in life •  10 months ago


(I will owe twice the amounted stated in the photo due to all my adjournments -- around 11K)


I have been putting-off and dreading writing this post… And before I go any further, I'd like to apologize if this post offends, insults or upsets anyone -- that is not my intention, at all. And I am aware there are people in much worse situations than myself.., but I also understand these things are all relative to ones own situation.

Like the title of this post states.., I am being evicted from the apartment I’ve lived in and called home for the past 16 years, for falling behind 8 months on my rent. I know it sounds irresponsible to not pay rent for so long.., but it is amazing how quickly things can change in your life, when few bad breaks line-up one after the other, without even giving you a chance to breathe... I’m not making any excuses.., but I do feel like a description of how this all transpired is in order...

First off, if you would have said to me 2-3 years ago, that I would be in this position, I would have thought you were crazy! You see, I’ve always been the responsible one, the one people came to when they needed a hand, because they knew they could.., and if I was in a position to help them out, I never hesitated.

It all started a few years ago, around 3 years ago with a little bank fraud / identity theft, that wiped out my savings, around 19K, then a health issue (acute pancreatitis) with no health insurance, that cost me another 5K.., and just like that I had nothing to fall back on — my cushion, that I always had in case of a situation, like I find myself in right now -- was gone. Now I find myself in the very real situation of being homeless, on the streets of NYC… And to be completely honest, I am not prepared to be homeless (I just can't do it). If I can't come up with the money I owe and do get evicted, when they come to throw me out, they will find my lifeless body in the bathtub -- I do not say that lightly, trust me. I am not someone who has ever thought of taking his own life -- ever!. Im not clinically depressed, on any medication, drugs or anything like that.., it is strictly financial.

For those of you that don’t know, I am a. bartender, have been for over 25 years — and I’m a damn good one... I’ve also made pretty good money slinging drinks.., but these last few years, after having to leave a bar job because of that pancreas thing, I have had the last 4 -5 bars / restaurants I was working at all close down, usually with no warning and of course screwing the staff out of a few weeks pay — a very typical procedure for bar / restaurant owners in NYC...

Well, with each job (bar/restaurant) closure I fell further and further behind.., and with all my savings being gone already, I had nothing to hold me over between gigs.., and before you knew it, I was way behind in rent, not eating regularly.., and now I’m being evicted.

It’s like a bad joke.., and to make it worse, the last two restaurants I was hired at, couldn’t get full liquor licenses — only beer and wine, which led them both to not hire any “actual” bartenders, what for - anybody can pour beer and wine.., so I am now unemployed waiting and looking for my next bar gig, which shouldn’t be more than a few weeks... And in the meantime, I have been living off the tiny amount of money I am making on my posts, that’s basically been what I’ve been living off of for two years, that and a few weeks of bartending money, here and there — before the place would close down.

Along the way, I kept my landlord as well informed as possible about my financial situation… I mean, I have been living here since 2002, paying my rent on time every month.., and if I did fall behind, I would just pay 2 months at a time to catch up. And I have had a pretty good relationship with my landlord and he more then understood shit happens every now and then and knew I was not the type of person to screw him over…

So, when I was served eviction papers one night, I was pretty surprised… I would have assumed my landlord would have contacted me first.., but when I tried to get a hold of him, I learned he had recently had a stroke and turned over the running of the building to a real estate management company… I had a feeling working with people I had never met before (this new management company) to catch-up on rent would probably not be possible anymore.

When I finally got in touch with the company now in-charge.., they didn't give a crap about anything except getting me evicted… See, even though this is a rent stabilized apartment, my landlord and now this management company had a nice side business of renting out vacant apartments by the day, which is extremely illegal in NYC.., and carries a $25,000 fine.So, by evicting me, they would have another vacant apartment they could overcharge people for, by the day…

One of those times in life, where everything that could go wrong, has…

And that in a nutshell is how I found myself in this very, very serious situation... I have had the court case, for my eviction adjourned twice and there is a chance (a small chance) I can get it postponed again for another 30 days when I go back on the 27th of February, according to my free housing lawyer.., but after that I will need to come up with all my back rent or be evicted!

