The Thing That Should Not Be

in life •  2 months ago 


I dumped the shopping bags in the hall and dragged my weary but still handsome bahookie into the lounge.

Despite being as rough as a badgers chuff, I had been sent to the shops for various supplies by the Good Lady for some reason I had neglected to listen to.

I had whined and moaned but to no avail.

Still, I was home now.


With a sigh of relief, I headed to my big comfy armchair, ready to lay my weary bones down.

I moved around the table then stopped, dead in my tracks.

A horrified gasp escaped me.


Sitting, almost innocently on the table was a plastic bottle of Zero Sugar Cherry Coke.

I staggered back a pace.

Cherry Coke? Nobody drinks Cherry Coke. As far as I knew people only used it to remove stains from the toilet?

I moved forward and poked at it slightly with a finger, it wobbled... warmly.

I made a puzzled face as if the Badgers had gotten in my bins again.

Then it dawned on me.


I had seen this kind of abomination before. Back, back in the distant past. I had barely escaped with my sanity let alone my life from that encounter.

At the thought of facing that hunting horror, I let out an involuntary squailing noise.

Then it struck me, what about the family? The little ones, had they fallen too the beast's awful clutches?

Not again. No... No...NO?!


I hurried through the lounge, barely taking in any details in my panic and dread at the thought of facing this Cthulian horror once more.

As I passed through the kitchen I could hear slurping wet noises coming from the garden... Was I too late?

Would I stagger from the house to find the monster ravening on the cracked bones of my loved ones!?

I heaved through the kitchen door.


Outside, the air was thick with the monsters vile corruption

It had one of my children, the smallest, on its knee. The Little Boom's cries could almost have been mistaken for laughter they were so shrill.

I unsheathed my blade, the dread Sorrow Song and as the beast's foul stare turned my way, prepared to strike.

Oh hello, we wondered when you would show up?

Said my Mother-in-law with only a vague hint of snark.

Mentally, I sheathed my blade.

Hi Jean. I didn't know you were visiting? Can I get anyone a coffee?

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Lol! I think that will be the new monicker!!

:D :D

Only way the M-I-L can get through the front door is to send you out shopping? Cunning work by the good lady!

It was indeed!! I think she might have mentioned she was coming and that's what I was out to get supplies for but damn, I was a bit rough and it all went over my head!!

Yeah if you were on the ball then a swerve to the pub for some hairy dog might have been the plan!

I would love to body swerve to the pub! Hairy dog is the business!

You met her in a club down in old Soho where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola? :D

Do you really not get on that well with the mother in law? o_O

I giggled at your closing mostly because you know the good lady will be rolling her eyes in exasperation because she probably told you a hundred million times MIL was dropping by and you weren't listening XD

You got it exactly right!! In fact I think I was told repeatedly throughout the week but I kinda choose to ignite the possibility of her visiting!! Hehe. Ah. We don't get on that well. Despite me being white the catch and all. Pfft, mother in law's, what are they like!

OOO NOOOOO - hangover and mother-in-law...... off the topic, do you also vow to never drink again - I have heard it a few times from my husband - I just roll my eyes until the next weekend gathering.

Hehe, I rarely if ever view to not drink again because I have been there so many times!!!

I do think it when landed with the mother in law right enough!!

After ? Years of married life you have finaly found out that as a husband you dont count. M I L has priority, and on top of the headache she had to find some way to smuggle MIL in.
Now she will worm her way into the kids good books with treats, and grumpy old daddy will loose ground.
At least, being younger you have a better grip on the perch and will out live her.

I have high hopes of outliving her. It might be the only advantage I have!

I remember that one about you at the zoo with the FIL. Surely this isn't as rough :)

Cherry coke, that is alright, but no sugar?! The fuel of monsters.

No sugar, I know. The bitter taste of sweeteners abound!!

It was pretty rough, for some reason they heartily disapprove of me or at least seem to!

You are supposed to dislike each other. It is the way of the world. And fortunately it also gives you lots of writing material. :)

Lol. It is the way but man, it makes for some unfortunately awkward moments!!

So my husband is agnostic, but comes from parents that willingly spent a large part of their adult lives in a polygamist cult, and would happily go back if possible. They still need to spread the word of god. So yeah...we all have those awkward inlaw moments.

Hot damn, you win!!

Lol, I would move far away if that were my situation!! husband did. Lol.

Has! Toptastic!!!!

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