The BIG BANG!

This is my dad's story of when he was 7 and a half years old as promised yesterday.

My name is Charlie and my best mate is Archibald called Archie. When I was a school boy way back in the early 1900's we wore grey shorts with a blazer no matter how hot the weather and we wore caps with tiny peaks that had to be raised to show respect.....up and down....up and down, smiling each time. 

Discipline was very strict and society expected and usually got good behaviour from children who were expected to be seen and NOT heard.

There was a retired major from the army in India who spoke in a "pompass" voice and shouted commands even though he was really old and his days in the army were long over.  He lived in our neighbourhood. We longed to really pay him back for all the times he got us into trouble at school, with our parents..........He was a thoroughly horrible person. Even his wife was scared of him.

We collected gun powder.

Fireworks in those days, over 100 years ago, were made by the Chinese and they had no rules or regulations. They sold big, I mean absolutely enormous squibs that we loved! The BANG that they gave delighted Archie and me and we decided to collect the gunpowder from inside them and make our own even bigger BANG.

So we did. Every time we exploded one we kept one. At the end of celebrating Guy Fawkes day ..... he was a cool British guy who on the 5th of November  was arrested while planning to blow up the government..............but it didn't happen and somehow it turned into a day when everyone has fun letting off squibs and rockets in memory of him. A confusing thing altogether but fun anyway. My gran says it's a 'crying shame' and the money should be used 'more fruitfully'. Don't know about that 'cos we get lots of fruit anyway from our own trees!

So Arch and me, or should it be me and Arch? Who cares? So anyway.........we collected 37 Big bangs and often looked at them in wonder, wondering what we should do with them. We just knew that we wanted to give mean old Major Worthington Smythe the biggest Big bang fright of his life. The 5th of November that particular year passed and we almost forgot the 37 squibs in the red cardboard box underneath Archie's bed. 

[squibs.png](https://postimg.cc/XBLVM2VT)

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Christmas came and I got a rolled up map that had been posted to me from my uncle in England. It came in a thick hard cardboard tube to protect it on its long journey on the ship to my house. As soon as I saw it I was reminded of the super squib Archie and I wanted to make so I kept it under my bed in my Nan's old leather suitcase with all the labels on it.

As birthdays came and went November rolled round again and the Chinese shop advertised new improved rockets and a million little squibs all joined together. They looked almost like knitting. .....fire crackers they were called and popped and crackled continuously for about 2 minutes....anyhow I was reminded of our plan to make our big bomb and I hauled my cardboard tube over to Archie's house. 

With a saw in his dad's garage we managed bit by bit to cut it to about a foot in height. any longer and it wobbled. Then in secrecy behind the hen hock with them chickens gently murmuring as they scratched in the dust, we made our secret weapon. We emptied all the grey gunpowder from the 37 Big Bang squibs into this cylinder and with our pocket money bought 12 more to fill it up. We stuffed brown paper in the top space and twisted it into a big wick. We bought our own box of Lion matches for a penny and kept it all hidden under Archie's bed.

The day arrived.

It was that death period on a Sunday afternoon when everyone had an afternoon nap. It was a deeply depressing, most boring time of the week. In the heat we escaped from our beds where we were expected to read a book for an hour. With the stealth of trained burglars we carried our weapon in its brown paper packet from tree to tree up the road, round two corners to the Major's house. We hid in his big garden wild with huge bushes and trees everywhere. We 'cased' the joint!

Originally we were going to put it on the veranda steps but when we crept onto it, a side door was open a fraction and as the house was dead quiet, we pushed it open and with hearts hammering away a million beats per minute we , can you believe this, put it in the middle of a table. We looked at each other with horror and delight...........our plan for over a year was going to happen........we lit the fuse and RAN.

We were somehow wise enough to scramble through the hedge and lie in the deep ditch for storm water on the far side of the house but close enough to observe. After a minute with our breath getting back to almost normal we thought for a moment that we had failed but then........

KAPOW KABOOM!

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The whole world seemed to explode! The room where we had placed our 'squib' lit up like one enormous fire rocket and we were terrified beyond all imagination. We saw shards of pretty glass from the top part of the door shoot outwards onto the veranda. 

Our overwhelmed bodies were drained of all feeling and we melted helplessly into the long grass of the ditch. Fortunately for us we simply could not move and as two small boys we were well hidden. 

The front door burst open with a huge bang and Major Worthington Smythe shot out onto his front lawn with his sword from his army parade days drawn, its cruel, shining tip glinting in the late afternoon sunshine. He brandished it furiously, red faced and sweating like an athlete. He was puffed up with ANGER like a mad dog and our eyes rolled in our heads with terror and guilt as he plunged the sword into all the bushes screeching "come out you varmints.......I'll get you you monstrous conniptions!"

As the gardener organised the hosepipe and the HooHah was at its peak we began to slither like the reptiles we were, down the ditch until we were out of sight round the corner. We got up and ran, tears and snot streaming, terror and the ghastly thrill of what we had done, threatening to burst our bony young chests.

Somehow we were back on our beds in Archie's house when the phone rang and we heard the serious conversation and exclamations of indignation coming from his dad's study. The news of the disaster swept around the town. Everyone was amazed that no one was arrested for the ghastly crime. 'Bully boys', a gang from the poor side of town were mentioned ...... We held our terrified breaths.......

 We had had the sense to wash our faces and change our shirts so when Archie's mother came into Archie's bedroom, she assumed, dear sweet unsuspecting lady, that some other 'varmints' had perpetrated this vile deed and not her own dear little boy and his evil friend.

Later that week we were dressed in our grey shorts, blazers and caps quietly doing some shopping with Archie's mother when we were confronted by the Major. He should have been able to hear our hearts thundering but he gave us a brief glance, curtly said 'boys,' and turned his oily charm and unwelcome attention on Archie's mother so that she squirmed in embarrassment. She hurried us home. We had obediently raised our little caps like the polite, well brought up boys we weren't and murmured 'good afternoon Major,' our eyes glued on our shoes.

We kept that secret for years, too terrified of the very real consequences if we were ever found out. We were quite sure it would have included jail time. As we grew into responsible men of the town we were so ashamed that the guilt kept us silent even between ourselves.  It was almost as though it had never happened.

When my dad finished telling me this incredible story he hugged me so tightly I could feel his sorrow and remorse over what he and his friend had done. I patted his back to tell him it was okay.

All my life I have kept his advice in mind.........

"Consider carefully the danger you might be inflicting on others and especially the serious consequences of one's actions." I somehow felt that being on MY best behaviour could help make up for the terrible deed he and Charlie perpetrated that long ago day.

Somehow I've never enjoyed anything involving BIG BANG noises, even the starter gun at the beginning of a race.

I took up tennis instead.