I have reached-out to family and friends, informing them of seriousness of my current situation and was beyond surprised that nobody offered any assistance -- I understand lending someone (a friend or family member) money can be tricky.., but I have lent some of the very same people I reached-out too, quite a bit of money in the past. Not only did they not offer to help me financially, not one of them even offered me a couch to crash on, if the worst does happen.., and I do get evicted -- talk about a harsh dose of reality…

See, I have been the guy on the other end of this equation many times and if I was in a position (even if I wasn't) to step up and help, I never hesitated and I never made the other party feel worse than they already did -- and to be completely honest much of the time I did what I did.., because it made me feel good about myself.

I am no saint.., I have made bad choices, wrong decisions and hurt my fair share of people.., but when the chips were down and someone was desperate, they knew they could call me and I’d be there no matter what. So, to be met with a cold silence whenever I brought up my eviction situation -- well, lets just say, I was shocked, to say the least.

And while some say asking for help is the easy way out.., I’m hear to tell you, in present time, there is nothing easy about it -- nothing. As a matter of fact it takes some pair of balls to reach out and admit to the world you need a hand… As a matter of fact, the greatest achievement of my life was helping out someone in need, when my phone rang one night.., and I could hear the desperation in her voice -- immediately I knew something was drastically wrong...

I didn’t ask any stupid questions I just asked.., what do you need -- I got you. Little did I know, that person would turn-out to be the love of my life.., and at the time of that phone call, her life had been hanging by thread… After our very brief relationship ended, I had not seen or spoken to her in about two years… Well, in those two years, her life had spiraled out of control.., she had even tried to commit suicide a few times -- and that was the type of desperation I heard in her voice, the night she called me out of the blue.

Everyone that knows this woman -- her family, friends, even her daughter.., has always told me -- if I did not answer the phone that night, or turned down her request for help, she probably would have been successful in her next suicide attempt… Nobody was happier, than me, that I rushed right over to help her out -- it turned out to be, like I said.., the greatest achievement of my life -- saving somebody elses…

And now, when talking about my present situation.., I hear that same scary tone of desperation in my own voice. Actually, to say I am desperate is the understatement of the century. What's really weird is -- I have never been the kind of person to panic, never… But knowing I could be forced out onto the streets, homeless, has instilled this sense of impending doom --panic, in me.

In Need Of Some Help (financial help)

And all of that, is what has brought to the point of writing this post, to ask the Steemit community for some help… I have already reached out to few community members (mostly witnesses) in Steem Chat asking for some help -- basically a loan.., and have not gotten any responses… I understand that they probably get tons of messages from people on Steemit asking for help and there is a good chance they haven't even read mine…

I have been a member of this Steemit community since August 2016.., and have posted daily, if not more, up until this past month, when I have been consumed with the thought of being evicted (homeless) -- kinda hard to be creative when that's all you can think about. I've tried to always post only quality content, that would appeal to people outside of the cryptocurrency and steemit world -- poems, short stories.., and some stuff about my life. And I have made a little money doing that, unfortunately I have had to use it just to live day to day…

I've always had a good feeling about this community.., and have in the past asked for a small loan to cover a long overdue bill and was so surprised when the community answered… And that is why I am posting now -- to ask anyone in this community, that has the means, for a more than a small loan… I am in need of about 3000 Steem or 2500 SBD (at current prices).., and you don't have to tell me that, that is a lot ask…

You would not only be keeping me from being evicted.., but you would literally be saving my life… To be as real as I possibly can.., if I have to choose between being homeless and dying on the streets -- or taking the matter into my own hands and dying in my apartment.., I choose the later. Trust me, that is not the way I want this to turn out.., suicide is not the way I ever planned on leaving this world -- but I have come to terms with it, if that's the way it goes and I wind-up being told by the judge to vacate my apartment.

You also don't have to tell me how pathetic this all sounds, I feel like I am going to puke just writing it… I know it is insane to ask the Steemit community or anyone for this kind of favor.., but it is my last and only real option.

Once again, I apologize for getting so heavy.., and if this has offended, insulted or upset anyone -- I am truly sorry.

