I swear, you brarian's do more before six AM than all those army folks in the commercials combined. I'm impressed, with both the yayhoos you have to deal with(-), and your exemplary reaction (+). We used to have lessons at work in how to deal with the angry public. I fully listened, then more fully subscribed to the 'hide behind a tree till they go away' theory, myself. But your methodologies seem very successful, particularly with the paucity of large trees within your work area.

I especially like the 'scorched earth' idea, and reference to hubs, that should work well. If not, add in, "and he was in [insert branch of military here], and he does not like people bothering me." Then again, the average DLL may not care that much, as they sometimes take on objects or people much larger and tougher than they, often to dire consequence. So maybe nevermind on that one. Back to the tree idea...
Most fun and excellent read. I've not actually ever seen an inebriated felinidae, but will keep my eye to the horizon. ( I assume you've seen the Superbowl commercial from years back, of the cowboy cat hearder's. I still get a tear in my eye at that one when it surfaces, cranially speaking.)
Well, hope you have a most wonderful day.