First Timers
Something that's been on my mind is first times. Well no, not like that, though like that, too. This is about first times, in general, you know?
First times of anything. The first time you went to Paris, the first time you met someone who was really great, the first time you had sex, the first time you saw a really good band live or read a fascinating book.
All those things, they were priceless.
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So, why do we so desperately try to recreate them? Why are we so crazy about feeling that again? I mean, it's obvious we can't. That's what made these moments unique and special and everything. The fact there would never be something like that again.
People generally try to go back and easily get stuck in loops. We felt great at so-and-so hotel for our holiday last year, so why not go back this year? And sure, it's a little less nice, but it's still a pretty decent experience. And the next year, you go back again and it's even less nice. And so on.
Humans are creatures of habit and once we've found something we like, we tend to stick to it. Even when we don't like it as much anymore.
It's the same with relationships - not all, but many. Deep down, there is the question 'why can't it be as nice as it was three years ago when we first started going out?'.
Well, because it doesn't work that way. Most things in this world are great because they're new and because you've never done them before. There's all this adrenaline that comes with your first time. There are exceptions (like sex, ironically), but many things just can't be as good as they once were.
Experiences.
You went to see a band you always wanted to see and they were great and it was the night of a lifetime. Well, exactly. It can't be the "nights of a lifetime". That's not how we say it, is it? And the next time you go, you won't be as excited, you'll already kinda know the set and everything. But you keep going, because of that first time that was just so wonderful.
When you could break the chain and go out and try new things. Except most of us are afraid, because what if we never find something as nice again? At least now, we can kid ourselves into thinking we're having a great time. Most experiences are good for you precisely because they're on a time limit. You live it, you learn from it and then you move on.
You've learned what you could from it and no, going back won't magically add new things for you to discover. Let go. Be grateful for what you found and ave the power to move on.
You can't live in a loop. You can't do the same thing year in, year out and expect to grow.
Thank you for reading,
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Doing the same thing and hoping for the same experience is certainly going to disappoint, but there is also an opposite side to this that I've observed. My mum is always wanting to experience new things for that first time excitement and is constantly looking for that greener grass. Unfortunately, she's developed her own loop of constantly looking for the perfect life. The first time excitement wears off quicker each time and she's never found contentment with anything. She wants it all and she's wants it now and is pushing everyone away from her. She's left my dad, bought herself a new house away from us all and is still searching for the elusive "it" which will make her life happy.
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I'm sorry, that doesn't sound like a great way to live. I agree, trying to keep the high permanently does develop into its own loop, sadly. I think that's what makes new experiences so great, you know, that they take you out of the ordinary. You can't have them everyday, because then that's your ordinary, and then what? :)
Thank you for pointing this out :)
Going back to favourite places can hold different meanings as life goes by. Exploring Paris, for example, will be a different experience, generally, for an 18 year old than when that same person goes back as a 48 year old. People and places change which is why people go back to where they felt happiest. Going back to a place can also bring comfort. That's why people go to graveyards to visit dead people.
So, maybe revisiting the same place at a later date isn't quite loop-living but creating new experience's in familiar places and experiencing things from a different perspective.
I guess only time could uncover the truth of that for an individual.
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We have very different ideas about time, it seems :) See, I was thinking more like every year or even more often than that, not like thirty :)) Still, guess it depends on what the individual finds that relates to their own experience and life.
Ah I see. Well, humans are largely creatures of habit I suppose. Everyone's an individual though and does what they see as the right thing based on what they know.
Going to the same beach house for vacation year in year out isn't something I'd do but I know people who have, for years.
I prefer a little variety...It was a good post though.
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I tend to agree with galenkp on this. As you grow older your perspective changes and you can discover something different in a place or experience you have visited before. After a gap of twelve years, my wife and I revisited a part of the country where we used to live. This time we didn't have children in tow and we could do different things as well as looking at the place through the lens of twelve years of other experiences.
You are right though honeydue about doing different things in order to grow. I did my first horse riding lesson at the age of 60 a couple of weeks ago and threw myself out of a plane a few years back - with a parachute on I hasten to add! Things like this all add richness to one's life.
Thanks for the post and I look forward to reading more.
That's so cool, I've always wanted to do the parachute thing :) Was it as awesome as it looks? :) Thanks, by the way.
As I told Galen, it really depends what one means by "some time passing" - personally, I was thinking more like a year or so, maybe just a few months even. Of course, going back somewhere after a long time will be different because you're a different person. But I was thinking more short-term. :)
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