I was Abused Growing Up : Read My Story : Lets Wake Up & Help Abused Kids - She Should Not Die in Vain
Picture Taken from NST Online dates 2nd Feb 2018
Today as we open the newspaper, we read with sadness about a young girl age 9 years old that was abused and killed in the hands of her parents – his own father and a stepmother. Who is the actual caused, time will tell as I believe there will be an investigation but for me, both are accountable of this and the society also is responsible for her death.
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Picture Taken from FreeMalaysiaToday dated on 2nd Feb 2018.
It seems the father has been taken to police station few month ago and was asked about the daughter but was let go as it seems he was disciplining the daughter. Oh God! Police must actually follow up and see whether the father continues. If a child as young as 9 years old is beaten daily, it is not the child fault. Its already problem and issues with the parents and the parents must be counsel and advice on how to deal with young kids as they might not understand how to do this or they were also abused as a child growing up by their parents.
Yes, and this must stop and then the parents will not be able to do so as it’s already in their sub-conscious mind. Unless they are educated or they are aware of what is happening, they will be able to manage it, if not they are not able to do so and only death will stop them in the end or the child will be traumatized and when they are big and becomes the parents, the cycle will continue.
Here society plays a role to advise and is alert. I have reported one of our neighbor years ago and asked the police to see and advice as we hear a young boy who is actually same age with my eldest son, crying and being beaten nearly every day. And when those days I came back earlier from office, the maid also take harsh punishment toward the boy like locking in the toilet when he does something wrong. The boy was crying from the bathroom scared.
So one day I said enough and I ask why you are doing that to your son. I asked the mother, and the lady says none of your business and this is her kid and her kid is not easy.
Anyway, later I decided to report as It continues so I reported to the police and the police came. Although it took me a while to convince the police as for them it might just be a difficult kid at home. I told the police officer, how difficult a child is – he or she should not be beaten daily, what kind of kid will he grows up. The parents need to be counsel. Anyway, the police seem reluctant at first until I said the main keywords – I have done my part of reporting as a sensible neighbor who cares, and if something happened to that boy, please don’t blame us, but blame yourself for not taking actions. At least go and look and advice so the parents are aware of their actions and they are being observed.
Nevertheless, the police went and since then I don’t hear anymore shouting and crying from the house. As long as they know they are being observed and watch, they will at least think twice. We know as a mother of 5 boys our young’s can be hard to take care and sometimes yes, we feel like killing them with our bare hands however reasonable and sane parents will be able to control however parents who have been abused as a child, not many can do that.
I can share this as I was one of the kids who basically can be deemed abused by their own stepmother. My brother and myself have been beaten just simply doing simple mistakes and getting beaten is a routine thing for us. Sometimes nearly every day. The rotan “bulu ayam” seems to always be a new one. Luckily we had a wonderful stepsister who will always make us hide in her room and when her mother was on the prowl looking for us and can hear asking her, where is my brother and me, she will answer, she doesn’t know but actually, we were hiding in her room and happily reading comics . And that we are blessed with having her.
One experience that I could not help remember when I read this newspaper today, was that those days, I was a follower of the great basketball Globe Trotters. They were coming to Malaysia and those who know them knows they were a great team. I was looking forward to the game and my father bought the tickets much much earlier. However, for some reason, I don't remember, just as we were going out, my brother and my father assistant who will always take us out as my father is an army officer and he always travels a lot and leave us at home.
My stepmother called me and scolded me on something. She was angry and actually when you are so angry, we kids, can't understand anything at all and I don't even remember why she was angry. How old was I? Maybe 9 or 10 years old I think. She then took the "bulu ayam" cane and hit me at the head, but I managed to bring my hand to take the blow and protect my head. She hit me more and I could not remember but the one that I protected at the head was the only one I remembered. As after that, we went to the game, and I was crying as my thumb was so painful like as if it cracks as it took the blow and that was a night I will never forget. A game I was looking forward to seeing for months, end up I could not see anything as I was just crying as my thumb is just so painful and crying because I wanted so much to see the game and I could not do so now. . Nobody asks... nobody cares and here I was hearing the claps and the games but I could not see anything as the tears just could not stop flowing.
Here in my house we now don’t have any cane to beat the boys if they make mistakes although I admit when I had the 3 eldest one... Earlier as a young parent, when they make big mistakes, I will take out a cane and beat them at the leg and only just legs, however you know, being an abused person growing up, I suddenly realized I just can’t stop from beating if I start it, although I know I should stop but I just can’t stop. Since then I threw it away and never use it anymore.
It gives me great pain to admit that, but it’s already in our subconscious mind growing up. We can’t stop as same maybe our stepmother did not stop when she beats us before. Maybe she was abused growing up, I wouldn't know or something has happend that made her that way. However many cases it's due to how we are being brought up and the cycle can only stop with us being aware of our action and I hope I have stopped the cycle with me being aware. I was aware of my actions is not right and I am following a mind that just can’t stop. It’s the subconscious mind taking over.
Instead after that I prefer to shower and show more love instead of being angry and of course, they will make mistakes and can get under your hair – however, I will just try as much use words instead of canes. I think my neighbors will hear more of my shouts rather than my boys being caned. Anyway, always I give them lots of hugs and love them more. When I am angry due to what they did I tell them again reasons why I am angry and I always love them so much. I grew up with not enough hugs and love but with my kids, I choose to give as many loves and as many hugs so that they will miss it when they are all grown up. Rather than me growing up missing the non-hugs and love from a mother instead I want my kids to miss the real hugs and loves I show them growing up.
