Laughed At Depression And Unable To Conquer My Fears!
I'm not sure if it happens to all but in my case, a small drop of depression always removes or erase all the energy and motivation I collect from different sources and same thing happened two weeks ago. In short, we (@beingnaveed and I) were awarded with annual decrement this year in the form of reducing our monthly bonuses! As soon as I heard this new, I started thinking a lot along with @beingnaveed, how would we be able to cover this deficit from our monthly salaries? Again, I had to adopt a shortcut, I started learning SQL and thought to submit some analysis contributions to Utopian, may be 10 or 15 in a month and in this way, I could cover up this deficit. Found some motivation after reading some analysis stuff, paid 10 SBDs to @steemsql to get the access of Steem Database and started learning some SQL stuff. Wrote my first analysis post and it was rejected (Should I say as expected?). Anyways, Utopian isn't responsible to bear my monthly expenses and their moderators decide according to the rules they have laid down. Previously, I had been spending my time making some VLOG stuff that flopped too (I guess), so nothing went right or you can say as I wanted to expected. Okay, I know most of you will come with some good motivational speeches about being positive in your life, never give up thing and bla bla bla, thanks to you all for your words only, I already know that stuff. I'm just trying to remind myself that though I have not been able to get what I wanted but yes, I tried!
I needed a break from my monotonous routine/life and I had been thinking about it since January 2018. The last time I had a trip with my friends was in 2012 and I couldn't give my soul and body some time to relax and enjoy, so thanks to @sabas who made a plan and I along with my brother from another mother(@beingnaveed) went to Islamabad for a 2 days, 2 nights trip. I'm not a kind of person who like to take selfies or even ask others to take photos for Facebook DP/cover but yes, this random photo was taken by a beautiful soul and as usual, I changed my Facebook DP after one year!
Islamabad is a city of peace and that's what I wanted, in my thoughts and soul. To some extent, I managed to free myself from scary thoughts, frustrations and my own predictions about my future! I am not going to explain what we did, where we went, where we stayed, what we ate and bla bla bla, people usually talk about this stuff when they are back from a trip/vacation, share pictures and don't miss to share even a single moment. Personally, I am more lean towards enjoying the moments rather than capturing the moments and that's what I did! Along with doing some crazy stuff with friends, I managed to spare some time for myself, just me and my thoughts about how to reduce these scary thoughts and depression in the future. I am not sure if I was successful or not but one thing I am quite sure about, I am not alone in this world who is a victim of people's cruelty, there are many and infact, I found a beautiful person whom I talked the whole night. I told her my story and she told me hers and after knowing about her life, I started comparing my struggles with hers and found that mine were just about 20% or may be 30% to what she had gone through in her life. Fear of failing again is the most horrible thing in my life and after our 5 - 6 hours conversation, I, to some extent, have come out of this fear, not completely but yes, I have found a way along with a little hope again.
Came back on this Sunday and a monstrous weekday along with some shitty routine and workload was there to welcome us. As soon as I reached my house, I started working on my second analysis post, played with about 650,000 rows in excel and the shortest formula that I used to refine the data according to my requirements was
=IF(E604939<1000000,"REDFISH",IF(AND(E604939>=1000000,E604939<10000000),"MINNOW",IF(AND(E604939>=10000000,E604939<100000000),"DOLPHIN",IF(AND(E604939>=100000000,E604939<1000000000),"ORCA",IF(E604939>1000000000,"WHALE","NONE")))))I'll be submitting my contribution tomorrow and it would be a long lengthy analysis but again, the fear of rejection is somehow there! I won't say that I don't care about Utopian upvote, I actually do and in my opinion, it's good to have this desire. I want myself to get free from this job slavery and the only short run and to some extent long run opportunity for me is this platform!
Enough said, let’s hope for the best!
Love!
@ghulammujtaba
Yaarrr, you know what this is my story too. I get a little surge of excitement, things go fine and just when I am like 'Man now I can do this because you know the pressure is off', the pressure comes back again and with a huge bang so I guess this is how life is and is about. However, if you keep being realistically positive and give yourself some time to acknowledge the pain, you find it easier to get back up. Acha ek cheez, boht achi baat hai k you compare your struggles to the other person and that made you realize that there are ppl going through even worse and yeh hona chahiye, I do that too, but you know what since everyone is different, everyone has different struggles so you may have gone through something jo k wakiye boht complicated ho but someone may just say, Oh yeh tou kuch nae' is liye own your struggles. I am sure yeh samajh nae aye gi apko :P
Ha, baat tho theek hey, comparison banta to nahi as everyone goes through different situations.
LOL, nahi baji, a gai hey. Yaar is weekend pe a jaon? I am free. Will tell you about that video thing.You came out of the fear with a little hope and that is the way to fight back@ghulammujtaba. Nice post. Will resteem it.
Thank you.
it's funny, whenever we hear about Islamabad in the US it is always something terrible, I like that you go there for vacation! This is why I love steemit, you get a different perspective that you would never see otherwise, thanks for this post.
Sounds like a good time, is there a beach?
Nope, just peace and mountains.
Lol, lovely piece man.
Ha, bharas nikali hey aaj
Salary bhi nahi ai aaj :(
I understand depression sucks i know youll get through it. Im trying to get out of my own problems right now
You'll get out of it. Time heals all things.
Right!
I hope you get rid of your problems soon.
Thanks hope you enjoy your life man
Am not going to tell you good motivational sayings since you said that you know all of that . you tried to manage to free yourself from bad thoughts so am going to give you an islamic quote that i like which encourages people to manage themselves as u did “After asking Allah to guide you to the straight path, don’t just stand there … start walking!” – Albaz Poetry
This is a beautiful quote, @sywarla. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah.. hope for the best.. everything will be fine..
Yup, I am hoping for the same.
Everythings will be okay
It was a wonderful trip indeed, with so much unwinding and learning from each other. I got to see aspects of you I would have never seen otherwise, I mean who would've known how scared you are of showering with cold water :D
I feel so good knowing you had a nice time with my friends, felt so connected to them, and found friends of your own in them.
Things do get tough and overwhelming sometimes, but just knowing that there are people around who care about us and will be there no matter what, makes the difficult times so much easier.
I wish and pray for the best for you :)
Ab hisaab kar lein?
Amigo soy venezolano y bueno, aqui practicamente estamos en una depresion constante . pero fe que todo va a estar bien Aunque eres de otro pais. Te considero mi hermano ya que todos fuimos creados por aquel que nos amo y aun nos ama. Dios te bendiga, vendran tiempos mejores saludos desde venezuela....