Near Death Experience: 1/29/2020...I Almost Died!

in #life2 months ago (edited)

Last Wednesday, I felt like a zombie all day. As many of you know, I've been going through some rough times in life particularly since mid 2018. At that time, I had been on anti-anxiety medications for approaching a decade and now over a decade. I am unable to sleep or function without them and also do get panic attacks that have occurred publically in the past.

TLDR: Though the backstory is critical to understanding my experience, yes, I was clinically dead. There's no bright lights, no hovering over your body "seeing" what's happening, no seeing angels, other beings, previously deceased people, etc.. It's just like you did not exist, nothing, complete blackness, no consciousness of anything, & I am a spiritual person so I found that odd. I am not saying OTHERS don't experience that; I just didn't. Maybe I need to "shape up" in the spiritual department. Made me question some other beliefs of mine too. Definitely some "come to Jesus" moment(s).

Back to the story....Little did I know being on benzodiazepines long term, and if you happen to run out or, are between docs without a script can cause severe rebound anxiety, insomnia, trigger PTSD flashbacks (PS I have PTSD), worsen depression, cause you to have a tremor - mostly in my arms and hands, increase suicidal thoughts, and perhaps worst of all can cause no warning, non-epileptic seizures.

I have a career and education within physical therapy and know a thing or two about drugs so I knew already some epileptic patients take the medication I am on for anxiety SOLELY FOR THEIR EPILEPSY.

Ironically, from the same med or class of meds you can also get non-epileptic seizures AKA, "pseudoseizures", AKA, PNES (psychogenic non epileptic seizures), AKA benzo withdrawal seizures.

They are not true seizures. I was once hospitalized 4 days after one. The doctor ran every test for EPILEPSY - MRI, EEG, CT scan. I do NOT have it. The only other test is a lumbar puncture test to withdraw spinal fluids but risk of infection is too high so no thanks. The best course of treatment is do not cold turkey the meds, learn effective and healthy ways to manage stress, & find a doctor that KNOWS WHAT PNES IS! The medical community at large is clueless about non-epileptic seizures. I can't tell you how many times I've been treated like I was just there for drugs. Believe it or not 10-12 years of med school doesn't necessarily make you the smartest tack or magically grant you common sense! Doctors are glorified and in my adult life at almost 32, I have had maybe 4 competent ones who actually listened and didn't act like I was making it up because they forgot about it or never encountered it.

I've had at least eight of these that I'm aware of. I had two this past Wednesday. My fiance took me straight from our place to the ER after the first one. MY MEDS WERE ARRIVING THE NEXT DAY, BUT THERE WAS A DAY SHIPMENT DELAY! Imagine if there was no delay, I wouldn't have went through this hell.

But, everything happens for a reason...

The first seizure I felt like I had been beat up. My left calf muscle went into such a contraction it was sore to the touch & I was limping. The doctor wrote me some meds to tide me over and we left to the 24hr CVS pharmacy to fill them. Short wait. But, when it's time to get it in your system seems like an eternity. You get really nauseous, along with shakiness, and alternating hot swings & cold chills, little to no concentration, and a wretched headache.

They called my name and I picked up the script. On my way out my fiance called my attention to something he thought I would find cute, which i did. That's the last thing I remember. Other than coming to, horrid nausea, wretched headache, and paramedics surrounding me. I was like "What?"

In case I forgot mention, I have no memory of the seizures themselves or the time right after and just prior.

My seizures have been described like typical looking seizures. I thrash around, bite my tongue & lip, some have said I drool. With epileptic seizures one typically bites the thickness of their mid tongue, with these it's the lateral or side portions. I've had multiple concussions, once requiring 5 staples.

Seizures, near death, really?, you might be thinking/ asking. This seizure at CVS, my face and lips turned blue, indicative of no oxygen. There happened to be both a retired nurse & medic shopping there. I lost a heart beat for 3 minutes. They started CPR on me. Fiance caught most of my fall. I landed hard on my butt and and my lower back hurts from the compressive force. I am afraid it could be injured. It was like voluntarily sitting down from a complete stand. Very jarring to the lower back. I will get it imaged soon to make sure I don't have permanent damage.

Again, yes, I was clinically dead as I indicated in my TLDR. There's no bright lights, no hovering over your body "seeing" what's happening, no seeing angels, other beings, previously deceased people, etc.. It's just like you did not exist, nothing, complete blackness, no consciousness of anything, & I am a spiritual person so I found that odd. I am not saying OTHERS don't experience that; I just didn't. Maybe I need to "shape up" in the spiritual department. Made me question some other beliefs of mine too. Definitely some "come to Jesus" moment(s).

If I could go back in time, I would've never let a doctor put me on a benzodiazepine med (xanax, klonopin, ativan, etc.) Unless your doc knows you can only be on it for a very short period of time and a supervised taper.

