How mistakes help you find yourself.

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How mistakes help you find yourself.

We strive to win always and everywhere, perceiving wrong decisions and failures as something bad. But it is the mistakes that can tell us what we really want and what we should strive for in order to come to harmony with ourselves.

Repentance. Regret. Annoyance. Angry at myself. Guilt. The fate of the one who made the mistake is unenviable! Well, if it's a small mistake, like the one that tells 42-year-old Olga: "I Bought a sundress in the transition and found that the hem of the curve. Throw a pity, alter expensive. How many times I promised not to buy in the transitions! But I really liked the color".

But errors are much more serious! And then the inner voice long reproaches us. 

"Our regrets are caused by the understanding that we could do better than we did in reality. But they show that there was a choice."

If events did not depend on us, we will be sad, perhaps even sad, but not repent. However, sometimes we ascribe to ourselves the possibility of choice where in fact it was not. 

"To accept that we do not control everything is sometimes so difficult that it is preferable to experience guilt." 

Otherwise, we have to admit that there are things that we have no influence on, and this infringes on our "I".

"Error leads to suffering from the experience of one's imperfection. To the misery of not being who we want to be. And what we want to be is not only and not so much personal expectations as the demands of the modern collective myth."

The obsession with success

Prosperity, health, wealth, happiness — these are the tags of today's ideology, within which we live and interpret our existence. And the mistake seems to tell us:" you're a loser", and then the society, the doors of which hangs a sign" only for the prosperous", the entrance is closed.

Mistakes remind us of our imperfection, to accept them is to become ourselves, not better than we really are

"In today's world there is no myth of failure, there is only a myth of extensive development, achievements, success, overcoming difficulties. But success is an overestimated pole of life. He will always be balanced by others. The ability to fail is suppressed by us and remains in the Shadows."

According to Jung, the Shadow is an unconscious part of the personality, which consists of everything that we reject in ourselves, we consider incompatible with our idea of ourselves. However, the personality strives for integrity, and this is impossible without the connection of all parts. Therefore rejected sooner or later will make itself felt.

The 34-year-old Andrew has created a business selling cars: "I believed that the success of me brought a few right decisions. But one day I had to fly to the conclusion of a major contract, and I missed the plane, confusing time. The contract broke." First, Andrew got very angry considering themselves to be an impeccable organizer, made the mistake of inadvertently! But later came the realization that the development of the company took him more and more time, depriving communication with the family.

Inability to accept yourself

Almost all myths about the creation of man contain stories about the mistakes of the Creator and Creation. Various legends-Sumerian, Greek, Chinese, biblical — tell of the flood, which is designed to destroy imperfect humanity. It turns out that its Creator or creators failed to plan?

A single blunder — the reason to fix it, re — reason to wonder if we're doing what we need actually

"The ability to make mistakes is contained in the nature of the gods who created men, then what can we say about us! But agreeing that we are able to do wrong, we have to do and the next step is to understand what is before us is a psychological problem. Failure to be aware of this task leads to a sense of guilt."

This happened with 25-year-old Maria: after graduating from the Institute, she went to the wrong company, which she strongly recommended by her parents. "I found a job myself and was proud of it. But did not catch on in the team. I had to quit and accept my parents ' offer. I felt safe, but soon the difficulties arose there." In addition to the consciousness of lack of competence, Maria experienced burning guilt: "I failed my parents!"It became easier, when she realized, that its unconscious resisted the, to she further remained in child role, in dependence from parents.

 Here and now

A single mistake is a reason to fix it, a second one is a reason to think whether we are doing what we really need to do. What about the long-term burden of guilt?

"We hear from others and say to ourselves,' you never wash the dishes ' or 'you never pay attention to me'. But the past is not correct: it is impossible today to wash the dishes, which was not washed 5 or 20 years ago. Give up generalizations and ask: how can I do the best here and now?»

Error - the voice of the unconscious, a signal calling to pay attention to what escapes from consciousness.

Guilt keeps us in the past, and regret allows us to mourn failures and move into the future. By changing our habits, looking at ourselves and even our values in life, we open ourselves up to other choices.

"For further development, it is extremely important to treat errors as something that makes sense. This is unusual, because we are taught to avoid mistakes, not to reflect on them. It should be assumed that there is a sense in the erroneous action: it is not obvious to the "I" experiencing the error, but it is important for the psyche as a whole. Error is the voice of the unconscious, a signal calling to pay attention to what escapes from consciousness."

Noticing the mistakes made by us in spite of conscious intentions, we come to the conclusion that there is an interlocutor inside us, who is intangible, but real. As a rule, this interlocutor knows about our nature and purpose more than us, his "speech" is actions, consequences of decisions and events in which we find ourselves.