Here are more photos of the painting I did for holoz0r Art contest as a tribute to @Lauralemons

It makes me sad that I didn't paint this while she was here! It's something I've thought about. I feel like she would have liked it, Especially because many of her paintings were also very dark.

The Eyes are white because I went blind

Literally. After a whole bottle of Allergy medicine, I went blind. I couldn't see anything. And that's when the real horror set in, That I may not ever get my vision back if I survive this. I started frantically texting the guy I was dating at the time, But I couldn't even see the screen. He couldn't figure out what I was saying, Which scared him more.
I was sending stuff like this

ujurkck ldspepptre

dfjdjdk dl;kfd;ls eirespksmcmv dskwiyitiit mclmcsmmcds

euuerikof dstheslsv

It was pretty bad, When I could see again, and I saw the messages I was shocked. I thought I knew my keyboard well enough to send messages that were at least somewhat understandable. This is when the real panic set it, I kept wiping my eyes, And touching them. As a way to try and bring my vision back, But those efforts failed. I was blind for 4 hours.

There Is Blood Coming from My Mouth, From Puking

This is probably what saved my life, Is I started puking a ton after taking all the pills. I even had whole pills coming back up. I don't know if I was actually puking up blood, Or maybe the pills were broken down and I was just puking up a mess of pills. I have never felt sicker in my life, (For Obvious reasons)

It's amazing how mentally you can want to die so much, But in the end, your body WILL fight back just to survive.

I Tried to Sleep

Allergy medicine makes me drowsy, That's one of the reasons I picked it. I was hoping I could just take all the pills and die in my sleep. Easy.
Even though I went in and out of consciousness, I wasn't able to fall asleep, and I felt incredibly agitated. And kept twitching and moving.

The Allergy Pills

That was the only medication I "somewhat" needed at all times. I have a rare condition that makes me allergic to anything cold. If I'm out in the rain, Snow or if I just get too cold, Hives could start up. My throat swells up a bit when I eat Ice cream or any cold things.

Of all "suicide" Methods, I picked the one thing I NEED in my life. My allergy medicine has saved my life countless times when the swelling gets out of control. And yet I tried to use it to end my life. That shows how rational my thinking was.

The consequences

Now every time I have to take my allergy medicine for my hives, I immediately start to gag when I take the pills. I've gotten to the point I can handle taking them again, But for a while, my body would completely reject it, and I would throw up after taking the normal dose of 1 or 2.
That just shows how much our bodies try to protect us!

The Blue Background

Also, is referencing my rare allergy, I'm allergic to the cold. Blue is thought of to be a "cold" color. Also, it represents sadness.

The tree in the background

I felt like I needed to include my love for nature somewhere in the painting, and my potential future if I was successful in my attempt. Which would probably be in a cemetery somewhere? (Even though that's not what I would have wanted).
I also masked it in blue, As a way of separating myself from it. Because I was not around nature at that time.

Stuff I was going to include but didn't

My work keys:
At this time I was working my two jobs. And I loved my jobs and my supervisors. The funny thing is, I desperately didn't want anyone to know what I was doing. I was afraid if my supervisors at my job found out, They'd think less of me. That was a real fear I had before I did that. Which is odd really.

Medical Stuff :
But I was led to this point because my life had gotten so imbalanced. I was working over 12 hours a day. To pay medical bills from my appendix removal. I didn't have insurance. And the thought of being in debt every day was torture. I got in this much debt at the age of 18. This just shows how much work the U.S. Healthcare system needs. It failed me, And It failed Laura 10x more.

Also living around toxic people didn't help my situation. I always felt like crap about myself and lost my desire to live life, Because it seemed as though the hard things in my life, Would never go away.
But it eventually did. And I'm glad I'm still here.

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