Tales from the dark side of retail

I dislike talking on the phone and working in a bookstore has made me start to view the telephone as an instrument of torture. I think that some people have the philosophy: "have telephone, why not bother others?" They start dialing on impulse, before they have formed a coherent train of thought and once you have picked up, they start waffling and spewing half-formed sentences, leaving you to try and figure out what it is they actually want.

Random picture of the leftovers of a cat victim

For this reason, I prefer to work night shift and on weekends as the phone seldom rings at those times. After 9pm the other night, I had finished cashing up and was on the verge of locking up and going home when the phone rang. Thinking it was my boss, I picked up.

Him: "Hello, I have been looking online and I found your shop and I see that it is next to a coffee shop. Do you think it would be a good venue for a first date?"

Me: "Well I suppose that depends on whether or not she likes reading. Why don't you just ask her to go for coffee?"

Him: "But don't you think that would be an original idea?"

Me: "Well I hope you aren't planning on doing that right now because we are closed and so is the coffee shop"

Him: "No, not now, I'm just planning in advance and trying to think of something that would make an impression".

Me: "How about if you ask her what it is that she would enjoy doing? Bye."

I suppose that's full marks for trying but I think that someone needs to take him aside and teach him that grand gestures often have unintended consequences, especially when you ask everyone else except the object of your intentions...