Arise

in life •  19 days ago

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I sauntered up to El Jefe's desk in answer to a curt email summons. He motioned me to sit and wheeled around to face me.

Right, BoomDawg. You have been pestering me about your rise for taking on some line management duties?

He gnarled his face as if I was his wife telling him I had turned vegan.

That is quite and utterly correct, El Capitan. Well done.

I stated with a gracious wave of my hand.

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He frowned, his large belly straining at his shirt as if it wanted to break free and eat me.

We don't just throw money at everything you know.

He uttered pompously as if I were a chimney sweep asking for my weekly fee.

Oh yes, I am deeply... deeply aware of this.

I nodded with a knowing wink.

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He waved a hand about in the general direction of the office and harrumphed loudly.

So, let's talk turkey. What can we offer you that isn't necessarily monetary in nature? Surely you are aware of our total employee benefits programme?

I winked again.

Oh yes. I am aware of this.

He gave me a flat stare, I don't think he liked the winking. Perhaps he was worried I was going to take him to wife?

Then surely you will understand that the company is looking to cut costs? We are all one team after all.

One team... Yes, I like that.

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I smiled and then the devil in me made me wink again.

He floundered a little before continuing.

In the spirit of us being one team but also to recognise the responsibility you have been given I have managed to negotiate with HR a 1.6% pay uplift for you in light of your recent upgrade in responsibilities.

He finished with a large grin that I was tempted to sharpen pencils with.

Hmm...

I looked past him over his shoulder and steepled the fingers of my right hand under my chin.

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He smiled even wider.

In the current climate, uncertainty over Brexit and the like, I am sure you will agree this is quite generous.

I nodded slowly.

Generous... Yes... Yes indeed...

He leaned forward.

Shall I advise HR to proceed?

His belly wobbled in anticipation of bending me over and inserting his small rise into me.

Once again I looked past him before snapping my attention back to him.

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Well, this is splendid. Splendid indeed. However, I think I will just settle for the full 6 percent that HR have offered. If that's alright with you?

He spluttered in indignation.

6!? 6 percent!? We can't offer that? No. No that won't be possible.

I made a clicking noise with my tongue.

Well the email from HR on your screen behind you says that you can?

He looked stricken as if I had fed his dieting pony sugarlumps.

What? What?

He flipped around and quickly switched windows away from his email.

Erm, that email is something else entirely. No no, we definitely can't offer that.

I stood up.

It's that or nothing, I'm afraid. Must dash, I have real work to do...

I gave him a final wink before leaving.

I look forward to the formal offer!

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Oh synchronicity, we are in the middle of negotiating an increase in wages too, should we compromise or stick to our guns, that is the question!

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I think an initial refusal followed by a hurried acceptance of whatever pish they offer is in order! :OD

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You know what's crazy? ME TOO!! :O

Who would've thunk the BOOMITAU crew would be in negotiations all at the same time!? Alas, I folded and went with the C word :( I hope my brethren fare/d better!

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They're still deliberating on ours- it could be a few weeks before we find out :(

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I'm not quite sure which one's worse: the torture of waiting or the agonizing realization of a swift decision. Since mine was the latter, I'm voting for it haha! I hope yours turn out in your favor, will-o-the-SISp!

Loool Boom you should be banned from steemit before I die of laughter

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That makes me happy! The dying of laughter bit not the banned from steemit bit!!

You have been pestering me about your rise?

I really think that one's a typo. Of course, it would explain the title.

He gnarled his face as if I was his wife telling him I had turned vegan.

Hmm. hummus, anyone?

I think I got to see that wink gif early.

Screen Shot 2018-10-03 at 11.57.16 PM.png

Unless it's an old one?

Oh yeah, and I loved that Must dash, I have real work to do...

Brilliant. Please tell me you actually said that.

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No typo, that's just the way we speak!

You did see it really, you were the first!

And the real work - yes indeed I did. I say it quite a lot in work these days since my job has decided into an endless parade of meetings!

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Good morning. Errr... Good night for me. Not really sure why I'm up atm, it's way too late (I'm 5 hours behind you. Figure it out.)

See you Talk to you tomorrow.

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That is late! Or early, dependant on where we are. The collective we of course, not the urine kind.

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You’re a funny cunt! (That’s how we speak in Ireland) no typo . 😂😂😂. I’m the same as you . My Irishisms are way worse!

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Haha, we say that here, there are a lot of similarities in the talking between Ireland and Scotland!!

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Yeah mostly bastard, fuck and shit! 😂😂

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Aye thems the ones!! Lol. CUNTO is quite popular here for your mates :0D

@meesterboom well done dear friend, you have made an exceptional game, did not show sucarta until the last moment. Your boss is like everyone I've met, always pulling a negotiation under. If you hold firm you will get that 6% success
I wish you a happy rest dear friend

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I am going to hold as firm at I can. Hopefully for a bit longer!

