Today, on the way home from work, a car cut me off.

It tastes like... anger!

Ten years ago, I would have sworn, made a "nice" hand gesture and honked.

Twenty years ago, I may have even followed the other driver to make sure I could really let him know what I thought of his stupid, horrible, inconsiderate and evil driving.

You see, I used to be a very angry and negative person. If someone cut me off, I immediately assumed that they had done this for one of four reasons:

1. They were an idiot
2. They were a terrible driver
3. They were inconsiderate
4. They were evil and wanted to ruin my day

More often than not, I figured it was a combination of one of the first three plus the fourth. Clearly, everyone else in the world was a serious asshole out to ruin my life. My natural knee jerk reaction was to believe the worst about people... or at least adults (I have always had far more patience with kids).

But today, after being cut off, I calmly went about my business and hoped that the other driver would enjoy the rest of his drive home.

Have a nice day! (I used to end that with "asshole"... but not anymore)

What changed?

I'm sure age has helped. Not only am I a little more calm in general, my brain is better equipped to weigh the risks vs rewards of any situation as compared to my 25 year old brain (scientists believe that the decision making portion of the human brain isn't fully formed until around age 25).

I'm all growns up, all growns up, all growns up! I can make decisions now!

But there is a more precise reason for my change in attitude.

Why did I stop assuming the worst about people?

About ten years ago, I took a class on the effects of stress on students. We learned a lot about test anxiety and students' general fear of failure and embarrassment.

Although these were all valuable lessons, one story my professor told will stay with me forever. I share it with my students every year. It is a story about the importance of avoiding immediately assuming the worst about someone.

Here is what he said...

One day, he was on the train coming home from work. It was the end of a very long and hot day for most of the passengers. None of the people on the crowded train were making small talk or even eye contact. These cranky commuters simply couldn't wait to get home.

Two young children stood in the middle of the small group of people who were unable to find a seat. The approximately 10 year old boy and 8 year old girl began to get louder and louder as they pushed and shoved each other. First one, then the other bumped into the nearby adults... who were just minding their own business. Sometimes the kids laughed other times they yelled in anger. Either way, their noises were incredibly annoying to everyone on the train.

At one point, the girl called to her father who was sitting on one of the hot, grimy seats. Instead of responding, he continued to stare blankly ahead.

As the train made its scheduled stops, some lucky passengers were granted relief from this torturous ride. As they exited the train, they glared at the inattentive father. Some mumbled under their breath as the hurried out the doors.

Finally, one heroic person had reached his limit. This sweat drenched and uncomfortably dressed man approached the father and said, "What the hell is your problem? Don't you care about your kids? Don't you care about the other people on this train? You are teaching those kids to be jerks just like you."

Several people on the train smiled. Others gave a big fist pump as they nodded at their hero.

Yes! That is exactly what I was about to do! Get him commuter train hero!

Then the father spoke.

His expressionless face did not change. His voice trembled as he said, "I am so sorry. You are right. Normally they aren't like this. They are great kids... but we just left the hospital. My wife died a couple of hours ago. I don't know what I'm going to do."

The smiles all faded. The fists that were previously clenched in victory relaxed. The nodding heads stopped and slumped toward the floor.

The "hero" feebly said... no... begged, "I am so sorry. I did not know. I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"

No.

There was nothing anyone could do to help. This man had lost his wife. His children had lost their mother.

And an entire train had lost their patience... without ever asking a single question.

They all just assumed the worst.

The other passengers' loss seemed pretty insignificant now.

Why didn't they start with asking "Is everything ok?" or even "Why are you letting your kids do that?"

Even the second question would have been better than immediately jumping to negative conclusions about the heartbroken man.

Why didn't they start with a question instead of leaping to such a horrible assumption about the man?

Because it is easy to assume the worst of someone.

It's not as simple to try and put yourself in someone else's shoes. It takes effort to assume that someone did not purposely cut you off with their car, cut in front of you at the grocery store or did not laugh as they failed to hold the door for you.

Sometimes people make honest mistakes or others misinterpret their actions and intentions.

I have told this story to myself so many times that it is now an almost automatic response. When that car cut me off today, instead of getting angry, I thought the best of the other driver. I thought, "I hope he gets home safely".

After all, that other driver is probably a lot like me or you. He might be having a really bad day. Maybe he just got fired from his job. Perhaps he is racing to see his sick mother. Or maybe, just maybe, he didn't see me.

Do I sometimes screw up and forget this story?

Yes... because nobody's perfect.

Image Links 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

*This allegory purposely left out drunk drivers and people who text and drive. Those people are criminals. This story was meant to give my views on honest mistakes.