Explaining The Crap Wifi in Wholefoods at Lunchtime To a 3 Year Old

In pictures, lots and lots of pictures!

So you are in Wholefoods just before midday, your daughter who is 3 seems to find it offensive to sit and play with her toys/books whilst you drink your coffee and contemplate your lack of sleep among other worldly things and starts demanding you leave/chase her around the store/pretend to be a dinosaur. Sigh, thinking it will buy you some precious time to finish your coffee, which to be frank is likely your only chance of making it through the day you pull the tablet out of the bag. "Just one show ok?" you tell her as you pass it over. That should do it. Bang, 12 precious minutes gained!

Yay!!

As you start to relax you notice the cafe area starting to busy up with the lunchtime crowd. Ahhh but who cares, a bit of atmosphere is nice.

Until

"Daddy, its loading," my daughter says impatiently.
I look and of course, there on the screen is the buffering circle of doom. I look up and around and notice laptops and smart phones everywhere. Everyone leaping onto that groaning creaky old wifi network. I look back at the tablet, nope, no dice. Connection error I see others too tapping away in frustration. Its no use. The wifi in here is patchy at the best of times so when twenty people gang onto it it has no chance.

So I know that, but my daughter is getting more and more upset. "Its ok darling," I reassure her, we will go home and get lots of the wifis there.

She is a curious sort. Which is a splendid thing and was keen to know exactly why the tablet couldn't stream her favourite show in more detail.

I was having some trouble explaining. So decided to show her in pictures. It was bound to work.. wasn't it?

Thats you I exclaimed, in wholefoods!

and look, this is the wifi!

Going well so far. So I explained that she was getting all the wifi when no one was there

Then I had to explain the signal was strong, she wasn't sure what I meant. I asked her advice. What would strong look like to you? "A big GIRAFFE" she cried - so the giraffe became the wifi strength

Fair enough, "oh oh" I said, "look, its starting to get busy"

And busier...

And busier still..

And busier still!! Until....

Look darling, there are cats, pirates, skeletons and you name it all on the wifi now. So what do you think happened to our giraffe that showed the wifi strength?

"Awww, she cried, "He is only tiny now"

"Yes," I said. "And when the tiny giraffe of wifi power is not strong then you don't get a good signal and cannot watch your favourite show

She understood.

And Daddy learned to never take her anywhere where the giraffe of wifi power was rubbish ever again.

The end.