Marriage: Not A Course For Intercourse
Six out of eight people that I used to be close friends with, are now divorced. Five of them have kids and life really starts taking a very painful twist after such a settlement.
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I refused to go to any of their weddings because I do not agree with the idea of marriage. I find it ridiculous that two consenting adults need an institutional blessing (whether religious, governmental or both) to live together. I also don't believe that a human connection has to be put down on bureaucratic paper so both can feel safe. A legal binding can settle this just fine. The whole idea of marriage is also contra to the notion of what some people call "romantic love" which I debunk here. Don't forget that marriage started as a business transaction with women being sold as property.
The act of a scheduled, institutional “romantic” marriage is even more appalling to me than arranged marriages from specialized agents; like it used to be in the past. The only exception I make for marriage is when it comes to citizenship, and this is just because I believe the way the government treats human bonds is ridiculous.
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In any case. My now… acquaintances, had not talked to me for a while up until recently; you see, they found my stance offensive. Three of them have called me out of the blue periodically to tell me that "I was right"—crying on the side about how marriage totally screwed their lives. If it wasn’t the cute chick at the office that did the damage, it was lack of communication, decline in sexual desire, or worse (and often) all of the above.
I wonder if people ever gave a good thought on marriage. Let’s take a step back and be practical with the matter: Imagine if you had to hire an employee, forever. You would have to accept any shortcomings that they produce, forever. You won’t be able to fire them, or take any action that they don’t like. Doesn’t sound like a good plan now, does it?
People change. Many forget this. Much like two people magically got together by chance, synchronising their minds and hearts, in much the same way, we do drift apart.
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One cannot naively accept the magic of randomness that aligns two people in a particular moment in time but reject it when it doesn’t suit them.That little voice in your head telling you right now that you got the whole package — because you and only you cupcakes are uniquely special snowflakes, is called Dopamine. It’s nature's booby trap to just get you to copulate based on your default physiological response; a tool for bonding and sex, not a compatibility report for a long term commitment such as marriage. Marriage is a human construct. We are polygamous creatures or at best, serially monogamous—except when we are not...
If after all this you still want to get married, you have a better chance marrying your best friend. Sexual attraction withers away soon because you are not supposed to be attracted to just one mate for a long time. If that was the case we would be extinct by now, due to a limited gene pool variation. "Opposites" may attract but "similars" are there to stay.
The wedding industry is a $300 billion (with a B) money cow. You have made a good first step in taking a small bite out of that greedy bitch. :)
Indeed, @vegascomic and if this wasn't enough, the state promotes it as well.
I think people have started thinking about the implications of marriage.
A look at the current divorce rates confirms this.
And the courts allow couples to more or less legally enslave one another.
Yes, your view on marriage is entirely correct: Not a good idea, especially in the states, what with its consequence often being the other's slave after the relationship is ended by the other.
@faddat
at least the lawyers are getting fat from all these
A triumphant return to dealing with more controversial topics! I have often felt this way about marriage but it's something most of us aren't really "allowed" to talk about. There is so much societal pressure around it. Anyway thanks for highlighting it:)
Indeed @thecryptofiend but we are here to "depressurise" the situation :-)
Would it make it more or less difficult to fulfil a "parenting commitment" if we just lived together and made babies? Yes, marriage is rooted in a "property transfer", which is more than ugly, but the waters are so muddy now, its difficult to see clearly. Here's a paraphrase of Walter Scott:
@richardjuckes
For hundreds of thousands of years families were communal. They were made out of 20-35 people. I see no reason why we can't do this today
That's right! Villages, hamlets, backstreets. So many people move around all the time now, we need to imagine some different way of achieving this.
@kyriacos, good topic and the advice at the end is solid. I married my best friend after knowing her for 21 years. I married late in life and now have 2 beautiful daughters aged 2 and 6. So my problems are yet to come :) when the boyfriends start coming around :)
@jacor
Indeed you are still early in the game. Don't worry though is the going gets tough. There is always polyamory!
I can't remember where I read it (or heard it? podcast?) but there was a tribe in South America where children had multiple fathers. The women would have sex with whoever they wanted and when she got preggers all of the men who had sex with her become the fathers of the child. They believed that the semen was like a big brew that helped bring the kid into the world.
I've never understood the attraction of marriage. I also have many friends either divorced or in incredibly unhappy marriages. In fact I find it hard to think of any couple I know who aren't sacrificing happiness to stay together with their partners. Maybe it's just the people I know...
@jonno-katz
Even today it is hypothesized that 3 out of 10 children do not belong to the family's father.
Marriage was invented as measn to organise society better under religious doctrines. Back in the day the elite had most of the wives but with religion there was more equality. Everyone got to have at least one. This is why it became popular. Marriage is basically a socialist approach to procreation
Yeah it's traditionally been a socio-economic relationship. Mind you I have friends in poly relationships. One once said to me, "Monogomous relationships are hell. Polyamorous relationships are many-hells."
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