In absentia

in life •  last year 

I've been mysteriously absent from Steemit for a while. Or perhaps not so mysteriously absent. Maybe no one's noticed. But I'm still around, so time for an update.

I haven't had a lot to talk about, and certainly my attempts to get a regular photo thing or music thing going petered out as soon as it began. The ideas I had for larger posts all sit waiting to be completed. I am a lazy man, but most of all I am a busy man.

At my old job, I suffered from some form of mental health issue that made me usually unable to People on a regular basis. I had to ration my spare time for fear that I wouldn't get enough to myself. I described it to people as if I were an engine, hitched to a tank filled with some mysterious substance that powered it. On Monday, that tank would be full, and drain 20% over the day, and get a slight refill overnight, but not as much as it had lost - maybe 15% of the total lost. Tuesday, I'd lose a little more than Monday, and refill a little less than Monday night.

This would repeat itself, until the last day or two would leave me running on fumes, and I'd need a full weekend to get it all back. This meant it was rare I could go out - certainly, I'd have to weigh up the destination, event, and people, and do all sorts of mental gymnastics to determine if it would drain me more or help me back on track, but even the best of nights or afternoons out with the closest of friends would leave me having to ensure at least one day was spent in solitude. Often, even then, it wasn't enough.

I've recently felt myself falling back into that old trap, but I've realised it's different. I'm not drained because I've run out of power for all the wrong reasons - I don't need to sit at home and do nothing because I need the energy to tolerate the coming week. It's for all the right reasons. I'm mentally exhausted because my day is full, fast, stressful in a good way, and I need to rest. And with this, I've realised that everything is going as intended.

I've enjoyed some upwards traction at my new job. First, inducted into the management training program after only two months, then made a SME/Subject Matter Expert for the new training groups. I was made an Assistant Team Leader after a month of that, then offered an opportunity to apply for Quality Assessor after a month of that. Sadly, I was mislead by my team leader on the nature of the role, so instead of applying for a permanent position with accompanying pay rise, I applied for a lower version, so I kinda missed out a bit.

The role is great, though, if a bit of a limbo situation. I'm basically responsible for listening to people's calls, and grading them according to a framework. It's easy, the days shoot by, the weeks shoot by, and I work with a great team. I might not have the pay rise as yet, but I've got definite benefits - mostly quality of life ones, like being able to start when I like, take longer lunches, get coffees and visit the bathroom without someone from the monitoring team checking their watch for KPIs. As long as I work the hours and get the job done, no one cares what I do.

I am starting to get used to it, though, and the stress levels are plateauing out, which means that I'm at least breaking even on the tank/engine analogy, if not come out positive.

If I had a point to this post, I've long since forgotten what it was.


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You're back and things are better. That's the point I got from this post.
Glad you are in a position where your daily life isn't micromanaged.
My new employment situation isn't so good. But hopefully I will be able to begin to make a few changes at the end of the month.

Glad it's going well for you, mate. Always great to see you at a meetup if there's juice in the tank; totally understand if there isn't.

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