Good on you - these damn bosses, they want everything for nothing - and then if they pay you or give you a raise (far less than what you deserve) they act as though they are doing you a favor..... the fact that you work your ass off is besides the point. DO NOT get me started about selfish bosses.....

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It's a subject that can be waxed lyrical on for quite some time from me as well!!

You miserable bugger, here was HQ giving El Jefe a 6% increase into his department's expenses, your advancement being the cause, and you want to get some of that for your self?
A good team man would have said " I don't need a payrise for the extra work looking after underlings, in fact seeing I do less productive work, you had better cut my pay.
El Jefe, would of course agree, and pocket the 6% as well as your voluntary deduction.

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Now I feel bad at his lack of pockling!

I should really summon up the correct team spirit from somewhere!

Damn, El Jefe! Just when I thought you were at the bottom, you sunk to a new low! Dig some more and you'll be Hell Jefe? From 6 to 1.6? For shame! He could've at least started near the middle and negotiated up. I get the need for pennypinching, but that's what the younger fellows are for, cannon fodder for the cost cutting.

Nobody puts Boomy in the corner.

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I think starting in the middle would have been a good plan too! I wonder if he will aim for it now?

The waiting is killing me!

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There still isn't a resolution? I hope I had the same kind of wait with mine! In my mind, the decision for my own negotiation came fast and hard. Never a good thing. At least, that's what she said.

wink

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indeed!

That's the way it comes! Well, not at my place, is snail like here! Still waiting!

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The tortoise did win against the hare, didn't it? Too bad it was soup before the hare became part of a stew.

El Jefe definitely likes to pocket some of the money for himself. How he be so selfish? Think of all meesterboom had done for him in the workforce. Don't give in to him, man!!! Upvoted!

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I won't give in. I will never surrender!! :OD

Tell me that's exactly how it went down, because that's entirely too satisfying XD

(and if it's not don't tell me and let me live in the happy delusion XD)

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It is utterly and genuinely how it went down!! Maybe slightly less winking :0D

Well played, Boom! Honestly, I expect to see a higher offer on the table any day now, how can they resist the truth?

Was he really trying to scam you the rest?? OMG

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He was indeed and to date I haven't had any further offer!

What a prime tosser as if you don't deserve it. It's not even his at least give you 5% and then he has done well on both sides. hate that when they think they can play God. One team,take one for the team. I like your choice of words and you weren't being team player as if they can make you feel guilty for something you deserve.

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It's all about the guilt with these people. I was actually rather pissed off that he would stoop so low. It's not at if they get a bonus for saving money!!

Ha ha...you can always use the blackmail technique. A three day work week, includes a 4 day weekend ;)

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Oh man, the days, that would be amazing but would totally be taking the biscuit, lol!

haha! sir meesterboom! is your boss the world's cheapest penny pinching miser or what? Ha! a 1.6% raise..that's an insult for a man of your talent!

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Oh, I have had far worst insults when it comes to rises!!!! Lol

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sir meesterboom! really! wow what a bunch of cheap bastards ya'll have over there! lol.

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You're telling me, its outrageous!

Touche, Boom! Nicely played. He'll come back with 4% and you can counter with 4.5% which is almost the difference between what he offered and what HR wanted to give you...Next time he will learn to close that email program quicker. LOL

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You know I have that same figure stuck in my head. I am certain it will be 4!. Of course I will look undecided and ask for a little more and hopefully get that extra half percent! Then again I am of the mind to just say no! Hardball!

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Playing hardball requires a good amount of security and fortitude. I hope that you get what you are after!

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So do I. I might compromise on half a hardball ;O)

last time I winked at some one I got a smack in the face for it, I really hope you get the full 6% payrise @meesterboom.
the guy sounds like a right tool in all fairness, all he will be doing is offering you the rock bottom so he can have a bigger bonus when it comes to xmas.
I also think that you should do secret santa this year and get him a treadmill for that belly of his hahaha

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It's all in the way you wink. I try to keep my tongue in my mouth whilst doing it. Perhaps I look as if I am having a seizure so they lay off the smackery!

It has gone suspiciously quiet. There are no doubt shenanigans afoot. But you know what they say, aim high!

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thats right buddy, as high as the clouds haha.

I will try keeping my tongue in my mouth next time, do you think I should be wearing pants too? :D

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It's funny you say that, the pants make all the difference! :oD

That's tellin him... Stand your ground Brother- victory never goes to the faint of heart!

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I must be guaranteed an offer of at least 4 now, lol!

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If they don't give it to you, just tell him I know where he lives!!!

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In that case I might get more!! ;0)

Well the email from HR on your screen behind you says that you can?

Loool it is usually the thieves that implicate themselves before anyone suspects. I bet he wishes he closed his mail now...lol

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I think he thought that his screen was locked or something but for some reason it just stayed item!! All the better for me :0)

Such a sad git for even trying that. Isn't corporate life wonderful?

I would have offered you a motivation course to work harder for the same money.

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That at least would have been an offer of something!

And yes, I do hate it when they go out of their way to act as if it is their own money

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