Anyone that does feel like helping me out with a loan, donation, upvote or resteem -- it would be more than greatly appreciate! (any loan would be returned within the year with interest)

Just to be clear... I am in need of 3000 Steem / 2500 SBD -- a little over 11K.

STEEM /SBD -- @macksby

BITCOIN ADDRESS -- 1Mk8SUiVs8yu93sXmyCE3XukFJyr57C42D


PAYPAL -- mack357@mac.com

Thanks for reading, @macksby -- Mack

Im going to try and post about my present situation, daily -- what goes in the mind of someone facing the very real possibility of being homeless.., or worse, if I can get my thoughts together and composed enough.

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Best of luck. Sent you a donation. Stay strong.


Appreciate the generosity... Thank you!

I hope things turn around for you, PLEASE reach out to your friends and family again. Show them your post. Life is precious, speak to as many people as you can even though you may not feel like it


Thanks for the comment @cryptofunk... I have been reaching out to as many people as I possible can and have been completely surprised by the lack of any response.

This sounds terrible man. But it isn't the end. You clearly must be very strong in order to allow people to lean on you. Now you need to be strong for yourself. No matter what, don't give up.


I truly appreciate the words of encouragement @hanshotfirst... What hurts the most is the complete lack of support from people in my life -- it really caught me off guard. This is one amazing community, here on Steemit, with people like yourself. Thank you so much, for your generosity!!!

your housing lawyer in NYC an probably drag this out for years. Hopefully my fraction of a cent upvote helps


Thanks @funbobby51.., every bit helps and I appreciate it. Yeah, my lawyer has been buying me time, but we are down to about another 30 days, maybe a little longer. Cheers!

It must have been hard to write this, and hard to endure the series of hardships lately. I am hopeful that the Steemit Community can help. I'll do what I can. I wish you all the best.


I've been trying to take it all in stride.., but when I got the word from my lawyer that my landlord wasn't (couldn't because of his health) going to step in and drop the court case, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I really appreciate everything you've done for me. CHEERS!

I'm so incredibly sorry to hear this, Mack...This is stupid heavy.
Life sucks and can be so difficult at times, but even though it can be difficult, try to remember that it can be just as rewarding. Life is a gift, and I, along with many others on this platform, are very happy that you were given that gift. You have always been such a cheerful and giving spirit on this platform and I've always appreciated you. I may not comment or vote as often as I would like, but just know that I haven't forgotten about all of the support that you gave me in the beginning, even though I was a tiny little minnow.

Love ya man, and I truly hope that these things are resolved quickly and as easily as possible!


Love ya too, bro...
Yeah, I can't believe Im even in this situation. Im a big fan of life.., it just seems like my options are seriously limited here in NYC. And I've always felt your support, man. Thanks for everything!!!


You got it, bro! Yeah, NYC seems like a difficult place to grow.

I sent you a small transfer, but I also put out another post for you for more visibility and made you 100% reward beneficiary, so in 7 days, you will be receiving whatever rewards I can get for you on there, also.

Head up! We're going to get through this, man!


You're a good man, @rigaronib!

so sorry to hear that you are going through this, wish I could help but I will support you through upvoting, not that my vote is worth much, I know every little helps, even if it just the thought that someone cares


I appreciate your upvote.., and definitely your good thoughts. Cheers @lemondropsblue

I am sorry for your down. I hope my response is not offensive but you have to keep hope. Being homeless is not your only option. Your only skill set is not bartending. Move some place with community. In Alaska I can offer you your own warm cabin, home cooked meals, help getting medical coverage, and most important a community. I am sure there are closer places but for real Alaska is an option.


Man, i wish I this was taking place in Alaska... :))
NYC is not very big on the community thing, as far as I know -- it's a shame, but I haven't come across anything like that, here... Thanks so much for the very kind and generous comment @lanadancer!

Hi @macksby. I don't have much to offer, but because I feel your pain and would very much NOT like to be in the position you are in now, I am resteeming in the hope that someone who can make a difference sees it. I respect your openness about your situation. We are all human and we make mistakes. Shit happens to the best of us.
Good luck and keep us updated!


Thanks @bdmomuae.., that is very human of you, extremely nice.., and very much appreciated!

