Here, Keto Keto

in life •  2 months ago 


What's this rubbish?

A dark and terrible shadow fell over me. Fearfully, I looked up from the delightful little bowl of chilli and rice I was eating, expecting to see a colossal UFO slotting into place above me like in the movie, Independence Day.

Instead, a rather unhealthy looking baby elephant stood there, an oily sneer on its leathery face.

What are you talking about?

I inquired of my colleague Sick-Line who was indeed, the baby elephant in question.

That shite.

He pointed at my bowl.


I cannae believe you are putting that shite inside yourself?

He shook his head pityingly as if I were a small donkey with a sore eye.

My brow furrowed as I looked down at my splendid bowl of chilli. It was a thing of beauty, I make great chillis. It had five different types of chilli in it.

I decided to approach the matter diplomatically.

What the fuck is wrong with my chilli?

Sick-Line sneered and made a noise like a Priest fingering an old vase in a thrift shop.


It's not the chilli, mate. It's the carbs. Waste of time putting that shite inside you.

He then stepped back and waved a hand at his shirt front which was cruelly stretched over his huge belly as if it had committed a sin in a former incarnation.

See this? Lost three pounds in two weeks. Stick that up your pipe and smoke it.

He made that wiggly hand gesture down his sides that large people make when they think they have the snaky hips of Shakira.

I might have been wrong but in this case, I think his hips were lying.

You are on another one of your mad fad diets then?

I asked.

Mad fad? Cheeky bastard!? No fad here, mate. This. This is KETO!


A few people nearby perked up at hearing the word Keto. They looked excited. I wondered why.


I pursed my lips and made a flarpy parpy noise as if playing a lady's beef kazoo.

Sick-Line grimaced at the farting noises coming from my face.

Aye, Keto. That's what it's all about.

I looked at his wide girth with a little less admiration as others were in the office nearby.

So. Keto, you say?


He said proudly, slapping one of his elephantine thighs.

Is that where you dress up in a Cat costume and masturbate?


Sick-Line stepped back, his face a picture of disgust as if he had only ever masturbated once but stopped when the sticky stuff came out.

What?! No. No fucking way, man. Keto is a diet!!

He went on to explain at great lengths the lack of carbs in his diet and how he arranged the green things on his plate.

Everyone was listening avidly.

After some minutes he was still rambling on. Enough was enough.

I don't quite get it though?

I interrupted.

Ha, what do you not get?

Sick-Line made a frog of his mouth and made it jump all over his face condescendingly.


I started.

Go on?

Sick-Line shook his head and pointed at me with a thumb as if I were a bus he was hoping to catch.

I just dont get at what point you dress up as a Cat and masturbate?

I said innocently.

Sick-Line went red in the face.

You are thinking of Cos-play.

He said loftily.

Now it was my turn to make a face as if drinking his Mother's side-boob milk.

Ewww, are you into that as well? You are a dirty bastard.

Sick-Line made to speak, then stopped.

Fuck off.

He sputtered, stomping off heavily.

I smiled and leaned back in my chair with my hands behind my head. Another successful day at the office.

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

I just read a book with a baby elephant in it, and saw a meme with a baby elephant in it. I was convinced that your was also going to be about baby elephants.


But I still laughed.

Those cat dressing masturbators...

Posted via

Those crazy cat dressing masturbators!! LOL!

Hehe, there must be good fortune heading your way because that makes three times the baby elephant!

Good fortune! I didn’t know it meant that. Thanks for the info :)

Posted using Partiko iOS

He made that wiggly hand gesture down his sides that large people make when they think they have the snaky hips of Shakira.

I've seen that gesturing in the past by the large ones...Why did you ever have to re-paint that image for me in my mind...!?!?!?! Regurgitation is not something I find comfort in Meesterboom… I'm off for some Tums,

Hehe, tums since everything. I have seen that gesture more things than I care to remember!!

@meesterboom So it's nice to work in an office, you can never get bored in a place like that with those characters. Apparently the diet ¨Sick-Line¨ is not working.
I wish you a good night dear friend

Ah, I wish I could never get bored!!

haha! You have to be the most popular person in your office! So charming!

Charming is one word for it ;0D

Not the one that your colleagues would choose though! lol.

Stone of then would but others definitely not!!

Talk about names, the names you use are just ones for the posts right? I mean people don't really call that one guy "Sick-Line" do they?

I make up a lot of them so that I don't have to use their real names but that guy is actually called sick line behind his back because he is never at work!!

oh! lol..very good nickname then. You didn't have to be creative on that one!

Hehe, I know, it was a relief not to be. I'm running out of names!

I think Sick-Line needs to stop yoyo dieting it's not healthy XD

The chilli and rice bowl sounded pretty good to me.

My Chilli is a sumptuous thing!! Yeah, the so called diets aren't actually achieving anything!!

Hahahaha love your comebacks - Jeez I hate it if people loose weight and now they take it upon themselves to save everybody..... good on you you lost weight, now run along, I have not and not planning to. People are soooooooooooo tiring. I rather prefer a cat in a costume hahaha

Lol, the worst thing is I am seriously doubting if he ever loses any proper weight or just loses a wee bit of water at the start! He is alwatys on a diet and never changes!

O I know the type - I have stopped trying a long time ago. no expectations, no failure and just enjoying food along the way.

Enjoying life!! It's much better than being miserable

  ·  2 months ago (edited)

How to get people back with both feet on the ground.
Awesome story. Just entered in my top ten favorites. lmao.

Hehe they do say I'm a morale builder ;0D

Hahaha. At least you're sure now he won't be sitting next to you at the next Staff outing ...

He does avoid me at these events until he is drink right enough!! Thank funk!

i missed some quality posts! you have no idea how many ppl are keto :)

Hehe, I know a lot of people are!!

I've done keto in the past, both ketos xD

Keto is such a bad diet imho... carbs aren't good but no carbs is bad too! Gym people with fad diets end up in the hospital sucking away at tax payer's money.

Fads never work out but the daf followers never realise!

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.

You got a 32.78% upvote from @ocdb courtesy of @meesterboom! :)

@ocdb is a non-profit bidbot for whitelisted Steemians, current min bid is 1.5 SBD and max bid is 10 SBD and the equivalent amount in STEEM.
Check our website for the whitelist, queue and delegation info. Join our Discord channel for more information.

If you like what @ocd does, consider voting for ocd-witness through SteemConnect or on the Steemit Witnesses page. :)

  ·  2 months ago Reveal Comment


Lol thanks for the comment 😁