Fear is powerful. Love is scary.

  I never used to understand how fear could have so much control over someone, there was nothing I was really afraid of enough until 3 years ago when something happened that changed my life. I broke up with my boyfriend and he got aggressive which wasn’t uncommon for him. Luckily I only got a few bruises but even though they’ve now disappeared the effects are still everlasting. The situation could have been a lot worse and I am not trying to belittle what happened but there are some people out there who have suffered a lot worse than me and I do feel for them. If I feel like this then I can’t even begin to imagine what they went through and may still be going through.  

Some may joke about abusive relationships and some can’t imagine what it is like for that person and don’t understand why they still stay with the person who is hurting them and some don’t think that verbal abuse qualifies as an abusive relationship. It does.  

I am absolutely terrified of being in love again and all the fears that surround it like fear of being loved, fear of loving, fear of love, fear of being hurt emotionally, fear of loving too much, fear of trusting others and I’m sure there are more. Whenever I think of letting someone in I start to cry and I can’t help it. I’m petrified. I don’t know how to get over my fears but hopefully one day when someone does come along they will be understanding and patient with me. I wonder how long I will have these fears, will it be until the good guy comes along or will it be something I’ll live with forever?