Arise
I sauntered up to El Jefe's desk in answer to a curt email summons. He motioned me to sit and wheeled around to face me.
Right, BoomDawg. You have been pestering me about your rise for taking on some line management duties?
He gnarled his face as if I was his wife telling him I had turned vegan.
That is quite and utterly correct, El Capitan. Well done.
I stated with a gracious wave of my hand.
He frowned, his large belly straining at his shirt as if it wanted to break free and eat me.
We don't just throw money at everything you know.
He uttered pompously as if I were a chimney sweep asking for my weekly fee.
Oh yes, I am deeply... deeply aware of this.
I nodded with a knowing wink.
He waved a hand about in the general direction of the office and harrumphed loudly.
So, let's talk turkey. What can we offer you that isn't necessarily monetary in nature? Surely you are aware of our total employee benefits programme?
I winked again.
Oh yes. I am aware of this.
He gave me a flat stare, I don't think he liked the winking. Perhaps he was worried I was going to take him to wife?
Then surely you will understand that the company is looking to cut costs? We are all one team after all.
One team... Yes, I like that.
I smiled and then the devil in me made me wink again.
He floundered a little before continuing.
In the spirit of us being one team but also to recognise the responsibility you have been given I have managed to negotiate with HR a 1.6% pay uplift for you in light of your recent upgrade in responsibilities.
He finished with a large grin that I was tempted to sharpen pencils with.
Hmm...
I looked past him over his shoulder and steepled the fingers of my right hand under my chin.
He smiled even wider.
In the current climate, uncertainty over Brexit and the like, I am sure you will agree this is quite generous.
I nodded slowly.
Generous... Yes... Yes indeed...
He leaned forward.
Shall I advise HR to proceed?
His belly wobbled in anticipation of bending me over and inserting his small rise into me.
Once again I looked past him before snapping my attention back to him.
Well, this is splendid. Splendid indeed. However, I think I will just settle for the full 6 percent that HR have offered. If that's alright with you?
He spluttered in indignation.
6!? 6 percent!? We can't offer that? No. No that won't be possible.
I made a clicking noise with my tongue.
Well the email from HR on your screen behind you says that you can?
He looked stricken as if I had fed his dieting pony sugarlumps.
What? What?
He flipped around and quickly switched windows away from his email.
Erm, that email is something else entirely. No no, we definitely can't offer that.
I stood up.
It's that or nothing, I'm afraid. Must dash, I have real work to do...
I gave him a final wink before leaving.
I look forward to the formal offer!
Oh synchronicity, we are in the middle of negotiating an increase in wages too, should we compromise or stick to our guns, that is the question!
You know what's crazy? ME TOO!! :O
Who would've thunk the BOOMITAU crew would be in negotiations all at the same time!? Alas, I folded and went with the C word :( I hope my brethren fare/d better!
They're still deliberating on ours- it could be a few weeks before we find out :(
I'm not quite sure which one's worse: the torture of waiting or the agonizing realization of a swift decision. Since mine was the latter, I'm voting for it haha! I hope yours turn out in your favor, will-o-the-SISp!
I think an initial refusal followed by a hurried acceptance of whatever pish they offer is in order! :OD
I really think that one's a typo. Of course, it would explain the title.
Hmm. hummus, anyone?
I think I got to see that wink gif early.
Unless it's an old one?
Oh yeah, and I loved that Must dash, I have real work to do...
Brilliant. Please tell me you actually said that.
No typo, that's just the way we speak!
You did see it really, you were the first!
And the real work - yes indeed I did. I say it quite a lot in work these days since my job has decided into an endless parade of meetings!
Good morning. Errr... Good night for me. Not really sure why I'm up atm, it's way too late (I'm 5 hours behind you. Figure it out.)
See youTalk to you tomorrow.That is late! Or early, dependant on where we are. The collective we of course, not the urine kind.
You’re a funny cunt! (That’s how we speak in Ireland) no typo . 😂😂😂. I’m the same as you . My Irishisms are way worse!
Haha, we say that here, there are a lot of similarities in the talking between Ireland and Scotland!!
Yeah mostly bastard, fuck and shit! 😂😂
Aye thems the ones!! Lol. CUNTO is quite popular here for your mates :0D
Loool Boom you should be banned from steemit before I die of laughter
That makes me happy! The dying of laughter bit not the banned from steemit bit!!
@meesterboom well done dear friend, you have made an exceptional game, did not show sucarta until the last moment. Your boss is like everyone I've met, always pulling a negotiation under. If you hold firm you will get that 6% success
I wish you a happy rest dear friend
I am going to hold as firm at I can. Hopefully for a bit longer!
Well played, Boom! Honestly, I expect to see a higher offer on the table any day now, how can they resist the truth?
Was he really trying to scam you the rest?? OMG
He was indeed and to date I haven't had any further offer!
Damn, El Jefe! Just when I thought you were at the bottom, you sunk to a new low! Dig some more and you'll be Hell Jefe? From 6 to 1.6? For shame! He could've at least started near the middle and negotiated up. I get the need for pennypinching, but that's what the younger fellows are for, cannon fodder for the cost cutting.
Nobody puts Boomy in the corner.
I think starting in the middle would have been a good plan too! I wonder if he will aim for it now?
The waiting is killing me!
There still isn't a resolution? I hope I had the same kind of wait with mine! In my mind, the decision for my own negotiation came fast and hard. Never a good thing. At least, that's what she said.
wink
indeed!
That's the way it comes! Well, not at my place, is snail like here! Still waiting!
The tortoise did win against the hare, didn't it? Too bad it was soup before the hare became part of a stew.
Tell me that's exactly how it went down, because that's entirely too satisfying XD
(and if it's not don't tell me and let me live in the happy delusion XD)
It is utterly and genuinely how it went down!! Maybe slightly less winking :0D
El Jefe definitely likes to pocket some of the money for himself. How he be so selfish? Think of all meesterboom had done for him in the workforce. Don't give in to him, man!!! Upvoted!
I won't give in. I will never surrender!! :OD
You miserable bugger, here was HQ giving El Jefe a 6% increase into his department's expenses, your advancement being the cause, and you want to get some of that for your self?
A good team man would have said " I don't need a payrise for the extra work looking after underlings, in fact seeing I do less productive work, you had better cut my pay.
El Jefe, would of course agree, and pocket the 6% as well as your voluntary deduction.
Now I feel bad at his lack of pockling!
I should really summon up the correct team spirit from somewhere!
Good on you - these damn bosses, they want everything for nothing - and then if they pay you or give you a raise (far less than what you deserve) they act as though they are doing you a favor..... the fact that you work your ass off is besides the point. DO NOT get me started about selfish bosses.....
It's a subject that can be waxed lyrical on for quite some time from me as well!!