WHY CAN'T MY FAMILY GROW UP, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE...NEVER
I was starting to feel more positive about my future, My diet and weight loss is going in the right way, i was feeling happier but then there is always something that comes along and kicks you were it hurts.
Most of you know about my childhood and some of the things I went through with my parents and school teacher. I have had lots of counseling plus CBT Congenital Behavioural Therapy that has taught me how to deal with a few problems, I also have been doing Mindfulness Meditation to help me clear my mind.
I kicked most of my family out of my life over 20 years ago, i have nothing to do with them, If I see them in town i walk past as if they are strangers but every now and again they manage to turn my life upside down.
A few years ago the person who raised me i will call her J. She died, i didn't find out until 3 days later, a old school friend phoned me to let me know. I wasn't told about the funeral either. I have 2 older sisters and a younger brother that i don't speak to, the only family i had was my youngest sister plus an Aunt that lived in the same street a few houses away from us. She was a lovely lady that hated my father her younger brother as much as i did but put up with him. She didn't learn about the abuse until i told her a few years ago.
I never got to see my Aunt very much, she was a very strong independent lady that would never ask for help. I would go down with presents at Christmas and spend some time with her, always telling her we were there if she needed help. I then saw her at an uncles funeral and found out she had been ill, again no one letting me know. I had given her my number to let me know how things are, she never phoned. The Christmas before last I went down with her presents but the curtains were pulled shut, i thought she may be in bed early, I phoned and left so many messages but heard nothing so thought maybe she had moved in with my cousin as she was poorly.
Lying in bed last night i was playing on my phone unable to sleep, i started to search family names to see what came up. I was and still am devastated. I found out that she had died in November 2017 after her illness.
People tell me to move on and forgive them for everything they have done, there is no way i can do this as they still keep messing up my life. I have seen them in town a few times, sitting in the same cafe as me but i ignored them, I won't be doing that again, they are going to here what i think about them all in Public. I am fuming.
Thank you @son-of-satire
I am very sorry to hear this and I don't blame you for feeling this anger.
Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do in the world but it is doable and it is very important even when we don't want to.
This is what I have heard from a lady who has been abused by her father for 16 years and her mom knew and did nothing.
At the end she forgave her parents, even though she didn't feel like it or wanted to and it doesn't mean that they are right for what they did and she even bought them a house later on.
But her life has been so blessed afterward and she loves and enjoys her life as a priest. I don't know if you ever heard of Joyce Meyer who is a Christian speaker.
This is what she tries to teach people how to forgive.
Now I am not telling you to forgive your family, because I don't really know how or if I could ever forgive my family if that was my case, but as long as you are free from them and you are enjoying your life then that is great. Please don't let them steal your life anymore or poison your life anymore (I know how hard that is) but their are just not worth you getting stressed or sick etc. because of them.
Like I said, this is taught situation you are in and I don't know how I would handle the case myself if I was in this position so I can't really help you or advise you of anything, but I just wish you all the happiness you deserve and wish you all the best dear friend.
Hugs.
Thank you, that really meant a lot.
I haven't heard about her but she sounds perfect to b a priest. Wish i could just let it go, i have let them go. What they do is very petty and childish, they must enjoy it. There nearly 60,you would think they would just move on.
I am going to more meditation and see if that will help :)
Thank you again :)
It's okay to feel hurt, I understand and I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you. my family seem to get a kick out of hurting me, but they do it from afar there to scared to do it to my face.. Not going to let them hurt me anymore, well at least try :)
Who am I but a stranger who hears the burdens you bear - trying to understand the fate you were forced to face alone. I will not lie and say that it is easy to forgive. But this is what makes what forgiveness is meaningful. It is because these things are difficult to forget - that thoughts of forgiving feel so... non-conclusive.
I say this. You - a good soul - doing your best to be there for those who chose to act on their own. Let them continue to be strangers to those who ignored you. Forgive them. Not for the sake of letting them off - but for the sake of yourself so that you may move on and turn to a new chapter. What's done is done - and what is simply is. Do not let the past of what happened cause you more burden with worry and pain - forgive because you are strong to do so. Forgive knowing that it is unfair but that you forgive that unfairness as well - to both yourself and to them. Let them go. Flourish with the strength you have gained. That you were given from persisting and moving forward in all the circumstances that you were made to see. It is because you are here - where I listen and hear your burdens - that I tell you that you may release them.
They more than likely will come across you time to time - this comment isn't meant to be filled with deceit - but realistic life events that simply just happen - and you will be challenged. You will be faced with a door. Each time, you can choose to walk forward, and turn the door knob - forgiving them as you go through it - instead of forcing yourself to hold the knob when deep down you know you have the strength to turn it.
Thank you for that, I am going to try I don't want them in my life or in my head. Thanks again :)
So sorry to hear this, dear Karen. Sometimes a family is not a good family and there's nothing we can do, we can just move on, even it's not simple. Here in Italy we use to say that God give us good friend to apologize for some relatives and it's true, because we can't choose our relatives, but we can choose to have around us just good persons. Warm hugs, dear. ❤️
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Thank you :)the sad thing is I don't have any friends either, lost them since being disabled. :(
This is a tough emotional ride you are having with your family. Think twice before confronting them though, for your sake.
Thank you, I think the anger was speaking, I really don't need them to know how i feel.
You are no different than most people. Not good keeping the anger inside. But always good to sleep on something that you may be sorry later in doing.. :-)
I know if i lose it with them i will hurt them so def not doing time for them :)
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STOPOh wow, this is so tough and I'm sorry you have to endure this rollercoaster.
Thank you, :)
Dear Karen! I understand how upset you are. But I do not think that you should spend your energy on negative feelings about these people. Relatives are often strange, but nothing can be changed. I am not saying that you should build relationships with them. Just don't waste your feelings on them.
Thank you :)
Building a relationship will never happen, i have walked away, i never get involved in there business but they are always trying to do damage to my life.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this.
If only i could delete them from my memory :(
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