I am currently unemployed, on food stamps, soon unemployment, & free healthcare. My profession suffered a major slump last year thanks to awesome really dumb, unrealistic legislation by President Donald Dump. Today I got a call about what would be my dream job and informed that dumb legislation is going away because it doesn't work. They are moving me along and already negotiated a handsome salary with me. But until I have that position I am taking advantage of what my tax money the past seventeen years went towards!

I'd say it can't get worse but I have lived worse. My aim is, be my best self. Take advantage of opportunities even if they're not my top choice.

Well, thanks for reading. Be well and drop relevant comments below. Love hearing from all.
header image courtesy of pixabay


Wow... that is a weird experience to have! I hope that are all recovered and that there are no lasting side effects.

Indeed it is. Primarily, I'm interested in living a more healthy life and making the most of it. I'll probably always have anxiety but hope to get it under better control

Hrm. Fascinating.
My old Friend used to developed seizures later in Life and She did screw with benzos on and off... and also huffed duster. At the time I suspected the duster might have had a lot to do with it.
It was bizarre to Me that She didn't take newly developing seizures seriously.
She wound up dying very young. She was My closest Super-Homie of 10 years and it broke My Heart. :'(

Well, i was young and naive about the benzos and the docs kept prescribing, i kept taking. I've never fooled with duster. I do take these seriously trying to get my dose down or non existent under a DOCTOR'S care.

Im not not downing your friend about the duster. Psychological help in America and most places is awful. My experience is they made me feel worse than all the years of trauma so i stopped and gave up . And took meds instead. Running and exercise has also helped me. Im very sorry about your friend. I've lost very young friends. I know the feeling. {Hug}

I have read quite a lot on this subject and understand that an NDE may not always make you visualize something out of our realms, many a times it is when you get back there is an inner knowing about something that you need to do to bring your life back on track and may be that's what you have experienced. The experiences are attached to many other things, I am sure whatever it is this experience will be a game changer for you. I wish you speedy recovery and good health @chelsea88

Sorry my upvote is worth so little. Today i had a revelation and it was very similar to what you're describing. Yes, I'll always have ptsd, be prone to anxiety and depression. But blood is NOT always thicker than water. I want a doctor to help me get the benzos to a healthy level ,if possible non at all. I want to live a meaningful life and not let these control me. I was a very good runner at one point and that was helpful :)

Oh my dear, first of all you should stop worrying about the votes.
I believe you can heal your body from whatever stage you are with the right diet and some natural therapies. You should try out the keto diet, it has been very helpful to overcome many complex health issues. Also CBD is another one therapy which will assist your body heal. If you can get it genuine from somewhere nothing like it and over and above all a regular yoga, breathing and meditation practice will do miracles to your body. I am not saying you will be cured overnight, but in a span of 2 to 3 months you will see yourself at a new level and that will be good. You can also start with your running slowly. Active body and mind heals faster. I am sure with good care you will be able to get rid of all the meds over a period of time. Focus on your diet and lifestyle, that's it.

I actually am already a semi regular yoga practitioner, and used to be a semi professional runner..... the yoga i want to be more regular with. I practice PT for a living (currently unemployed.) So you raise excellent points. I used to be a sales affiliate with my nutraceuticals and there hemp paste (not THC) would be more accurately named CBD paste. They also have it for cats and dogs and some neat products. Their products are top notch but I can't afford them right now. You're right though. Its very helpful. Mostly pain for me, used the cat version on my cat that has a lot of anxiety , my fiance has PTSD and depression, helped him a lot. As for diet i have cut a lot of processed sugar. Thanks for commenting!

Hey @chelsea88! @porters here on behalf of @NaturalMedicine
How horrible to come so close to the edge!
I am glad you are knowledgeable enough to know about the side effects of the drugs you are on and the need for a tapered withdraw.
I do hope you can get that soon
Love your attitude

be my best self. Take advantage of opportunities even if they're not my top choice.

Something you may find very interesting which deals with the workings of the mind and brain and covers about drugs and the effect on the brain plus much more for giving a very good understanding of how our conditioned self works is in this video with Dr. Caroline Leaf full of tips and tools for mental, emotional and physical health which I found very beneficial.

Take care and here is to health and happiness!
P.S. I have had those near death experiences where I saw the light!

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Thanks, I will definitely check it out :)

My gosh, this brings up so many life experiences, although they are completely dwarfed by your life story. I remember the exact day when you posted on Steemit that you had lost (or were going to) your job because of that first seizure, and the one that followed.

Those were terrible moments in our lives.

I think non-epileptic seizures are extremely misunderstood, one of my friends has Cohen syndrome and I am convinced that they are a complete head scratcher.

It is fascinating to think that you were dead there for a minute, it's good to have you back!
Death is a part of life so weather you remember visions or not, odds are, you now know more about life than I do.

I am so happy to hear that there is hope in the legislation is on your side! I really hope for the best as the folks you serve are never in better hands than your own, I just know it!

I've never met anyone with Cohen's but since this post I did experience another PNES seizure and they are certainly misunderstood, you're right about that! Im starting to develop halos but then still have no memory outside of what friends say they see