The Futility of "Impressing" Anyone But Yourself

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IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (Meaning: My Warped, Personal Opinions and Musings)

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From the Author:

Salutations.

I am JaiChai.

And if I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you before, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance now.

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I invite you to interact with everyone, learn, and have as much fun as possible!

For my returning online friends, "It's always great to see you again!"

Just A Couple Beers

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The text read: "Hey buddy. Going to the bar. Stop by and shoot the shit. First round's on me."

I replied with: "Sure. Be there in 30 min."

Usually, I shy away from such invitations; mainly because I either was in the middle of something or had already made plans.

But as fate would have it, I had neither at the moment.

All of my routine tasks and extra "To Do" things were completed - and astonishingly earlier than I'd expected.

A Bit Early

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I am habitually early for any scheduled event that I promise to attend.

It's an ingrained habit from my military career; where if one was late, it resulted in physical or financial pain (e.g., late for morning muster or missing ship's movement).

In other words, in some cases, being late can result in Captain's Mast or a Courts Martial.

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And as I got older and moved up the ranks, I realized that being late was interpreted as a sign of disrespect to another human being. If the person was your superior, there was usually Hell to pay.

Just the fact that someone is late, in a way, shows me that he feels that his time is more valuable than mine.

Basically, in regards to me and my time, his actions are saying...

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This is why I make it a point to be early. Even if I think I might be late, I text ahead of time - NOT after I'm already late.

So, you can say that tardiness is one of my pet peeves.

But since I live in Asia - where tardiness is a cultural phenomena, I have to bite my lip and hold my tongue almost daily!

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Waiting for Rob

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Upon arriving at the bar early and not seeing my friend, I asked the bartender, "Hey Man, you seen Rob today?"

"Good to see you Jaichai. And nope. I haven't seen him - yet. But I'm sure he'll show up soon 'cause it's way past 'Beer-Thirty' in the afternoon for him!"

"OK. Thanks. And I'll have the usual..."

While waiting for my beer, I notice that another customer - a white, gray haired, mid-to-late 60'ish man, strolling over to me. He held out his hand and said, "I'm waiting for Rob too. My name is Joe. How ya doin'?"

I shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Joe. I am JaiChai."

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"JaiChai?! He blurted. "Rob talks about you all the time. He says, and I quote, 'Jaichai is brainy, benevolent, but can be bloody lethal too'!"

"Well, I haven't seen Rob in ages, and knowing Rob, whatever he said is probably exaggerated and outdated," I said.

Then it happened.

For the next 15 minutes before Rob finally shows up, I sat there and listened to Joe talk about himself.

He struck me as a braggart and most of what he said sounded more like his resume - probably fictitious - than actual conversation between two guys at a bar.

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Attention Hounds

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Pankaj Gupta said,

‘‘It is normal as a human being to want to look good, and having a successful life; however, many indulge in these things to get approval from others be it their friends and/ or family and it can also include people that one doesn’t even know.’’

"Some reasons why people behave the way they do may be they feel insecure, less confident about themselves and always trying to prove a point of nothing in the real sense."

Impressing other people should always be a side-effect of the way you live life, not the main goal. Aside from losing integrity, putting impressiveness first has other dangers. One is that it is harder to stay motivated if the reasons are only superficial.

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When Rob finally arrived, we had one beer together, and both listened while Joe kept droning on and on...

After 30 minutes, I said I had to leave.

Rob, who was already caught in the "Let me tell you about myself" trap of Joe, just waived at me and gave me the "call me later" gesture.

On my way home I thought about these things:

It's futile to fuss with "impressing" anyone.

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Doing so wreaks of insecurity.

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Whatever the context, just be yourself - even if you're having a bad day at that time.

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Why?

Because If someone can tolerate your worst, it's just that much sweeter for them when you eventually come back to normal.

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And let's face it, sooner or later, any facade will eventually crumble and reveal your true self - not to mention that it's a royal pain in the ass to maintain it.

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In other words, "Frontin' just be a waste of time, energy, and a Hell of a lot of cheddar!"

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Be yourself, nothing more, nothing less.

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You will earn more respect with authenticity than with hollow, insincere platitudes.

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In Summary:

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• It's foolish to get trapped in an obsessive need for recognition.

• Always seeking the approval of others keeps you from seeking approval from yourself first.

• If you find yourself needing social recognition, it is time to pause and take stock of your amount of self-esteem.

• When you try to impress others, the end result is often more emptiness.

• Chasing after recognition nullifies your capacity for self-fulfillment.

Parting Shot

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By JaiChai

Mighty Kind of You for stopping by.

Truly hope to see you again!

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About the Author

Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic.

In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he performed high altitude, free-fall parachute jumps and hazardous diving ops in deep, open ocean water.

After 24 years of active duty, he retired in Asia.

Since then, he's been a full-time, single papa and actively pursuing his varied passions (Writing, Disruptive Technology, Computer Science and Cryptocurrency - plus more hobbies too boring or bizarre for most folk).

He lives on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.

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(More articles by JaiChai can be found on the Busy.org website. Use this link to visit Busy.org. Better yet, come join the Busy.org community!)

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"My mind was a terrible thing to waste..." - JaiChai