RE: STRESS - The HAPPINESS KILLER
What if one looks back on one's own life a little differently? Not as wasted lifetime, caused by too much stress. What if you consider your own experiences of painful nature as necessary and valuable.
In the treadmill of a professional/private everyday life: Is there 24/7 permanent stress? I would think: No. How about you extracting what isn't considered wasted and take a closer look at it? The depressive phase or the life crisis as a learning experience and opportunity. The sixty hour week as an expression of potential and strength. The pointless conversations at parties or meetings as a pretty good customization performance. And so on. What do you mean, isn't that a good way to connote the experiences in life differently?
The thing however, is that most people give and give and give and give, moving in circles in an endless and fruitless pattern and then one day, when they are completely depleted and there is nothing left of themselves, they snap - and then it all falls apart anyway...
Your example is very common and I thank you for bringing it up. I recognize many of my acquaintances and myself in it.
My theory on this is a lack of gratitude for what you get back by giving. If I offer myself as if I were sacrificing myself in my giving, I have no chance of seeing that those who benefited from my gifts would also give me something back. I might just not have seen it. I was too busy making it right and perfect everywhere that I didn't realize how beautiful it is to receive something and consider it as valuable.
I hear your point, but cannot say that I entirely agree with you.
I believe firmly that everything in life is of value, both the positive experiences as well as the ones which we may consider negative on some level, and yes there is opportunity for gratitude in every situation. But seeing the value of a situation is not really what I am referring to.
You can understand the lesson and be grateful for it, but allowing things to get to a point of pysical, mental or emotional demise, is not good.
I hold gratitude and thanks for everything I have experienced in my life, so no - what I express is most definitely not an illustration for lack of gratitude.
I know that I have walked precisely the path I needed to thus far, and have been blessed with many life lessons along the way, but that does not mean I should remain in a situation that no longer feeds my soul.... this does not make me ungrateful, it makes me AWARE.
Thanks for your insightful comment :)
I appreciate your reply:)
Maybe you found my comment a bit "thrown in" as I did not greet nor was thanking you for sharing your thoughts. I do that sometimes when I feel like I am engaging in a dialogue and just forget the rest. I'll make up for it now: Thank you for addressing this topic, which I find of great importance.
The first part of my comment was referring to what you said:
I deal professionally with people on a regular basis who show this regret in their present lifes. In order to be of help, I re-frame the evaluated past with my client and ask them those questions I formulated above. This helps in the present to not focus on the wasted lifetime but look at what was NOT wasted. It is to become better in the now and as far as I can tell, I had good results in asking that way.
You can say that this part of my comment is for people who already might regret their past and may find extracting what was of value supportive. Does that make sense to you?
Just see me as someone who added another matter to what you offered: as far as I understood, you gave me an outlook on the present and the future without leading a stressful life.
The second part of my reply included an experience and observation in myself and people I know. The lack of gratitude as one factor of opposing stress. To make more clear what I mean: I know people who want to make things perfect and to be perfect in any imaginable way. This includes to serve everyones needs as "perfection" needs people who praise what is done perfectly. In doing so, there is little space to even notice what IS indeed coming back from people.
I would like to come up with an example: Did you make the experience to throw a party, to get so stressed about everything, the food, the decoration, cleaning the house, arranging the interior and so on, that you were not able to take gracefully the many "thank you's" and "what a great party" compliments from the guests? That is what I meant. To be eaten up by the demand for perfection.
Good day for you :-) and greetings from Germany