STRESS - The HAPPINESS KILLER
“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.” ― Steve Maraboli
STRESS - THE HAPPINESS KILLER
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Over the last few years, I have become acutely aware of how stress literally sucks the happiness and passion out of a person. You can take the most resilient and driven individual and place them under continued and severe stress, and the outcome is almost a different person entirely.
Not only does the passion and happiness vaporise from their character like a thief in the night but everything else about them changes too… their behaviour, moods… ALL OF IT!
I have had many conversations with my dad about stress over the last few years and I think there comes a time and stage in your life when you realise that it simply isn’t worth it anymore. Sacrificing everything of yourself, killing yourself on a daily basis, lowering the quality of your lifestyle in general, all… mostly… for MONEY! Sadly, though – the reality is that most of us don’t feel like we have a choice, but to subject ourselves to these insanely overloaded levels of stress, as we need to provide. We need to put food on the table, pay bills and a million other little boxes that need to be checked.
But, I am not so sure I agree with that thought process anymore… I think we all DO have a choice and if a life of quality is something that you want, then perhaps intermittent sacrifice is necessary in order to achieve it, but at some point there should be a time cut off. Either you are successful in your endeavor to achieve something or you need to accept the fact that it is not working and you either need to reassess the process, or try something different.
The thing however, is that most people give and give and give, moving in circles in an endless and fruitless pattern and then one day, when they are completely depleted and there is nothing left of themselves, they snap – and then it all falls apart anyway…
Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we allow it to get to such a point? Why don’t we have the sense to see how all of it is literally ROBBING us of “ourselves” and our “life” – and then start taking steps towards changing it?! Obviously I realise the realities of life come into play for everyone… but even in the tightest and most seemingly impossible situations, a way can be made to change things, if the desire is truly there.
We spend a huge percentage of the time in our lives working, thinking about work, planning for work… so on and so forth. One day, we will look again – 20 years will have passed and we will be standing in the same spot, feeling even more frustrated, stagnant and stressed than we were when we started - and to my mind, that is just simply SUCH a waste of the life you have been afforded. Severe stress will literally strip all the things of value from your life…. Taking away the time to enjoy all the things that ACTUALLY matter in our time here… like time with your kids, family and friends. Moments to sit back, put your feet up and enjoy a sunset… taking a walk on the beach with your dogs, cooking at leisure, travelling, meeting new people – oh the list goes on and on!!!!
We are supposed to be adding enrichment to our lives as we get older… not the opposite, yet as modern society changes and the demands on all of us increase, it definitely seems to be moving in the wrong direction for many.
I realise that my words don’t carry much weight in terms of ACTUAL PHYSICAL change in other people’s lives, but I do hope that they at the very least plant the seed of change! Each and every one of us can achieve absolutely ANYTHING we put our minds to and I really think people should put focus on reducing stress levels, adding quality and finding a healthy balance between the two.
“Where'd the days go, when all we did was play? And the stress that we were under wasn't stress at all just a run and a jump into a harmless fall” ― Paolo Nutini
No amount of money can ever replace all the moments that slip passed you whilst you are so consumed with all your stresses…
I read this quote once by Helen Keller and it truly resonated with me and illustrates precisely what I am attempting to outline here, so I thought I would share it with you.
“I began my studies with eagerness. Before me I saw a new world opening in beauty and light, and I felt within me the capacity to know all things. In the wonderland of Mind I should be as free as another [with sight and hearing]. Its people, scenery, manners, joys, and tragedies should be living tangible interpreters of the real world. The lecture halls seemed filled with the spirit of the great and wise, and I thought the professors were the embodiment of wisdom... But I soon discovered that college was not quite the romantic lyceum I had imagined. Many of the dreams that had delighted my young inexperience became beautifully less and "faded into the light of common day." Gradually I began to find that there were disadvantages in going to college. The one I felt and still feel most is lack of time. I used to have time to think, to reflect, my mind and I. We would sit together of an evening and listen to the inner melodies of the spirit, which one hears only in leisure moments when the words of some loved poet touch a deep, sweet chord in the soul that until then had been silent. But in college there is no time to commune with one's thoughts. One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think. When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures – solitude, books and imagination – outside with the whispering pines. I suppose I ought to find some comfort in the thought that I am laying up treasures for future enjoyment, but I am improvident enough to prefer present joy to hoarding riches against a rainy day.” ― Helen Keller
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Is so awesome to find more people with the same mentality. Your post is absolutely correct. I wish more people realize about this to make their lives a life they kike to live. Peace. Resteemed pretty.
