Old Dads

Aye, you know. Like us old Dads. I don't mind that.

I snapped out of my daydream and looked at my mate, Daz as if his coat had run off to chase a squirrel.

Old Dad's? What the fuck? How very dare he? I was a prime piece of real estate. Prime beef wrapped up in a deliciously handsome skin.

I tried rewinding the conversation to see what the hell he was talking about.

We had met up as usual in the nearby park for our Monday playdate with the Babies. We had stopped by the cafe at the duck pond and were sitting outside, ruminating on life. Or at least he was, I was attempting not to fall asleep.

I vaguely remembered him waffling about having enjoyed living his life before having kids.

Old Dad's?

I asked tentatively, in case I had gotten the wrong end of the stick. The very same stick he would probably find rammed halfway up his arse if he kept on with this old Dad's nonsense.

He took a sip of his hot chocolate, a drink that when ordered made my sphincter pucker up in disapproval.

Yeah, you know. Like me and you. Old Dad's.

I smiled like a scratchy cat that hides under your bed does when it sees a foot hang down.

Steady on mate, I wouldn't say old. More like... Experienced?

Daz shook his head at my folly and chuckled.

There is nothing wrong with it mate!

He leaned forward conspiratorially.

In fact, there is plenty right with it...

He winked and motioned over to his left.

Subtle as a snake in a pie, I stared directly where he was winking at. There were two attractive girls in their early thirties at a table. They were looking over and smiling at our children, who amazingly were both strapped to our respective chests and asleep.

I focused back on Daz.

He was practically making porridge in his pants as he bobbed from side to side in his chair. He twitched his head to the side and clucked his cheek in that universal sleazy-man way.

The chicks love it.

Love what?

They love seeing us older Dad's, do you not see those two over there? They are totally into us.

I sighed.

Oh Daz, mate. It's quite obvious they think we are a gay couple and that it's cute we have kids.

His face fell as he looked over.

What?! No?

He looked at us both with our trendy baby slings and sleeping babies and then back at the girls who were now taking selfies of themselves whilst surreptitiously trying to get us in the background.

Bollocks, I think you're right. That's shit.

He looked downcast.

I chortled and raised my coffee.

Never mind mate. Here's to old Dad's then, eh!