Invasion Of The Dolts

An Objective Case Study Of Discourteous Dimwits, Dopes, and Detestable Dunces.

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This is not a dolt at all, but a cute little Zebu. There needed to be something pleasant in this post, so petting zoo animals that I made friends with at the fair it is!

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In honor of the completion of a somewhat testy and very tiring week, I decided to present you all with some timely observations and blissfully uninformed opinions regarding some interactions that I had with a few fellow homo sapiens this week during my extra hours at the library branch. Overall, I am rather fond of fellow humans, in smallish doses, yet this week I was forced to share more of my conscious time in the realm of the public. At times it was enjoyable, and at other times it was a touch taxing. In the spirit of public service I will now offer anecdotal examples of certain personas that one tends to run into whilst serving in the community sphere, and my opinions as to how one should conduct themselves when encountering a bit of ill mannered wildlife.

Fit Throwing Firecracker (FTF)

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Each night the library's computers automatically shut down fifteen minutes to closing. They have been doing this routine for a long, long time. The same can be said for our open for business hours, they haven't been changed in years. All of that disclosure aside, there are still people out there that can't seem to read a door sign, placard, website, or free book mark with our hours on it that we hand out when a person gets a library card. We are total jerks regarding open hours for business advertising. And yes, I am being horribly sarcastic right now.

A couple of evenings ago, five minutes before closing, a tall man bedecked with some rather expensive sunglasses and a head full of gray hair came bursting in and pronounced:

"I need a pass to use the computers!"

As I opened the drawer to retrieve a guest pass I calmly informed him,

"Here you go, but you only have about five minutes until they all shut down."

I didn't get any more of my helpful speech past my lips as the fit thrower proceeded to yank off his expensive shades and berate me over our "stupid hours."

"You are open different times all the time! I'm going to complain to the county." he venomously hurled this accusation and what I assume was a threat in my direction.

His receeding form reminded me of a pouting toddler stomping off to their room in righteous indignation because you told them they couldn't have a forty-second fruit snack. Shades dude stomped out of the library in a fit of fit-throwing furor and I found myself smiling at his retreat.

Helpful Advice For Dealing With FTF's

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You want to engage with an FTF the same way that you deal with a real firecracker. When it goes off, you don't want to be too close to the explosion, for you could get burned. My initial response is to smile in the face of a firecracker, but any expression other than droll-faced government employee is liable to get you screamed at with more explosive abuse. It is much more fun to save all your best burns and jokes for your boss as soon as the FTF explodes and retreats, for that is what a FTF will always do, blow up and buzz off. They don't care about a solution or information, they just want you and everyone around you to know that their little feelers are smarting.

Late For A Date Berate-AKA The Bus Ticket Buffoon

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Last night it was one minute until I was to lock the door and go home for the evening. The computers and printers had long before shut down for the night, and I was getting ready to turn off the circ computer and depart when a tattoo speckled man burst through the doors shouting,

"I know I only have two minutes, but I gotta use the computer!"

"No," my manager stated matter-o-factly

We didn't even get to the explanatory part of the denial as BTB dissolved into a fit of descriptive rage. We were treated to a sob story of bus ticket deprival proportions, and how he had to leave town in an hour, wouldn't get a refund because he didn't have proof, and that we were the cause of all his life ills. Explanation expelled from his form, goatee quivering, he shouted at the top of his tobacco-lined lungs,

"Well, I'm Ducked!!"

I have yet to review his performance on the security cameras, but the enunciation of the f-bomb should be easy enough to spot as he looked right at the lens as he uttered his sordid descriptor of his sorry state of affairs.

Helpful Advice For Dealing With BTB's:

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BTB's are a peculiar manifestation of human behavior idiocy. I think they sometimes forget that it is the twenty-first century and that paper slips are most of the time not required for transportation purposes. However, it is important not to waste your breath trying to dispell their fears, for their minds are sealed regarding the exact way, shape, and form that a situation will play out. Unless you like to take verbal abuse and watch grown people whine and cry about the cruelty of life, it is best to just smile and go about your day.

And finally, my favorite:

Drunken Lecherous Louts (DLL)

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Thursday I was running pretty low in the clean appropriate work clothes department. After a week at fair followed by a week at the library, I really needed to get some dress clothes washed. That said, I just threw on what I saw in the closet, a black t-shirt and a navy blue pencil skirt. These items fit rather well, and I should have known I was in trouble when a bunch of teen boys called me "librarian Barbie" not long after I arrived at work. Not much phases me though, thanks to the ol' logging camp upbringing, so I just went about my business. Then the DLL came in. The oogling was mildly annoying, but I took it in stride, it was when his behavior became all out harassment that I realized I needed to deflate the scene.

I helped the lecherous lout with all his library needs and was proceeding to shelve some books when he said,

"You are killing me in that get up, where are you going dressed like that."

"On a date after work. With my husband." I replied, rather loudly and with emphasis. "It's how you stay married eighteen years."

The lady sitting on the computer next to where I was shelving started guffawing as I delivered this line and walked away. I silently vowed to wear a potato sack to work the next day.

Helpful Advice For Dealing With Drunken Lecherous Louts:

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This is one of the most difficult manifestation of human idiocy to deal with as you never know the inebriation level of the subject. Most of the time if you stay about ten steps ahead of the imbiber they can't keep up with the scene and will stumble away in a fugue of confusion. However, there are times the inebriate will attempt to cause emotional and/or physical discomfort. At this point involve everyone around you as possible, the more cacophony the better. That strategy along with a dose of exemplary customer service and erecting a perceived boundary wall the size of Texas is helpful. Mentions of spouses and law enforcement officers can also be useful. Best to go scorched Earth if at all possible, so as to keep the DLL off balance and moving. It's kind of like herding a drunk cat really, and it really impresses management.

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It got so bad this week that I was forced to make and take a therapeutic Snickers pie to work for my boss and I to devour.

All in all it was a bit of a trying week, and I didn't even delve into my interactions with the overly chatty Roblox playing teens and the book slip sleuthing that I engaged in on behalf of a victim of a house break in. That little story involved a visit from the local police. If any of you are taking a course of study in library science, or work with the public, you have my empathy, sympathy, and admiration!

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And as always, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's happy it's finally the weekend iPhone.

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