Life Changes and Asking for Help

in #life7 years ago

Sometimes its tough asking for help.

Pictured below is a favorite rock of mine. Its been a family favorite place for years. But this time I was alone. As I climbed up on top of it I already questioned the wisdom as getting back down looked more problematic than it had in years past. The way to climb is on the other side of the rock from what is shown in the picture.
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It was still relatively early and not that many people were around. So once I was on top I sat and enjoyed the quiet and solitude for a while. I reminisced about when the kids were younger, when my marriage wasn't in a shambles, stuff like that. Oh, and was on the lookout for moose. No luck there.

When I decided it was time to leave I looked down the rock face again and tried to figure out how I was going to manage. It was slipperier than I remembered. It was higher than I remembered. I was worried my knee would give out if I landed too hard. I needed my hands, but was holding my phone. I had to have my phone so I could take this picture.
I really did not want to get wet. That is really cold water.

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I tried putting my foot one way and then the other. Its taken a few years, but I have learned that safety is key. My body gets injured so easily and I needed to drive all the way home myself. I began assessing the small number of people heading out on the nearby trail. Who would I ask to come assist me? Ugh! This is so embarrassing! I want to be powerful Sarah! Not old helpless lady who shouldn't have climbed the damn rock. I mean I used to be able to jump over six meters back in the day! But that was a long time ago now.

My husband, (or rather the person who will at some point be my ex), always chided me for climbing rocks and other places I couldn't get down by myself. He wasn't one to be there offering assistance in a pleasant manner should I need it. He just didn't want me to do 'stupid' things. So of course I insist on doing them anyway. Once I was stuck for almost an hour in Arches National Park but refused to call for help. I kept hoping one of my girls would make him go back for me. That's another story.

Finally a nice group of youngish people walked not too far away. They didn't seem rushed. Three young men and a woman. I called out. "Hey there! Do you mind giving me a hand?" They immediately responded leaving the trail and heading over. "Stuck?" One asked. "Yep." I said. "I think its just that I need someone to take my phone so that I can use my hands." One of them hopped up on the rock like it was the front step of his house. (Major inward sigh 😔). He took my phone and I managed to get down myself, with him watching me from one of the stepping rocks below. Making sure I didn't slip. He offered his hand to help me all the way. That was a major moment of indecision. As a rule, my entire life I was the girl who did not need a hand from a boy to do anything. And I did not need his hand to walk over those little rocks. But...I accepted. This meant something. Acceptance perhaps? One little step in my journey to making peace with myself that my body and my life are changing. With or without my permission. Things change. But it was also about being polite. They were all very nice and friendly. I felt that accepting that extra bit of unnecessary assistance was also a way of showing my appreciation to these kind strangers. Because when a gift is offered, sometimes it is best to accept with the same kindness.

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The mantra of my tribe, the Hessen, is
"Mer wolle nix, abber mer gebbe aach nix!"
which translates to "We want nothing, but we also give nothing!"
So for many years I wanted to do everything alone, always having difficulties asking my friends for help.
But nowadays I realize that if you don´t ask people for help,
you deny them the opportunity to do something for themselves,
because they will feel so much better after they helped you.
I am no fan of Mother Theresa, but one of her quotes I really like.
Refering to those poor, dying people in her place, she said:
"Don´t they give us so much more than we give them?"

I love what you wrote here @likedeeler 💕

This! is what I was sort of trying to say when I said the youngins got to feel good too. but you did it so much better wise soul.

i relate to this so much. In my head I feel like im the same me I was at 30 but i'm 50 and with a slew of painful health issues that I don't talk about often. Ive been deemed disabled since I was 35. I look fine. But inside it hurts. And I cant do what I used to do. A short walk feels like a real accomplishment some days. I have learned some good coping mechanisms that have helped me greatly not only in dealing with the pain and lack of ability to do what I used to do, but it helped stop an endless cycle of depression and anxiety that I lived with for far too long. Chronic illness just feeds off such things. Im happier now than I ever was despite the health hurdles. For me it was all about how I perceived things in my mind. And having the ability to quiet my mind acknowledge the pain but not feed it. Anyway I am rambling off topic.

Great post. You know you made those youngins feel good too don't forget that. They got to do a good deed and feel good about it.

I have a favorite rock that has been by this creek since I was a child. The Ohlone indians would leech acorns on it and skin their hide. It was well worn. I was devastated to find it in pieces a few weeks ago. The storms last winter caused a landslide and somehow this giant stone was in pieces.

Tim, I am enjoying your comments so much. Thank you for taking the time to write and share.
So sorry about your favorite rock :(

Beautiful story on so many levels. I'm glad you got down to tell it. Upvoted and resteemed!
This brings to mind a Melanie song...

Lovely Gideon! Thank you for this. There really seems to be a song for everything doesn't there?

Aw, sounds like you just needed to know you 're not alone facing your challenges, right? I do too. Nothing wrong in accepting a hand, even if the road is not so rocky anymore and if you really needed to, you could walk by yourself.

I really needed to get off that rock, lol! I was thankful it was mostly needing someone to grab my phone. I should wear a sports bra every time I hike. Phones fit in there better. Asking for help wasn't so bad in the end :)

Finally the best word for wife/husband
"or rather the person who will at some point be my ex"
LOL

Glad you enjoyed that @bubke What can I say, life is complicated. Humor helps, lol!

It's actually a very apt metaphor for marriage, this story, the rock... I guess you noticed that.

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