Thank you so much for the positive love and for the support hon!!!! and YES!!! and YAY!!!! it is ALWAYS lovely to meet people of like mind!!!! Thrilled it resonated with you xx
Stress is a silent killer @jaynie... just my opinion.
This is an awesome post and I'm just going to resteem it, in place of stressing over a very similar post I had been working on (OK, that was just a half-joke...)
But why do we end up in those stress places? "Stories," right? Stories we tell ourselves about what we "must" and "have to" do in order to have something in our worlds. And the stories are mostly lies because they aren't actually our own stories; they are cultural and societal hand-me-downs we've convinced ourselves are true.
"When I have XYZ-- or I have accomplished XYZ-- then things will be better!" we tell ourselves.
There's nothing wrong with having goals and stuff... that's not the point. The point is that "if only" thinking removes us from the present moment and puts our thoughts out somewhere in the future... and starts the worry about everything that must happen before that future arrives. Meanwhile, all our bandwidth is "out there" somewhere, and we forget just how absolutely awesome and perfect it is to just sit on the back porch for an hour, watching the sun paint a masterpiece with clouds as it sinks below the horizon.
We give "money" too much power... we forget that it is merely a "thing" that allows us a moment of respite. Frankly, I enjoy the hell out of going back to Denmark for a 3-week visit now and then, but all told it's a $5K trip and if I start the thought platform that I "must" do it because it is SO much better than taking a camping trip on the coast here? The "stress clock" starts. The joy gets sucked right out of life.
For me, that's where the Buddhist "non-attachment" comes in. It's OK to want and wish and plan and hope... but letting go of the idea that something "must" happen also releases me from stress.
Sorry, I ended up blogging on your blog!
THAT... right there.... is the nail on the head!
WATCH SUNSETS @jaynie! Always remember to watch sunsets...
you see plenty of these no doubt :) lol
That post was the right thing that I needed in this moment. Amazing, thank you so much for that. And that quote will be on my desktop .
Thank you Jaynie for the good vibes.
hahahaha awesome! Glad to know!!!!! what an adorable little man..... your little boy?
Michael, year and a half and Stefan 5 years old . My boys.
My reason to be strong. How old is your son ? :)
very nice post @jaynie Resteemed
Thank you love. The support is greatly appreciated xxx
I have this talk with myself a lot. Debt can't kill you, and being happy is literally the most important thing about this life. If you're constantly burdened by how you feel or what you do, do something different. Have the strength to give yourself what you want in life, don't suffer from weakness.
beautifully said @mpotter xxxxx
Absolutely adore that Helen Keller quote! She's always had a special place in my heart.
I'd like to add this to your list of ways to reduce stress - if you're feeling overwhelmed, grab the nearest book and spend sometime de-stressing with it! 😉
My mom would hug you for this comment hehehe! She is MASSIVE bookworm! and yes it is a wonderful de-stresser.... although sadly, these days I get three lines in and then I fall asleep lol
Please tell your mom hello from another confirmed, lifelong bibliophile! 📚 💖
Will do ;)
Thank you @jaynie, so glad to have found you (through a resteem in one of the steemians I Follow) You're truly spot on as stress is a life killer. I know in some regards when it is more Anxiety it can be really debilitating as well and sometimes out of our control. i.e brain chemicals, mental illness etc.etc..
But with general stress we all have the control to...well control it lol !! I have come into doing "Mindfulness" the last 6 years or so, and it has been very effective. Anyway, thanks again for you insightful post :)
Really glad you found that this piece resonated with you @robertandrew. And yes, agreed - being mindful is of GREAT value in a persons life.