Sad to heat that. Be strong. The world is open for miracles to happend!

Sad to heat that i am sorry

what will you do next?


Not sure.., but I am still holding out some hope... :))


Optimism will help you!


In Russia they say: rely on God, but do not sit idle.


Thanks helena-malaja... You are a very sweet.., and I appreciate your thoughts and generosity!

I look up to people who admit their mistakes! This can happen to anyone of us, at any time. Just hang in there and stay out of the bathtub because every cloud has a silver lining. You never know why things like this happen. Strongs my friend. This can't be easy but eventually, you'll see light at the end of the tunnel! Resteeming!


Thanks for the thoughtful comment @ghostgtr.., and that "bathtub" line put a smile on my face -- thanks for saying that, I appreciate it!

I wish you the best. I Resteemed @rigaroni’s post regarding this, and Upvoted both. I’m sure my 7¢ or so won’t make a huge difference but it comes with good thoughts and prayers for you.


Thanks @itsallasong -- I can use all the good thoughts and prayers I can get.., they are very much appreciated!

I hope you can get help you need. As I am new to Steemit, I do not have much to give yet. Hopefully the community can surround you in support or your family will realize the dire need for help in your situation. Have you considered moving somewhere where the cost of living is much lower? I am in Georgia so I don't know much about NY, but I'm assuming in the City it must be outrageous!


Thanks for your comment @keciah.., I appreciate the support in any form. And yes, I have definitely considered leaving NYC. Welcome to Steemit, there are some pretty amazing people here, I hope you enjoy it!

Hey man, don't fret, all will be well again, i was homeless for just about 15 months not so long ago so i know that it's tough. I wish i could help you more than with just words an upvote and some sbd. Please read this, it is what happened to me and i am still here, alive and kicking! I hope it inspires you. https://steemit.com/poetry/@madevi/when-it-rains-it-pours


Thanks @madevi... I appreciate your thoughts and generosity.., and I am glad things worked out for you. I will make sure to read your poem. CHEERS!

At the most difficult time, people need to help. Hopefully you can manage this difficult situation. SUCCESS!


Thanks @deviliano.., I appreciate your good thoughts!

Oh wow, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is indeed something ANY of us could face. You are smart and resourceful and from your post, I know you'll be fine. Reaching out like this is brave and a smart thing to do. Take care and know we're behind you!


Thanks @peggyhazelwood... It is amazing how hard it was to write this post and ask for help -- but this community and comments, such as yours, has made it a little easier.

I like your posts
hopefully there are more posts like you who invite friends out there for positive things.
good post


Every little bit helps. I learned of your plight from my online friend's post here - https://steemit.com/steem/@joannereid/there-but-for-the-grace-of-god-go-i-or-you


Thanks @garyharvey.., I appreciate it. Your friend has a very understanding heart!

Our upvote amount isn't much, but it is at least something. We hope others will come to your aide and don't think about suicide. Please just don't. Even living with another Steemian can be a possibility until you get back on your feet. There's more than just two options. There's a world out there full of life and options/alternatives. If we were living in NY and had a spare couch we would offer it to you. Believe us we would.

Is there any Steemian out there that can help @macksby with our suggestion?


Thanks @travelling-two, for your words and positive thoughts... Suicide is not something I ever considered before.., I actually lived with someone, who at that time in her life, was very suicidal -- I had to remove all the knives, glass and anything else you could use to hurt yourself form the apartment. I never knew if I would find her dead when I came home -- it was a very intense time. I did everything I could to prevent it from happening, so to have these thoughts myself, definitely freaks me out.

And yes, I do believe you... :))


Holding on hope for you!
We really hope you are getting the support and backing you need. Surround yourself with positivity in a time like this.
You've said it yourself you've seen this happen before with someone that you used to live with and know what the realities are. Your target of 3,000 STEEM or mixed with other crypto can be achieved. Hopefully, your future posts will receive many upvotes and as much SBD you need per post. We're counting on the rest of the community too! :)


Thanks for all the support @travelling-two... This amazing community has given me some hope!

How much was your rent? Can you move somewhere cheaper? Maybe you can move in with someone.


