On Friendship -- How To Relate (2)
"He that has friends must show himself friendly."
-King Solomon David
Many times we want to be friends with certain people. Other times we have people around us who want to be our friends but when there is a demand for sacrifice, we hardly see friends around. The problem is not the people we call friends, the problem is our definition of friendship.
Friendship is not in the name "Friend" it's in the act of "friendliness." Don't be quick to tag someone "my friend" until (s)he demonstrate the characteristics of friendship.
Two words defines friendship: Kindness (demonstrated by caring) and Support
Like trust, friendship must be earned and maintained.
Friendship is not just a single act. It is a continuous act of kindness and support. It is not circumstantial; Your friends must show kindness to when you are broke and when you have money.
Whilst dating is a relationship between two persons that are interested in 'themselves' friendship is a relationship between two persons that are interested in 'something.'
Every friendship must have a purpose and it's usually best if that purpose is pre-defined. That is, stated or expressed clearly before the friendship begins.
So, ask yourself, why do I need a friend and what do I need friends for?
If you have some friends already, ask why are these persons my friends and what value are they adding to my life?
Friendships must be value driven. Whoever does not add to your life is removing from it.
So, look at the various aspects of your life, and begin to choose friends who will support you in each of those areas.
The reason why people have issues with friendship is because, they just wait and watch people come into their lives, or they just become friends with people unconsciously. This is not very good.
You must be intentional about friendship. Know exactly the kind of friends you need and the areas of your life you need them in, and consciously start the process. Feel free to walk up to people and ask them for friendship regardless of their gender... Yes... And clearly state your reason. The worse they can do is to say they aren't interested, then walk away or try again. But then, they might also accept and you get what you want. Friendship must be intentional. Sometimes, the only change you need to live your dreams is just a change of friends.
As good as it is to make new friends, it is also good to let go off bad friends that are not helping you grow. Most of which are your primary school or childhood friends. They love to says "so you don forget about us dey enjoy abi?"
Let them go...
Life is a journey... Stop carrying people along, you are not Holy Spirit. Anyone that doesn't want to move, leave them and move... Your life is timed. Don't waste it on someone that doesn't deserve it because when your time is up, you won't be needed.
As a friend too, you must show yourself friendly.
Assist your friends with their visions, buy their products, spend time with them just for the purpose of "friendship". Laugh hard when you are with them... As much as possible tell them you love them... Yes... No matter the gender. And also show them that you love them too. Be genuinely interested in their growth and never be sad or jealous about their progress. To be the friend of the president is better than knowing the president from afar. Remember, friendship is not in the name "Friend" but in the attitude of "friendliness"
And again, remember to always go with your personal values