Killer

in #life6 years ago

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GRAAAAPPP!

I yelled and wrenched the wheel of the car to the side. There was a very slight bump. Oh bollocks. I pulled the car over.

I had been driving down the long road which led to my house. It's a peaceful road. On one side it is lined with small houses and on the other, there is a wall of green from a small wood. I say small wood, it is actually quite a dense little forest, home to foxes and squirrels and stranger creatures which eat my milk in the morning (not a euphemism). We even have some red squirrels there which are quite rare in Scotland.

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Rarer now I suppose, as one had darted out on the road in front of my car and I suspected that despite my last minute swerve it had met a squishy end.

I got out the car and had a look.

Ah, damn. I had got it alright. One of my tyres had what looked to be some cheap sandwich filler smeared into the treads and further back in the road was a pancaked squirrel.

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I felt a pang of regret as I looked at the flattened bit of fur and squish that used to be a little furry life.

I found a twig by the side of the road and poked at my tire to get the worst of the squirrel paste out of the treads just in case the little lady saw it and had a hairy canary fit.

Once done I straightened up. I felt a bit odd as if something had changed.

Everything looked a bit different.

Or was it me looking at everything a little differently?

I realised that was what it was. My soul was stained now. I had taken a life no matter how accidentally.

Nothing would ever be the same.

As I got in the car a part of me marvelled at my muscular killing hands. I started the engine and headed home.

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I got in the house to be met with a bunch of screaming. Was this it? Had they found out I was a killer already? I marched into the living room.

There I saw the little lady running around the living room seemingly pursued by a lethargic looking wasp.

The new me nodded to himself and picked up a newspaper and punched the wasp out of the air with it.

Don't kill it Daddy.

Begged the little lady as I towered over it's stunned body.

I gave her the iron eye and scooped up its twitching body in the newspaper.

Of course I won't lass, I am just going to set it free.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

I walked out the back door and looked at the wasp on the paper. It was starting to get to its feet. I checked the little lady wasn't watching me. The coast was clear.

I pinched the paper and crushed the wasp.

Everything was different now.

I wondered what I should kill next.

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About 10 years ago, I was part owner of a mobile recording studio. So, I'd drive the truck shown below to an event, connect all the audio lines up to the stage and we'd turn up to 96 channels into a stereo mix for radio or television.

One evening, we had to drive about 6 hours to get to an event.

The raccoons had decided that this was a night for sacrifice. They would saunter onto the road. I would see them, I wasn't going to swerve, but I'd center the truck so that the raccoon was right in the middle. All they needed to do was stay down.

I'm pretty sure that 6 out of 6 did not stay down.

My business partner was sleeping in the passenger seat. After hearing the bumps, he opened an eye and asked what that funny noise was.

"It's just Darwin at work."

Definitely Darwin!

That sounds like it was a cool job.

It's funny when they don't try to get out of the way or stay in the middle. Doofus animals!

One of the highlights was broadcasting Etta James during Ottawa Bluesfest in 2006.

http://www.rootsmusic.ca/2012/01/20/thanks-etta/

Oh my, top donk! I love it when someone has it had an interesting career!

Hahahaha! There is no country for trash pandas!

My husband ran over a rabbit felt the bump bump of the tires and it was Easter no less.... he looked at me and replied ..."missed it" .... I looked back at him and said "I don't think so I heard the ba-dump ..ba-dump. Ever since them he became known as the man who killed the Easter Bunny.

upvoted and resteemed

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Lol. You can totally feel it yeah. Not a giant bump but it's still a bump. Imagine killing the Easter bunny, that's terrible hehe!

Oh, no! Meesterboom has the killer instinct! Seriously man. as my hubby used to say "💩 happens!" If an animal runs out in front of the car, there is little you can do. Having lived in the country most of my life, it is inevitable that you will run over an animal at some point. You were lucky it was a squirrel and not something larger like a deer.

I was a bit pissed off with myself that I saved a little. I shouldn't have because as you say - shit happens! It did look a cute little bugger right enough

Your conscience should be clear boom, well, except for the wasp :P

It's likely you've been asked a million times, but what's the effect on your main image used to 'cartoonify' yourself up? Cheers!

I have been asked a few times!

The simple answer is that it's more complicated than it seems!

I use a variety of apps for the cartoon bit but I also remove the background of the initial photo and then use a filter to reduce everything to outlines and then combine various different effects on layers with different layer effects such as multiply and hard light until I get the image just right :0)

Sounds technical, but worth it I think as your post image always stands out with originality, nice!

Lol, cheers man!

Hmm. The origins of Uncle Boom?

And I'm proud of you, Boomy old fellow. You have completed your initiation successfully, you have taken your weapon and struck the beast down.

Welcome to the dark side. We'll have such fun together. And soon the world will be ours! Mwahaha hahaha

Now all we need is some peanut butter...

It wouldn't be complete without peanut butter that's for sure.

Lol, the origins of Uncle Boom, there's a thought!

Damn, poor little squirrel. Look both ways before crossing they say. About a year ago we hit a huge Raccoon on the highway. He came running out of nowhere. There were raccoon guts up under the wheel well that I had to yank out. It was gross. lol

Oh man, I am glad mine wasn't a bigger beast or I would be looking at a lot more paste like that, yuk!!

Wow... That was some squirrel killing... I'm a little bit afraid of you now... :)

Haha, and rightly so (he says in a deep and terrible voice)

It's a slippery slope that murder business. But of course you could always justify it as research for Uncle Boom posts...

Last week I went to one of my brother's shows with mom. We got home late (well late for her) and apparently after she dropped me off she hit three raccoons. Not one, three, all at once. She was so freaked she came back to my house wondering what she should do since they were still wriggling and squeaking (shudder big). I had no idea what to tell her. She drove home by a different route needless to say, and the next day they were gone. I like to think that like cats they have nine lives and managed to heal up and lumber away.

Three!! That's mental, did you ask her if she went off-road and was chasing them down in the woods!! Hehe!

I did ask her that, almost verbatim LOL! She really needs a new eye exam I think!!

Haha, possibly!!!

Hmm... Now, meesterboom had become an animal killer. Fingers crossed that he would not advance to be a serial killer. Upvoted!

I am quite hopeful that I don't advance that way either ;0)

YOU MURDERER!! But, since there was no intent beforehand, I guess it was technically manslaughter.. YOU MANSLAUGHTERER!!

Is this... Is this where Uncle Boom begins and the great Boomdiggity ends? Or, will this be the spark that lights the fire of your little lady's ascent to tyranny? Will the knowledge of you killing that ginger squirrel be the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back? I shudder at the thought!

Hehe, she doesn't know about the squirrel though. I suspect I would be a dead man if that were the case!!

I suspect we would all be dead men walking. Thanks a lot, BRO-phecy. You've doomed us all!!

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