About purpose and challenges

It sure may sound cheesy if I start talking about the two sides of every coin, light and shadow. Good times and bad times. Of course evryone know that both exist. But the good times are, unlike the sides of a coin, way bigger and also way more powerful. Everyone will agree that hanging out with wonderful people you love fills a day with joy. And I have that every. Single. Day. It's truly a blessing.

However, no one would believe me if I neglect the challenges. Oh, they are there. There are plenty. Luckily - and I make sure to remember that - they never take too long. They persist for a few days or weeks at maximum and then quietly dissolve into something better, an advance.

One of this challenge of course is the transistion from diapers to toilets. Coupled with the fact that my daughter suddenly caught a pretty awful case of diarrhea... Yeah, those are the moments I just put every kid where it can't hurt himself, break things or (in daughter's case) fling liquid poop around textiles, and then mentally curl up beneath a blanket, physically grab a cup of coffee and just stare blankly at a wall for five minutes.

But it passes. And afterwards, you actually are glad it's over (no wonder) and also glad it happened, because it really was a valuable learning experience about what exactly happens if you don't bother to visit a toilet. How else can one learn this?

It is not easy. Of course it is not easy. But is life supposed to be easy? We start off in grade school. And just when it begins getting easy, when you get the hang of reading and writing and calculating, you go to a higher school. Because it would make no sense to stay at a stage that you already mastered.

So, naturally - just as the awkward teenage age passed, where one has to learn the do's and dont's of social experiences - I decided that it was time to move onwards, and that was the reason I decided to just dive head first into marriage with the man I love (and who luckily thinks the same) and also start being a mother and giving on the gift that is life. Of course I could have had "chill" 20's. But whatfor? Basically, since I've always been pushed to be an overachiever, it would mean work. Mostly mindless work, stupid connections, and more money. I don't want money to be such an important part of my life - and I want my children to know this too.

But most importantly, I want my children to witness and learn what it means to build up and maintain an adult life. Not gonna lie - when I had my son, my place was a mess. And it still is. I am a really messy, chaotic person. But rather than waiting 20 years and just placing them into a "made nest", as we say in German, I want them to first-hand learn what it means to get one's life into order. Hopefully, they'll then be more skilled and have more experience than me at age 20.

When I was young, I always played my video games on easy mode, because I was afraid of failure. I was spoiled, everything (mundane) was handed to me, I was used to win. It was not until much later that it dawned to me that I basically spent all that time in boredom and stagnation. How terrible! Later I figured out I would take the time I was given, and make something good out of it. I would use it to be the best version of myself that I possibly can.

A Catholic would call this - being a Saint. This has a much more nuanced meaning than the colloquial use, since everyone's best version is meant to do vastly different things. And I, for one, I know that my version of doing the best is to take on everything I can possibly carry. Since I now have the time to leisurely sit around, it means that I'm obviously not at my limits, and that's why I also will not object to gifting more siblings to my kids. Between them, there's even purer love than between me and them, it's the most peaceful thing to see. (How I wish I had siblings myself.)

Also, it's true - the challenges that come with additional children do not rise in a linear fashion. From zero to one kid, it's a massive difference (though maybe not so much as you'd imagine). From one to two, it's more difficult of course, but nowhere such an innovation as with the first. With three, you're already used to multitasking. (I've once heard someone say: As soon as the parents are outnumbered, it doesn't matter anymore by how many exactly.)

And it is so rewarding. I think old people, who have already seen a lot in life and know what matters and what doesn't, know that too. So often they stop to talk to me on the streets. "Such lovely children! Are they all yours?" They ask with beaming eyes, because they already know the answer, they just don't dare assume it because of the rarity. It doesn't matter to them whether my two oldest ones are currently screaming and intentinally colliding while running at full speed (after all, it's outside). They love to see them, and so do I, every second of my day.

But now, excuse me while I have to sniff out exactly where the moldy smell of forgotten wet clothes comes from, remove the source, and then make myself a coffee.