Life Is God Real? Who's to say!

Hello all,
I am new here. just wanted to share this to see if im alone. It is not fact or fiction. Its just my thoughts on life. I'm not a writer and never been good with writing and grammar. Please bear with me.

-I was not raised in church but went from time to time through out my life. Now at 36, well soon to be... I wonder if its real or not. How can something like this exist. Everyday i struggle deep down with the reality of this really existing. I do remember the feeling in church when I first asked Jesus into my heart. Somewhere around 10 years old i can remember crying and feeling as though my body was light and heavy at the same time that strange feeling come over me. Was it God or Jesus? Its been a mind struggle for a while now looking back at that day. 25 years later as an adult i wonder many times ...is this real? Really its up to you to decide for your self. I don't think that anyone can do that for you.

-Coming to the conclusion that if the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of the divine reward then that person is not a good person to begin with. In church and in the bible stories are told that violate every law of the universe. Just my thoughts... This book was written many years ago over a stretch of time to keep people believing that there was something waiting for them, better than what was in front of their eyes. Giving these people some reason to be good. It has carried down the line for a long time and changing every time the book was translated. I honestly believe that after my short time on this earth that life is just what you make it. It can be a heavenly experience or it can be hell. Now saying that i realize that we all start life raised by different people which has a lot of influences in the decisions we make and the life we lead. Its not always our fault in the way we act up to a certain point.

-Eventually you will reach the age at which you know when something is right and when its wrong. No matter what mom and dad said its still wrong....or it could be right. I think that if you are around good people you will be more likely to be a better person and that's why the church community was put together. I really don't believe that the people building these gathering places believe the way i do, i'm sure they don't. It just seems that when a couple of individuals got together many thousands of years ago they had a plan to help people do right. Maybe my beliefs are way off maybe not. I try to do good in my daily life and so far have been had good in my life. There are always bad times as its unavoidable in a lot of circumstances. Pain from a loved one dying, bad decisions from other people and decisions we make is just part of living. I really think if you want to be good you can. Its simple really.

-I look around at the small community i live in, meth has taken over and destroying a lot of people. Young people! Its the decision they choose not the devil. I guess i could go on for days but a lot of people will hate the way i believe and that's fine. I still love you guys. Just don't let my opinion ruin your day. Keep smiling and keep pushing on. Life can be good if you want it to be. i hope everyone can at least take a step back at look at my point of view before commenting sever negativity. Peace and love to all. Enjoy your day!

P.S. I'm not discouraging church. I don't go but i do send my daughter. She enjoys it. I don't make her go she wanted to. She can choose her own path and if that's what she wants then so be it.