I Am Afraid To Outlive One Or Both Of My Parents

What Would I Do?

It is hard to live like this, I am actually okay if not for this bone issues that I am facing which is why I am totally dependent physically to my parents at this current time and I am afraid that if one or both of them are already gone or I would outlive them, then it would be a very big problem for sure.

I do not know which of my siblings would take me because my eldest brother is not that very supportive of me while his wife is a good person which is kind to me. My second brother and I have the same faith/religion but his wife and I is not that really close and I do not know how she would treat me if I would stay with them.

My younger sister in the other hand is busy, in fact they are all working but my sister's husband still have an ice unbroken between us and really is estranged to me for some reason that is very shallow that sprouted from a very shallow reason that I accidentally turned off the light while he is still outside doing something near the artesian well, he got mad and that lead to us not really talking to each other and my sister knows it that is why I will never live with them considering all the attitude and behavior that my sister's husband had done to me while they are still living in this house.

Me And My Siblings, The Eldest In The Middle

So my worries are not only about my physical condition but the future that haunts me from this current time. It feels like I am in an island with only a few people that I can turn to when if it would happen that I will lose some of my family members particularly my parents especially my mother who is really like an extension of my body so losing her makes me want to cry already.

My mother is now very useful in my life as she was now the one that walks my papers to request for assistance about my payment at the end of the year for my dialysis because my health insurance doesn't cover the complete year coverage about my dialysis so without her the out of pocket payments would burden me much since dialysis really is a very expensive medical treatment.

I Do Not Want To Be A Burden To Anyone's Time, Efforts, And Thoughts

My parents are both old and my mother is also complaining already of body pains plus I am always hearing people dying at their age group of "70" so that really adds to my worry. Now I do not if I wanted to pres on with my goals and just quit but it is not that easy because to die of not getting dialysis anymore is a no-no for me because it is hard, you die slowly if I would put it simply.

That is why I kept of going for my b-weekly treatment for my dialysis to survive, to gasp for some air when I am running out of it. Now I actually have an idea which again would take my siblings time and a bit of effort too which is to just opt-in for a peritoneal dialysis which will save them also a great deal of time and effort if I were to continue my hemodialysis which is done at fours hours per treatment plus the time and effort of going to and from the dialysis center.

With a peritoneal dialysis I can just stay at home, at bed and will just move when I needed to go to the bathroom or the hospital if there is a bit of infection to my catheter are in my abdomen where the dialysate fluid is let in and out. But of course it is not as easy as it sounds so I just have to do another compromise because my world is also ever-changing even though I am idle and yet a very busy person turning night often into day just to make my little valuable time left as productive as I can.

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