The story of my life and coping with death

Hi there, whoever is listening,

I made a pledge to myself to start writing a bit this year with the goal of better understanding and formulating my thoughts.
I will reflect on my life growing up as a German boy in a safe, but broken home and ultimately learning about my deadly disease last year and how I am trying to cope with life, death, love, depression, redemption and the joys of life.

If at some point my little brother comes across this blog:

I am sorry for everything bad I have ever done or said to you and I am pretty sure you know by now how much I love you even tho I never said it to you face to face. I always tried to do my best and I have always just wanted the best for you even if it did not seem this way to you.
At some point in life I became not only your brother, but also mother and father all in one and you have to understand that being overwhelmed by this much responsibility at the age of 17 was really hard for me. I let out my inner monster and sometimes misdirected my temporary hatred towards life at you and I am so sorry for that.
I currently have tears in my eyes.... and you know me :) I am never crying. The last time I cried was when our grandmother died 11 years ago.
I hope I am still here for you when you read this and this stupid disease hasn't gotten to me by now.
If it has: I hope you can forgive me.
I love you!

Since this is the first time I am writing anything personal since I finished school 8 years ago, I apologize to everyone reading that cannot keep up with my unstructured way of writing or my (hopefully not too bad) English grammar. These are things I am hoping to get better at by writing more and more .
Maybe later I will include pictures of me if it is somehow relevant to a story, but for now I do not see a reason for it since it doesn't make any difference and I feel better staying semi-anonymous. There is no doubt that if any of my friends or family come across the stories on this account, they will recognize me.

Some metadata:
27 year old white German male (oh yes, I am another one of those)

So hello :)
Whoever is interested in my stories, thoughts and personal philosophy for whatever reason: Do not hesitate to ask anything.
Hopefully talking about my life can help other people in similar or even completely different situations.
This is my first time putting myself out there on any internet platform...it feels so strange.