Thanks for the comment.., Im trying to think of just about anything and everything I can do -- cheers!

@macksby Jeesh, this was upsetting to read. I was homeless for 8 months in NYC and you CAN handle it if it were to happen...the imagined future is worse than the real moment to moment reality. I mean it. I hope you get the loan - but if you don't sometimes life has a way of moving us in a new direction and we build resilience while we're at it. You are loved here and who cares about the people that turned their backs on you...good to know! 💖


Ahhhh -- Im so sorry I upset you... And I understand these struggles that we all face are meant to build character and resilience -- but these last few years, it has been one thing on top of the other. And then to realize all the people in my life don't really give a shit, hit me in a very profound way -- and it wasn't a good feeling. I appreciate, so much, that people like yourself exist in this world -- I just haven't been around many of them, lately.


Its better to be alone for a while. I basically did that for 4 years up in The Bronx. It hurts and I dont mean to make light of that part. But, its better to get to a point to see how self centered, and probably broken in some way, the people in our lives are. Now, several years later Im more or less back on my feet and back in Manhattan and Im a transformed person. I even grew out of getting assaulted right before I moved, as you know. I have compassion for all the people that "abandoned" me now...from a distance! :)

Also, I wouldn't say they are "meant to" build character. I think that they can if we allow it. If we approach difficulties this way. It's our choice. I didn't realize it at the time but I chose to push through and tried to grow despite all the challenges I faced. It worked. I think I should write a book about this!

You are really having difficult years in your life
But I really appreciate the spirit of life that exists with you.
Your story becomes a lesson for others
Thank you for sharing your experience


Thank you, I appreciate that you took the time to read this and leave this thoughtful comment.

Thank you so much for using our service!

Help us grow by delegating to us! 100sp, 500SP, 1000SP

You just received 19.05% upvote from @onlyprofitbot courtesy of @etcmike!


Thanks @onlyprofitbot... And THANK YOU @etcmike!

I know how it feels. Sent you something to cheer you up a little.


I saw.., it is very much appreciated!!!

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Appreciate it!


Thank you...

Sorry to hear this. Don't give up and best of luck.


Thanks @bssman.., appreciate it!

keep spiritt my broo


Thanks @jaryat.., Im trying!!!

Leh ek di bri lom ka padup uro



oh wow, so sorry to hear about this @macksby, hope the upvote helps and I'll send you donation too.


Thanks Ruth... Yeah, I've been in some pretty tough spots before, but nothing like this -- it is mind boggling how things just spiraled out of my control.


It may or may not help you to hear this but I'm just going to say it in case it does -
because I'm a person who has struggled so much with money in my life and haven't felt like I ever had a say in whether I had it or not, I've done a whole lot of self examination on the subject.

There have been times it came easily and times I couldn't get any if my life depended on it. And I've been trying to make the changes in myself so that I can create a different reality around me. I became so tired of feeling like a lack of resources made my life feel not worth living anymore. So often I felt like just giving up and like I am just not suited well for this world.

But when I look underneath all of my despair that has arisen around money and resources, what I see over and over in myself is that this powerlessness I've felt with money was/is rooted in a lack of self worth, a lack of believing that I am worth taking care of, that I am worth looking out for, planning for.

Unfortunately there isn't a pill I can take to fix this but at least it IS something I do have control over and can make a difference with. It takes time but every little step and decision to support myself inside out is immediately its own reward. I can't stress this enough - it's amazing how much good and how quickly each action gives back.

I don't know the nuances of how your financial difficulties sit inside you, but know that you have the inner resources you need (the self care, self love, belief in yourself or whatever the specific medicine is for you) to come out on the other side of this housing crisis and that the inner resources ARE the key not only for this now but also for your wellness in your future. Yes you have to take outward actions, but if they are also fueled with some good beliefs inside you, it makes ALL the difference. Love to you @macksby!


