "art". I'm an outsider there as well. I don't have any formal training or influences. Again, it is simply the first thing that comes to mind. I make them all on my laptop. I felt like I was cheating, at first. Someone very close to me at the time said "Damien, is it cheating when someone uses a laptop to write a book?" From there I was at least able to accept the idea that the things I'm making could actually be called art. There may come a day where I actually sell these. Only time will tell.
I suppose that is enough rambling for now. I will leave these words here and something nice to look at....once I figure this out.
Right, so it has been about 20 minutes since I wrote that. I took my time, making paragraphs and all that fun stuff. I then see this "preview" at the bottom. That looks nothing like how I want this to look. Up there I said I would never polish anything. Raw thoughts in writing form was my hope. I google how to add a photo. I'm led to an article about certain expectations that must be met on here. If I do not follow these guidelines, the writer insists nobody will pay attention to anything I do here. That is unfortunate. I must follow rules to share thoughts....so how the hell am I going to pull this off?
Once again in life I must teach myself. It seems everything I know, I've had to learn on my own. Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do not want to be written off as a poor writer, so do I even press the post button to see what happens? I did not realize posting a simple photo file required so many extra steps. I've run out of time tonight to meet any sort of expectations....so I guess this is goodbye. It was fun while it lasted.
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as the saying goes "You are not alone" when you get to my age you wonder what all the fuss is about, I have lasted this long stirring shit up do I care NOPE, do I care what others think yes and no for those who try to troll, that bridge will bury you one day and do I care no. So you better get yer ass back here and write what you feel is important to you.
I'm starting to believe it now. My intention was to sit here and write. So far, that is all I've done. I doubt I'll give up now. Thank you for those encouraging words that day. I'm starting to realize most people won't even get a chance to read my words...but whatever. I wanted a platform to write to the world on, and I got it.