Flower Water

18 Days before the dawning of the new son. We went to the hospital for the final scan. Upon arrival, we met The Doula and all trooped in together. The waiting room was busy. The good lady and The Doula discussed tactics like it was a wrestling match against a particularly devious foe.

As is my wont, I listened and nodded my head at random times and made my patented reassuring noises.

It was going well.

The doula began to talk about Flower remedies and my ears perked up at this. She discussed how these distillations from flowers could help with a lot of the symptoms the good lady was suffering as a side effect of carrying a child the size of a large dog in her tummy.

I couldn't help it. Flower remedies? I asked how they worked.

Flower remedies are a very old medicine. Flowers and the distillation of them can help with 38 different maladies.

The Doula said this earnestly whilst fixing me with her big honest eyes in her big honest face.

Is it like, just flowers in water?

Oh no, the flowers and water solution is exposed to sunlight to accelerate the energy transfer from the flowers.

The Doula said this earnestly whilst fixing me with her big staring eyes in her big staring face.

I snorted like a horse that's stood on a cactus but so as not to appear rude quickly pretended I had sneezed.

So, it's flowers in water exposed to sunlight?

Oh yes.

The Doula breathed in deeply and closed her eyes.

The solution is then mixed with brandy to make the Mother Tincture

What the fuck? For real? I looked around me, everyone was acting normally and there was no sign of hidden cameras. I dug out my dormant skill of diplomacy.

What a load of pish!
_{note - pish is Glasgow talk for piss, as in urine. It is often used like "bullshit" as in - No way, you're talking pish!}

The Doula opened her eyes with a start. She fixed me with a hurt look from her big hurt face. Then she recovered her serene calm.

I guess it's all about belief and a willingness to try alternative medicine.

She smiled endearingly.

I narrowed my eyes.

She smiled even more endearingly.

I looked at the good lady. Who was looking on in amusement.

No, that's pure pish.

The Doula nodded her head wisely. She could obviously tell when bested but she was a fighter and wasn't done yet. She turned to my good lady. Gently, with her big reassuring face, she spoke.

It's not for everyone that is true. However, you are more than welcome to try it. Shall I get some for you?

The good lady smiled manically like the hormone-laden loon she has become.

No thank you, it does sound a bit like pish.

Mentally I leapt up and high fived the missus. That's my girl!