I am not feeling well already because of the two days-long of not getting my blood cleaned like a sauceless spaghetti
I have some literal pressure in my belly and head literally because of the fluid build-up in my body brought about by a long space between dialysis sessions. Although I am maxing-out on how much fluids that should be taken when I go for my treatment, it is being defeated by my body's reduction of capacity to load-up or consume beverages. That is why I cannot tolerate so much extra fluid in my body unlike before and the cause was physical in terms of not enough space in my body to "house" those extra fluids because like I said in my previous blog posts, my backbone and my neckbone had both collapsed already and I think that it is still in the process of doing so until now. My backbone issue effectively squeezed-out the capacity of my lung as well which makes me feel breathless with some minor body movements or exertions, so with just simply going out from my home to the nearest neighborhood variety store to buy something or visiting a neighbor much less visiting a friend's house is not possibly anymore.
My torso feels like a barrel when I am near my capacity which actually manifested by my feeling of bloating and difficulty in breathing. The now relatively cooler weather doesn't give me the benefits of reducing my body's extra fluid load by perspiring out some of those fluids so now almost every bit or drop of moisture to my mouth will be counted and I know what that means, it will mean that I will arrive at my dialysis clinic relatively "fully-loaded" because my dialysis center also had limited a long time ago on how much fluids that they can take out from my body because according to them it is a precaution for experiencing hypotension during dialysis as told them by one single mentor. The result is this, I no longer have freedom to be liberal for my fluid consumption and it is hard to endure particularly with the settings they did to the treatment quality which is in "safe mode" which means that just enough to bridge my life but not really getting the best out from my dialysis treatments which is why I feel toxic already with just a small amount of time between dialysis sessions that is why having a three times per week of dialysis treatments really helps a lot although I feel now that I seem to need a dialysis treatment almost everyday because of the "small dose" of treatment that I get every dialysis session to make me feel much better which I am really not more than two decades already.
But anyway I hope that I can still last until I get hooked-up again to the dialysis machine so that I can get another relief from the pressure inside my body and clean some toxins which have collected last Friday and I can't wait already. I am also had been feeling a difference on my body and it is not good and there is a lot of reason to it too which I am not surprised. What I want really is to last for as long as I can if God wills it but with people around that loves me because of course I do not want to be left alone in this world for obvious reasons that I cannot fend for myself nor bother other people to take me in because of the trouble that and disruption that I will cause their lives considering that maybe by that time I am already in the worst state of health than I am currently into which is actually worst of the worst thing to ever happen to an individual because it includes pain, immobility, my appearance, most people are prejudice, not much love for me other than coming from my parents and siblings, my other health complications, etc., and these thing makes my life really... for the lack of a better term or phrase as a description, a "hell on earth" without that burning feeling that is although the pain is very apparent.
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