Further to that, that’s why I love doing what I do… I love giving and sharing and imparting knowledge and being a mobile apps trainers as it gives me great joy in helping others. Most importantly getting my kids involves in helping and sharing this great knowledge of generating income via mobile apps.
Reason is simple, I can get my kids involves in mobile apps creation for their future income. They are generating their own income at their young age and they also get involves in this business of training and they grow up by sharing what they know and seeing their adults participants who majority are much older than them achieve success and earn income via mobile apps by helping me in the workshop. I sincerely hope will provide them with great foundation to help others in future.
Finally everybody, most importantly, please be alert when you see or hear kids getting beaten daily every day. No kids should grow up in that scenario and as much as it’s painful. Its more painful when seeing adults always asking us why this blue mark, why this marks- yeah, my teachers always busy body asked but did they actually really help my brother and myself beside maybe assuming we are difficult kids. Please do take note, just by stripping flowers will means lashes and hands tied up and being put in rooms for hours… that is not a reasonable way of teaching kids… many more stories and its too painful to share. I still can shed tears until today just by sharing this and today I shed tears reading this article as this young girl should have not died by this way if the society really cares and this is where being busy body is much needed. Positive busy body must be practiced to help others.
The kids don't know its wrong, we adults should knows and we should help more. Be always on alert and look out. For me, seeing kids being scolded openly in shopping complex or seing kids sitting quite at a corner, will always makes me very alert and will look out around and observe a bit whether they are safe. Its already pre program for me, as only those who have gone through will understand.
Please dear friends when you see or hear a child being beaten daily, go and check out as you might save a young live and you might save future abusers. No kids how difficult he or she is, should endure daily beatings. When that happends, it's of no fault of the kids - the parents must be reprimaded and counsel.
Thank you for reading and god bless you always.
Thanks for sharing Kartina. Yes abuse is a vicious cycle and need to be stopped!
Thank you @lianmok for reading. Its was an impulse writing as i read teh news today as it brings back many memories I wish to forget.
Yes, any types of abuse be it physical or verbal is not acceptable!! Children needs to grow in a healthy environment. We can always punish them in other productive ways, such as do chores etc.
Yes, @noriaakip. Please do take note of parents who have been abused growing up. They have no control over their actions. They can't help it. I am lucky as I am aware but when I start caning, it just doesn't stop. The only way is just to throw out canning and yes, then we develop positive punishment, but not many can do that so we society must help them. Really its all in the subconcoius mind. They must be thought positive parenting and observe and help. Can take time.
Agree with you, punishment is not a problem-solving. Awareness & action from community can help to prevent this from happen.
Thank you @alimatunrosli. Yes, our society must play a role and that girl death falls on the society for not doing more to help the parents and hep the girl.
You are right, the abusers acted out of control. They have psychological issues that require help from professional counselors. Kudos to you for reporting your abusive neighbor to the police. And thank you for sharing your personal story, I am sure it takes a lot of courage to do it.
Thank you @coloringship for kind support. Yes, they must be help as they have no control on their action. Here the police & society must play a role. Anyway, I am lucky I am aware as I read lots of books and I am always thinking of all my actions and that helps me in a way I guess and I rather gives more loves to my kids.
Nice post.I am sure it takes a lot of courage to do it.
Thank you @masud90. It always linger and I think steemit platform with so much sharing by others. I just wanted to share and help make peopel underatnd that we could have help that girl. We could and should have and its so sad a life is gone simply because nobody really took enough action to solve and help the parents and especially the girl.
I grew up being caned and punished as well. No one reported! cane, broom, firewood, etc... Anyway... This case is totally extreme to a point of death. God bless her soul!
Thank you @catherinelim. Many cases is like this nowadays and society must take action and helped. I hope you are okay and may God bless you always.
So true @karttina ! sometimes as kids we really couldn't understand why our parents treated us the way they did at that time but we can remember the pain and the feeling we had. We remember and it'll stay with us like forever and it becomes one of our parents' legacy to us.
Thanks @keedieismalasari. Yes.. and in this issue that has happend.. lots of malaysian is angry with the parents whereas they should be help..and be an example as this is not a rare phenomena.
Many others out there needs help and councelling. Will they ever admit it?
Nope.. so here society plays a great role. They are the eyes and ears for young and vulnerable kids... for those parents who has a traumatic growing up experience.. its beyond reasonable as their subconscious mind is taking over..
Let me share an example of subconcious mind issues. If I asked a big crowd of people... when you think of chicken what do you remember?
Answer will definitely will be KFC.. same with burger.. It will definitely be Mc Donald.. its our subconcious mind anwering as we are bombardent with the ads during our childhood days.. and do you know below 12 years old.. it goes straight to our subconcious mind.. thats why.. we need to use good positive words .. daily.. since young....
The authority and society needs to play a greater role and in this case the young daughter case was noticed and father was questioned by police. However is there any follow up? Any proper counceling gave to the parents especially the father...?
Here.. the father actually has no control and in actual fact is not doing anything wrong in a way...but whether he can prove that in court. If the lawyer is smart... he will go this angke and its an angle that can be proven easily.
He can't control himself.. soceity is the one that lands that girl to death... but this.. will never be accepted as only those who has gone through this can share and my call to action to all... be alert.. help these young kids... make sure your neighbour etc are all right as you don't know behind those walls.. a baby or young kids is being emotionally abused or physically abused daily.
If its on daily routine.. its not logical anymore... if a young kids.. goes to school daily with bruises.. its not normal anymore.. be busy body and check out... you might save a life....
We must protect kids from this. Not only our own kids but also neighbours and friends. We cant afford to do a tidak apa attitude anymore :(