Facing Facts: I'm Damned Near 70
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Age is a figment of imagination. Ever since I got into the technical world in 1988 when I was completing my MA in history, I decided to stop discussing my age. I'm not one of those people who pretend to be perpetually 29 or 39. Which is a good thing, because I'm 69.
I'm not a person who slaps on the lipstick. Most times I don't even brush my hair. I have always lived in my mind so the physical aspects of my world never seemed to matter.
When I jumped into the Steemit world, I had to make a conscious decision to be myself. I want to be real here. In my mind and heart, I am ageless. I feel the same passions I felt when I was 23. I have the same dreams. When I am more ready to talk about those dreams and what they look like so long after they emerged, I will.
Today, I am dealing with the first ever sign that things do change over time. I have cataracts. Apparently I am scheduled to have them removed this summer and for a while since I first heard about them last June, I was not that concerned. But they are starting to make life blurry.
It's getting to the point where I can't see shit. I have to crank up the zoom on my computer screen. I have to squint to see the bingo numbers on the big screen across the room. I listen to audiobooks.
But this can be fixed. In a little while, I will have the sight of a 20-year-old and I can shed my glasses for good. I've been wearing them since I was 5.
In the scheme of things, it could be a lot worse. You know how it is when you go through life, your friends all seem to be doing things at the same pace. They meet the right partner, they get married and there are weddings all over the place. This goes on for a year or two or three. Then they have babies. For several years. Baby showers galore. It is a magic time. Then come the divorces and the empty nest syndrome.
If you have seen these life events, you know how it goes. Well, guess what the life events are when you are 70. There are two that immediately come to mind. One is great-grandbabies. Yay. I have one already and another coming in June. The other is...
Your friends start dying.
My friends started dying when I was 14. But the older we get, the more often it happens and every time it feels just as awful. I live in a small community where we all know each other so when anyone dies, we all feel the loss. So here I am trying to pretend that death is something common at any age. Yes, it does happen at any age.
When you're 70, it happens more often and that is one sure way of getting one's attention. I feel somewhat safe because my mother is still alive. Not alive and well, but alive. I want to wrap up with some clever words of wisdom but I don't have any. I fear death and dream about it sometimes. We all know that it is a part of the life cycle but there are always reasons why it won't touch us.
Might as well enjoy the time before it happens to us.
My Previous Posts
What a Liar I Am
Roddie and I Share the Kitchen (SWC)
Who Am I?
Writing an Episodic Novel Day 1
Oh this echoed some of my comment to you - great minds and all. Re the death dreams: I’ve had them before, but not that often. I read that they usually signal death to an old part of your life, and that seemed to be true for me. I had them when my son was born, when my friend died and when I’ve moved. Funny how our subconscious is ticking away in the background, usually we aren’t even aware.
Oh -- I wondered what the death dreams might mean. Well, death to some of the old parts of my life would be nice. I have struggled with that passion vs. money most of my life. Money never motivated me. Never. But friends and family -- some of them anyway -- make such a fuss about money and having the latest and greatest that I would doubt myself. I am hoping that doubt is old part that is dying away.
Oh my, I love reading your posts. You can make anything funny, even death and cataracts and not being able to see shit. Good luck with your surgery (I've known at least 5 people who've had it in the past 6 months so I think it's a great thing to suffer through). You have a wonderful outlook. Enjoy yourself, Joanne. You deserve it!
I keep thinking how sweet it will be to be able to see a friend's face across the room rather than wait until I bump into them.
Quite a philosophical piece, Joanne.
But why not? At our age, we start to get more aware of our impending mortality. So thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I loved your candor. "I want to wrap up with some clever words of wisdom but I don't have any. "
Gary
Tee hee. I never had any clever words of wisdom but now I can pretend that maybe once I did.
Your posts always hit on things that I'm feeling and going through as well. Aging these days is far better than it was 100 years ago. And aren't we luck to be alive at a time when your cataracts can actually be fixed? Have heard wonderful results from other friends who have had that taken care of.
A friend told me her husband had his surgery 6 months ago and he is still enthusing about the definition of the things he can see. And the colors, oh the colors.
Thanks for being real, Joanne. And I'll be praying your cataract surgery goes well. My Dad had two and they both went well.
Loved the wisdom of your entire post.... there was absolutely no need for any special wrap-up. ;)
Already resteemed and I'm on a mission to FB and/or tweet Steemit posts from now on to get my peeps over here, so adding yours to today's.
Thank you! Oh yes, I want my peeps here.
Though I'm not heading to 70 I feel your pain about not being able to see shit! I find myself continually squinting to see things then giving up when I find it impossible lol
I can hardly wait for the surgery but I wonder how that will work out. I can't bear to put contact lenses in my eyes. And I am so grateful this is something that can be fixed easily enough!