Stress and Anxiety sadly go hand in hand most of the time...
Thank you for the lovely comment and taking the time to read x
Great article! Stress is such an important theme. I believe many people are in real pain (muscles and headaches) without even realizing it's because they don't take their time to relax and breathe. I've been stressed myself, and had a little break down with spasms and muscle aches. It made me realize what is important and what is not, where I should focus my time and were I should not. Being aware is important in order to avoid being stressed and unhappy! :) Helen
That is so very true @helenmunch - so many of peoples physical ailments are actually spinoffs from the stress they endure and it simply is NOT worth it!
Definitely not worth it!
Awesome and well written, Thanks for sharing this informative post @jaynie
Thanks hon :) Appreciate the feedback x
What if one looks back on one's own life a little differently? Not as wasted lifetime, caused by too much stress. What if you consider your own experiences of painful nature as necessary and valuable.
In the treadmill of a professional/private everyday life: Is there 24/7 permanent stress? I would think: No. How about you extracting what isn't considered wasted and take a closer look at it? The depressive phase or the life crisis as a learning experience and opportunity. The sixty hour week as an expression of potential and strength. The pointless conversations at parties or meetings as a pretty good customization performance. And so on. What do you mean, isn't that a good way to connote the experiences in life differently?
Your example is very common and I thank you for bringing it up. I recognize many of my acquaintances and myself in it.
My theory on this is a lack of gratitude for what you get back by giving. If I offer myself as if I were sacrificing myself in my giving, I have no chance of seeing that those who benefited from my gifts would also give me something back. I might just not have seen it. I was too busy making it right and perfect everywhere that I didn't realize how beautiful it is to receive something and consider it as valuable.
I hear your point, but cannot say that I entirely agree with you.
I believe firmly that everything in life is of value, both the positive experiences as well as the ones which we may consider negative on some level, and yes there is opportunity for gratitude in every situation. But seeing the value of a situation is not really what I am referring to.
You can understand the lesson and be grateful for it, but allowing things to get to a point of pysical, mental or emotional demise, is not good.
I hold gratitude and thanks for everything I have experienced in my life, so no - what I express is most definitely not an illustration for lack of gratitude.
I know that I have walked precisely the path I needed to thus far, and have been blessed with many life lessons along the way, but that does not mean I should remain in a situation that no longer feeds my soul.... this does not make me ungrateful, it makes me AWARE.
Thanks for your insightful comment :)
I appreciate your reply:)
Maybe you found my comment a bit "thrown in" as I did not greet nor was thanking you for sharing your thoughts. I do that sometimes when I feel like I am engaging in a dialogue and just forget the rest. I'll make up for it now: Thank you for addressing this topic, which I find of great importance.
The first part of my comment was referring to what you said:
I deal professionally with people on a regular basis who show this regret in their present lifes. In order to be of help, I re-frame the evaluated past with my client and ask them those questions I formulated above. This helps in the present to not focus on the wasted lifetime but look at what was NOT wasted. It is to become better in the now and as far as I can tell, I had good results in asking that way.
You can say that this part of my comment is for people who already might regret their past and may find extracting what was of value supportive. Does that make sense to you?
Just see me as someone who added another matter to what you offered: as far as I understood, you gave me an outlook on the present and the future without leading a stressful life.
The second part of my reply included an experience and observation in myself and people I know. The lack of gratitude as one factor of opposing stress. To make more clear what I mean: I know people who want to make things perfect and to be perfect in any imaginable way. This includes to serve everyones needs as "perfection" needs people who praise what is done perfectly. In doing so, there is little space to even notice what IS indeed coming back from people.
I would like to come up with an example: Did you make the experience to throw a party, to get so stressed about everything, the food, the decoration, cleaning the house, arranging the interior and so on, that you were not able to take gracefully the many "thank you's" and "what a great party" compliments from the guests? That is what I meant. To be eaten up by the demand for perfection.
Good day for you :-) and greetings from Germany