Yerharse In Parsley
Last night was a rough night by any standard. Our little boom has a cold and is not sleeping well. Myself and the good lady passed him around like stoners passing a pipe throughout the night. All grunts and hooded eyes.
In no time at all it was morning. We got up and remarkably, despite the lack of sleep, everything started off splendidly. As we sat at breakfast we discussed our plans for the day.
Halfway through the discussion the good lady actually fell asleep. Our little daughter who can seemingly survive on two hours sleep a night woke her up by shaking her and shouting.
Mummy, you're SLEEPING!!!
The good lady snorted like a wild pig in a fig factory and woke up.
We carried on discussing our plans as if nothing had happened. The little lady was adamant about her idea.
I want to put up the Christmas tree today!!
It was a little early but we agreed. She was absolutely desperate.
The day progressed. It didn't take long for the tree to go up but it was still enough time for the little lady to have several meltdowns about almost nothing at all.
The good lady watched on from the sofa, our little boom steadfastly fastened to the boob like a squalling parasite from another dimension.
Eventually, the tree was done. By the end up even the good lady had been dragged into the stormy meltdowns and tantrums and the family atmosphere was tense, to say the least.
Somehow, most of the afternoon had managed to slip by and it was almost dinner time. I asked the good lady what should we do about dinner.
She motioned listlessly to the boob feeder who was by now onto the dregs of her soul. By the looks of it, he would soon need a new host and discard the husk that used to be my woman.
I shuddered and placed a couple of fingers over my nipples in fear of an imminent attack.
To thaw the tense and frosty atmosphere I suggested heading out for a bite to eat.
Off we trotted to the local cafe. The one which does nice food and not the one which serves leather boiled in shit. We looked at the menus that were passed to us. The good lady took the feeder off to the toilets for a quick nappy change.
The little lady demanded soup.
Soup Daddy, I want soup!
Hmm, do you indeed. There are several kinds up on the board. Which one do you want?
I can't read, daddy. Tell me what they are!
I did as I was commanded. The little lady liked the sound of the second soup I mentioned and asked me several times how to pronounce it. I instructed her well.
Shortly after mummy bear returned with the baby who unusually was not boob-glued. She sat down.
Right, are we all ready to order?
I nodded and smiled wide.
The waitress came over. I ordered mine, the good lady then ordered hers. The waitress turned to our enchanting little daughter.
And so little one... What would you like do you know?
I would like soup.
She replied, eyes bright.
Do you know what kind of soup you would like?
Yerharse in Parsley!!
Everything stopped. I am quite sure if a cat shed a hair you could have heard it land.
Pardon?
Said the waitress nervously.
YERHARSE IN PARSLEY!
The little lady yodelled.
It might be worth noting at this point that Your arse in parsley is an old Glasgwegian insult meant to denote that someone is talking rubbish. E.g. Hey, I just found 70 BTC on a hard drive from 1987. To which you would reply - Aye, Yer arse in parsley.
The waitress looked annoyed and confused at seemingly being abused by a four year old.
I tapped her on the elbow.
I think she means lentil.
Oh, Oh right. Ok, be right with you.
The waitress tromped off. I settled back and let a satisfied sigh escape my lips.
The good lady looked at me. She shook her head as she fought back laughter.
Oh Daddy, me and you are going to have words.
It was my turn to snort like a pig in a fig factory as we all Iaughed like a big happy sweary family.
haha. does she read this? :))
Not often ;0)
LOL Love it. Allow me...
Meanwhile, at the Tickle Cove general store, Uncle Cecil with his fiddle was was sitting on some casks of salt beef playing a few jigs while the locals were having a scuff. One onlooker noticed that the lid of the fiddler's barrel had cracked and the brine was seeping up. "Uncle Cecil!"He said. "Do you know your arse is in the pickle?" "No," said Uncle Cecil. "But if you can hum it I'll give it a try."
Oh, I have a wry grin on my face. Lol, that is funny but terrible at the same time!!!
LOL
I like to wait with reading your story until just before bedtime. It is wonderful to laugh at the adventures of your family and go to bed smiling! This was another wonderful story!
Hehe, I always like to hear that one raises a smile. It was great to end the day with since laughs as we were all feeling a bit eeek!!
Oh, the little boom will eventually rebuke the boob, but, not in your lifetime. LOL
Is there anything more gut-wrenching than a baby who wants to be reattached to the boob? I think not.
Oh!!! YERHARSE IN PARSLEY!
I was giggling like a school girl. I am not sure I could keep a straight face.
Awesome. I love your family stories Upped and Steemed
Hehe, I love that you love them!!
When they want reattached it is horrifying. The wails, the agonising heart wrenching wails!!
Been there, done that, bought the teeshirt. Wanted a refund.
I'm cracking up with memories of my mostly-Irish/Heinz 57 father teaching us kids the Korean language. It was a while before my mother stopped smacking us upside the head and went to the source of our potty mouth. LOL
Hehe, sometimes they take a while to click that the source isn't so far away!!
It's funny how some children will pick up on the swearing and repeat while others won't- my daughter never uttered one swear word, not even when she presumedly didn't know what they meant, as if she did in fact inherently know. And to this day, at seventeen, she refuses to say a single one even though at this point it's entirely up to her. My son on the other hand, had to repeat every single one and be told that he couldn't, then at around ten he asked when he would be allowed to, and recently I've heard him talking to his online friends while gaming...and because he's in the privacy of his room I pretended that I did not hear the string of profanities ushering from his lips like 'me boom after being told by el jefe that there's a mandatory Saturday meeting', and so long as he's wise enough to continue sneaking it and not drop it in front of me it will remain as such lol.
Hehe, I can imagine the bombs being dropped in an online gaming session!! It would be a torrid thing to hear.
It is strange, when I was young I didn't swear. I thought it was coarse. I knew what they all were I just didn't use them. I preferred to use imagery to convey shocking things than swear. Then I got to my late teens and realised that if I used my skills and combined them with swearing... Well, suddenly I was the coolest kid in the street lol.
Ah, such simple pleasures!
ROFL again, Mr. Boom. I love the "YERHARSE IN PARSLEY!" I couldn't stop laughing. And the lentil explanation is priceless. I hope the wee lad gets over his cold soon. It is so difficult when they are so small to see them ill.
It is, when they are small its the worst cos they are so helpless and even a blocked nose gooses them badly. Hehe, I was mighty happy when she said it. It made my good lady laugh :OD
I should not be laughing alone here while I am reading your post. Please keep on spreading the happiness. You are inspiring me to start writing funny things that will make people laugh. I don't know when I will start yet.
It's a medicine to the soul.
I hope little boom is alright now.
Thanks.
@seyiodus.
I hope you do start writing them soon. It is easier than you think once you get started. Steemit needs more funny writers!
I will start to try. Maybe tommorow. I will like to use your format but it won't be easy 'cus it's a new thing for me and you are used to it.
It does take a while for me I must admit
Do you sometimes go to the one that serves leather boiled in shit?
Well, I try not to. But sometimes we end up there and every time we think never again!
lol!
chico! you're a such a menace to the doll :P
hahah that's too far from lentils lol
Hehe, it was worth it for the lols!!! :OD