Thanks @natureofbeing for these very thoughtful and specific words -- they definitely resonate with me... I am definitely aware that I need to make some changes in my life, both outwardly and INWARD, for sure... I have for the last couple of years, not felt very good about myself, for many different reasons.., and sort of withdrew from the world around me because of it... Not only do I need to take a good look at myself, but the people I surround myself with... Unfortunately, it took circumstances like this to awaken me to that... Your words, thoughts, prayers, support are so well received and greatly appreciated -- Thanks Ruth!!!


sounds like some good insights on your part....I envision you stepping bit by bit into yourself again and discovering that it's so much easier than you thought!!

Best of luck with your hearing on Tuesday.



God will make a way for you bro,he surely wont let you be homeless.



Forgive me for not comprehending this situation fully, but what prevents you from using those thousands to potentially just secure a new place to live? Or is the rent control price just much cheaper than anything else. Was getting roommates ever an option?

Regardless of any answers to the above, I just want to say that no matter how bad the economy sucks, how shitty work circumstances might be, how bad your immediate future might seem, how crappy the thought of having to pay back-rent or being homeless or having to depend on others might seem, well the only thing that will really be able to defeat you is you, at least if you live in a country where there are usually options available if you look for them.

Yes, it sucks ass that you live in a country where healthcare is a sad joke and insurance is a giant sucking sound heard well above the health of the economy and the welfare of its citizens. It's just a fact that about half of all bankruptcies are the result of something medical related.

It's another fact that even with insurance, about half of long-term care scenarios ended with insurance coming up with some excuse to drop the patient.

I want you to live, for selfish reasons. I want you to live so you can be a living testament to how shit this all is, how terrible it is that labor is so weak in America these days and how easily the individual can be trampled on in the workplace, how readily our citizens are abandoned by the system at the first signs of illness, how no one cares about you unless you're performing at maximum productive output, how friends turn their backs once the first signs of struggle are smelled, how you're told to feel like shit for not reaching unrealistic expectations and bucking the trend set by forces much larger than you as an individual, forces that could only be turned by collective action, a combined force of will that we've been trained since birth to forget we have access to, the notion that we as a group can overcome the problems that we as individuals face everyday if only we were to understand that the root of all these ills could actually be dealt with if only we were to stop our bickering and infighting for long enough to understand that our struggles are not unique and our fight is not our own.

I want you to live and understand that you are not alone and were never alone.

I want you to live and grow and harness something other than self-pity or self-loathing, they only get you so far. Do not be ashamed to be in your situation. You are not alone.


One day at a time.

Take it one day at a time.

We have one chance to experience life, unless you believe in reincarnation.

Depression is a helluva drug. I want you to kick its ass in the face.

You'll pull through this.

There are fates far worse than homelessness. Scrape up enough and you can couch-surf.


Appreciate all the positivity.., and support @charitybot!

I honestly can imagine what you are going through, am going through something similar, and it's great to see how well the steemit community has responded, we gotcha back! Least I can do is a mere upvote and lots of prayers you pull through.
@charitybot has really brought out some really valid points, if you have an option to get a cheaper , safer place please do atleast it will help reduce the financial load, for all its worth get what you are going through I really do coz its exactly what am going through, I have made drastic changes to my life, reduced my expenses to a minimum (abt 40-50SBD per month) steemit may not help get all that, I have taken odd jobs to atleast try and get by, until something better comes as I continue applying for jobs.
And like @natureofbeing has put it very well, your greatest resource is what is within you, not the external stuff. Your post will help others in the same situation atleast there is help out here.
All the best in your trial on Tuesday, you went through the identity theft saga, health issue and you will get through this as well. It maybe hard to believe this but all will be well @macksby.

Will keep you in prayers. SteemOn!


I am definitely open to making some drastic changes in my life.., and I appreciate all the good vibes!

I wish I could help more. I don't have much in my account because I just started here. I hope that small amount could help. I feel sad about you bro.


Thanks @michaelcabiles.., I really appreciate your thoughts and generosity -- it means a lot. Welcome to Steemit.., there are some pretty amazing people here!!!


Thank you @macksby. @rigaronib inspires me. He is a very nice guy and the idol of my son in arts. Anyways, I wish you the best of luck bro.


You are definitely getting your inspiration from the right person.., @rigaronib is a great guy, I remember when he started, here on Steemit -- I loved his artwork!
Thanks again, @michaelcabiles