How I know I'm bisexual

in life •  2 years ago

Early on in my time here, I wrote about sex and sexuality. I shared that I am bisexual, and someone popped up in a comment and asked me how I know. The assumption was that it is "normal" to be heterosexual but abnormal to be bisexual. It was also heavily implied that my sexuality is an active choice I make rather than a state of being.

Um, no.

I know I like men because I have always liked men. I had crush after crush growing up on boys and then men who torched my mind and body with desire.

I know I like women because I have always liked women. I had crush after crush growing up on girls and then women who torched my mind and body with desire.

I can't remember not liking men or women. What I do clearly recall is receiving the message that wanting to be with another woman was bad. So I stuffed that info about myself deep down where it was extremely hard to access and went on with my life until my early thirties when one day I started having sex dreams about a female friend of mine.

For awhile I wondered whether I might be a lesbian who had actually forced herself to like men because liking women would have seen me homeless after a severe beating. At the time, I didn't greatly enjoy sex because I was never honest with myself about what I wanted from it. I was afraid of my body. It makes sense. I was taught that my interest in women's bodies was bad and had applied that to my own.

One day I decided to follow the fantasy instead of shoving it aside. I allowed myself to imagine being with a woman. If it hadn't been clear that was what I wanted, it now was. It also became clear that I wanted men too. The areas of my sex life I'd thought were broken began to repair. Sex became fun and desirable. I was lit up from the inside, and I was aroused all the time because, oh my god, there are women everywhere. I suddenly had an intense understanding of what it is like to be a teen boy.

My sexuality is not aberrant, fabricated or wrong. It just is. I was born this way and I am okay with it. My response to being asked how I know I'm bisexual is how do you know you're not? Is it because someone told you or because your body told you? Maybe reflect on how you know your own truths before debating someone else's.

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love this post of yours. and yes, sexuality is never a choice. it is a part of us.


My parents are unaware of my sexuality. I thought once I might tell my mother, but she waxes on and on about how homosexuality is a "sinful choice" and how sad she is about people condemning themselves. I think this is a way for her to feel better about herself for her own perceived shortcomings.


I guess ignorance is the word here. That's how many people would react to things that they don't know or fear.

It was an almost similar situation for myself. But when I finally came out, it became a normal thing to my parents once they understood what it means to be gay and how I am still their son.

I've always wondered if people who question other's sexuality are doing it because they are confused about themselves.


I have wondered this as well. There is a cultural trope that the fear and resulting hatred of homosexuality is the result of a fear of what one will find in oneself. Whether this is true, I don't know. Certainly it is for some. We are accustomed to fear and hate in place of curiosity and understanding.

Nice post!
Wanted to add some cute lesbian video here, but I guess #nsfw will not be enough :D
Happy bisexual Halloween @honeyscribe!


HAHAHA! Happy Halloween to you too, @richman.

That IS a funny question, isn't it? It's like someone asking how you know if you love someone. You just feel it and know! I am bisexual too. I've not been comfortable being very open about it until lately, so I've not suffered this silly question like you have. But I've always felt attraction to both sexes. I never fought it or thought it was wrong. I thought it was unusual and that many others would think it wrong and therefore it was something I should hide when I was young, but now bisexuality seems so natural to me that I wonder how someone could only BE attracted to one sex or the other! Not that I think heterosexuality or homosexuality is wrong, but I can just hardly relate to the limitation in finding beauty and attraction. Thanks for posting this and being so open.


You know what? Being binary seems odd to me now as well. Not that I consider myself more "evolved" or anything. I just feel very natural in my skin. Thank you for reading and sharing your experience!

Normally, I'm not fond of your posts but I liked this one.
Sadly, I am not bi myself as it would be great to have twice as much people to choose from :-)
Anyhow, I do not consider myself neither male nor female according to what is considered feminine or masculine in our culture. Genderpunk is what I call myself.
Btw, I recommend the movie La Vie d'Adele. Once of the best LGBTQ films I have seen. Boys Don't Cry is quite good too. If you have not seen them yet.


@logic, I'm glad I hit the mark for you. I like that term, "genderpunk." I consider myself femme, but growing up I felt nonbinary for much of childhood. I didn't fit into male or female--rather was forced in. I'll have to watch both of those films. I haven't seen La Vie d'Adele, although I'm wondering if that is a film I started and then lost track of. Thank you for commenting.


I'm sure that you will enjoy them :-)
Quite tear squeezers at some points, though.

If you're curious, try it out today. If you like it, you can do it again tomorrow.


So you get offended when people ask you "how do you know", but then you go on about wondering whether or not you were a lesbian? See a little inconsistency here?

Bi is the way to go especially in bed! I’m male and bi it was fun in my younger days!

😁👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Yay! Thank you for this post.