Story of a Lonely Guy

Since I’m not a whale on Steemit I guess I don’t have to worry about this going viral.

This is not something I write and share on a regular basis or on a weekly basis. I thank god I am NOT those types of guys that post too much of their personal issues on Facebook or yell or go apeshit mad in front of the camera about getting rejected. This is about me struggling with being single and the struggle of getting a girlfriend. I guess this is one of the big reasons why I’m active on Steemit.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not going to lie that money is one of the big reasons by being a whale here creating my wealth just doing what I love and actually earn my passive income and get out of this 9-5 slavery. I should’ve joined this about a year ago but guess what I was doing? I was too busy dating this one girl or some girls call it “just going out”. I don’t know why but a lot of girls consider “going out” and “dating” two different things. Girls are too complicated. All I know was I wasn’t hanging out with her like a friendzone because I asked her out on a date and she said yes incase if anyone was wondering. I almost thought she was going to be my girlfriend as everything seems to be set in place with the way how we met except after 3 weeks into dating it just ended in silence. Yeah I felt heartbroken but some girls would call this a heartache but for me I was heartbroken. I know I’m not getting into the deep details with how I met this girl since that is a different blog for another time as of right now I’m just expressing the struggle of being single and getting a girlfriend.

A little bit about me:
At a very young age I was living in a different country where my aunt tried to teach me 5 or 6 different languages (English not included) then when my parents had enough time that they don't need a babysitter they took me back to the US and while I was growing up my English was shitty. I was speaking broken English, I can't express myself, I was awkward, I don't speak to too many different people and people around me in my high school including my family were a bunch of condescending dickheads that I experienced social anxiety disorder at one point. Pretty much I did not want to put myself out there because of all of this bullshit. During high school I was that type of guy that just want to simply play video games, zombies, punk rock, experience REAL friends, and get a girlfriend or at least a lot of casual dating. I did not give two shits about volunteering, community service, politics, religion, education I don't know why but I know some people reading this would get so butthurt but this is me. I know if I expressed myself like this back in high school so so many people just get butthurt. I was who I was. I still am that type of person I was before but I got even more things to add to myself than just all that but I can go into even more detail in a different blog for another time.
You guys get the idea my high school was an extremely shitty one. I honestly don't feel like I have any REAL friends from my high school or even my hometown except this one guy but he doesn't count since he started to become a big part of my SOCIAL life during college years.

A little bit of where I grew up:
I live in a small ass city so small(not talking about my dick) that that place only had one high school. They say people in small cities are more socially retarded or just simply retarded than people in big cities which explains why people in rural areas helped Trump become president. But yes I grew up in a stereotypical Asian place where every Asian was book smarter than I am and talk shit better than I can. In a stereotypical Asian society everything was just getting into a good college, intense drama, a ton of anime, and lots of drama. Sure you learn plenty of discipline from growing up with Asian parents and living with a TON of Asians but there is a huge disregard for happiness and individuality. I was just average compared to all of that and out of that of range. I felt like I was living in a very shitty anime slice-of-life where I am that main character who is insecure and need a girl to carry my balls for me. People didn't respect me as a normal person cause I was fat and I was that awkward type of person where it can't be helped. There are a few different types of awkward and one of them is make things awkward on purpose. Thank god that is not me but sadly I met a few of these types of people in my life and nobody likes them.

Where I started the struggle:
After high school during my first few years of college I honestly thought things would come into place like the universe/god was setting something special for everybody but I eventually learned to get my head out of my dumbass. Long story short during college years, after getting my car, after getting out of obesity I started talking to random girls. Pretty much pick-up/cold-approach whatever the hell you want to call it its all the same to me.
"There is no shame in my game I am what I am." - The Booty Warrior.
Some girls were offended, some made their day, some were amazed, some were butthurt, some kept an open mind, some were close minded. I went through a lot of rejection but before I even started putting myself out there I was going through changes and I still am right now. My way has its ups and downs but AGAIN that is a different blog for a another time. I live in an area where males overpopulate females. I also live in an area where not only jobs are competitive but also getting a girlfriend feels competitive.

The way I feel, I feel like I don’t know if I will ever get a girlfriend or I just can’t imagine myself being with one. I have this feeling where my chances of being a whale on Steemit is higher than getting a girlfriend. I have preference and that is my fault but my preference is still broad as I still managed and went-out/dated several different girls from okay to beautiful but none of them was ever into me or it didn’t work out in the first date or showed any real affection towards me...except this one girl who is gothic with daddy issues and AGAIN that is different blog for another time. Oh wait I did find a girl who had REAL feelings for me from the start. She was beautiful by society standards but I think she is beautiful just not as much as society thinks. She can pass for modeling but I prefer girls a bit thicker. The funny thing is she just moved from a different state from far away so it felt different from the girls I went out with in the area I lived. She was the only girl I can think of where it was REAL from the start and didn't feel like a catfish. When I made my move after we first met we hugged each other goodbye and I felt her hugging me tightly with joy and excitement...but in the end it didn't work out as I thought it would and I was reminiscing the good times for quite a while.

Did I give it my all?
I give myself a solid C or for putting plenty of effort while an F wouldn't make any sense and a D is just too harsh for a not so optimistic guy like myself and an A+ would be wasting too much time from continuously chasing. I try to aim for at least a solid B. I know I can do better because I still have plenty of things I can naturally change about myself. My hope comes from the gym and fashion improvement.

I told this to my friends many times and I need to find another place to express what I feel. Also I'm not just writing this for reputation level or many upvotes but I really do hope that many of you guys who goes through the same struggle as I am to not give up and give it your all. Life is short and the worst feeling ever is never knowing the outcome without giving it your all. I'm giving my all when it comes to improving my dating life but I am also trying to live my life too. Never let a girl change who you are unless YOU YOURSELF feel like you need to change something about yourself because I use to be friends with a guy for years who is insecure has a girlfriend but the type of guy that I later lost my respect for. Rejection sucks but at the end of the day it doesn't meant shit. From where I come from where I started it feels like I'm not supposed to experience what its like to date a girl that I am supposed to be a guy suffering from social anxiety but I still manage to fight against my own personal backstory. I write this blog also for myself so that in the near future I can look back and see how far I've come. This is one of my most personal blogs and you the reader will see this kind of stuff every once in a while.